So things have been pretty quiet this week which makes me anxious something's going to happen. Is that how it is after going through so much? You're afraid to get too comfortable just in case the Fates were playing a trick on you and take it all away. Even Livi hasn't been talking about wanting to kill herself that I know of, but then again she doesn't know about me and Eleanor and it's better that way. Will says he's actually okay for the first time in who knows how long. And secretly I'm starting to think, just very briefly about that life Eleanor and I talked about before. I want it now more than anything, but at the same time it sounds way too good to be true. But then again, I've made it farther than I ever thought I would. At the beginning of this year I didn't think I'd make it through the next couple of months, and now I have something, or rather someone who makes me want to live an eternity, as long as I can convince her I really want to stay. Because I do, even if I still don't trust it. I'm so tired of running away. Of hiding. I don't want to, ever again. I want to look back on my life decades from now and be proud of myself. For still forging ahead even when it felt like I was going backward. For not giving up.
