So I finally decided I'm going to do something about this. It's been nearly five months since I've met Eleanor and for the most part it's been the best months of my life. But I can't stand this. The feeling of being trapped. Feeling more and more like I can't control anything. Feeling like I'm back where I started. Different problems, but still going in circles. And of course the fear of a whole family being dead because of me. I have to admit that even now I'd do anything for Will. And I'm scared of what that might mean. As much as I love Eleanor—gods I love her—I can't live like this anymore. I just can't. So soon Dad's going to erase my memory. Eleanor's too. Just the memories of each other. A fresh start. It won't hurt as much as just breaking up, and Eleanor can't hate me if she doesn't know who I am. I don't know what will come from this. Maybe Livi and Eleanor will fall in love again and I'll eventually meet my real soulmate, if they actually exist. Maybe Livi will realize Eleanor can't love her. Maybe we'll meet again. Maybe this isn't goodbye. I don't know. I do know Will's going to be mad—he always is when I pull something like this. But I don't care. I'll be free. No more everyone wanting to kill themselves. Livi will be thrilled. I know I'll be happy eventually, somehow, someday. It's only fair, right? I deserve something for all the sacrifices I've had to make. Right? I just have to hope. Hope I'm doing the right thing. I'll have to leave my journal here so I don't accidentally read it. Dear God, please let everything be okay eventually.
