S u r v i v o r s [ Daryl Dixon ]

Chapter 34

A few days later we also buried Tyreese. A zombie bit him while searching Noah's house. I wasn't there, so I didn't even shed a tear as I watched us bury the body of another friend I couldn't save. I wasn't able to do that.

I was beginning to think we were cursed. There was a drought, there was no game in the forest, the water dried up, and we were wandering on the border.

We were on the road for the next two weeks. Fuel ran out, so we walked. Nobody was doing well. Maggie and Daryl were devastated by Beth's death. Sasha seemed to be reacting to her brother's death with stupidity, and I... I just was.  I focused on finding water and that's all. I was walking in the forest looking for food and animals.

And this time no one was with me. I distanced myself from everyone and didn't talk to anyone. Even Glenn, despite his best efforts, was unable to reach me. He finally stopped, just watching me from the side.

Daryl was also disappearing and we hardly spoke for three weeks. Did I miss him? Of course. But there was a fear that paralyzed me. Because I could lose him too. And the closer I was to him, the more this loss would hurt.

The next day we found bottles of water on the road. There was a note attached to it saying it was a gift from a friend, but we didn't open it. And then, like a sign, it started to rain, and I smiled for the first time in several days. I closed my eyes, enjoying the rain on my face. I took a deep breath and welcomed the smell of freshness, not the stuffiness and sand. But the rain turned to downpour and then to a thunderstorm, and we had to seek shelter. Daryl took us to a shed he found while hunting.

We built a fire in it and sat around it, me, Glenn, Rick, Carol, and Daryl.

"When I was a kid..." Rick suddenly started looking at Carl who was sleeping hugging Judith to him. "I asked my grandpa once if he ever killed any Germans in the war. He wouldn't answer. He said that was grown-up stuff, so... so I asked if the Germans ever tried to kill him. But he got real quiet. He said he was dead the minute he stepped into enemy territory. Every day he woke up and told himself, "Rest in peace. Now get up and go to war." And then after a few years of pretending he was dead... he made it out alive. That's the trick of it, I think. We do what we need to do and then we get to live" he took a deep breath. "But no matter what we find in DC, I know we'll be okay. Because this is how we survive. We tell ourselves... that we are the walking dead."

I looked at Rick and raised my eyebrows. There was silence for a moment, which I broke. I don't remember when I was talking to any of them. Three days ago? Four?

"No, Rick. We are Survivors" I said quietly. "We are alive. We ain't them."

With that, I got up and walked to the other end of the shed, closer to the front door. I started walking in circles, I couldn't calm my mind.

Rick's words echoed in my head.

We weren't them. We couldn't be them. If that's the case, there's no going back. No chance.

"Hey."

I looked at Daryl, who was watching me from the sidelines.  I was glad to see him. It was stronger than me. Because I missed him eben he was so close to me all the time.

I nodded towards him.

"Something happened?"

I nodded slowly. He leaned against the wall and began to play with the crossbow.

"I spoke to Carol today" he whispered and I narrowed my eyes. "And somehow I felt like I needed to talk to you."

"Yeah?"

"Her death destroyed me in some way" he said finally. "You too, I know that. I know you were close with Tyreese too. He meant a lot to you."

"He was my friend" I said firmly. "He saved my life."