Bad Dreams | Newt x Reader (Being Edited)

Chapter 54-Just Give In

Warnings: angst (and a lot of it), pain, manipulation, panic attack.

"What did you want to talk about?" I asked as he led me away from camp.

Sticks snapped beneath my boots while we walked through the old trees and burnt remnants of undergrowth. We were well away from the staring eyes of the camp.

"I think you know," Newt said softly as he stopped and turned around.

"I don't," I answered slowly.

Newt looked at me helplessly. "Y/n, don't make this any harder or longer than it needs to be."

He hadn't called me 'love' in days. Not since I captured Brandon.

"Don't make what harder?" I pressed anyway.

"I want to break up."

'He doesn't even know and yet he still wants to leave you,' the Wraith whispered in my mind.

I could only weakly push her away.

Even though I knew they were coming, the words his me like a freight train. My lip wobbled, the first sign of my struggle and inability to conceal my emotions. I didn't know my legs gave out until my knees were already on the ground. Newt started for me but thought better of it since he was the one causing me this pain.

"Why?"

"You're...you're not the same Y/n I fell in love with," Newt explained sadly. His own brown eyes had started watering.

"What do you mean?"

Newt breathed out shakily. "You're...different. Cold, to me and everyone else. You just tortured and killed your uncle. You're angry all the time, you keep secrets, you lie to me—"

"No, I don't!" I snapped at him, my anger rising with his. "I promised you and I have kept that promise."

"No, you haven't!" Newt argued back, tears openly spilling now. "You've continuously told me 'I'm fine,' 'nothing's wrong,' even 'I love you.'"

I stared at him. "Newt, I've never loved anyone more than I love you."

"You use me," Newt wiped pointlessly at his face, "all you do is use me to distract yourself from whatever is wrong. All the times you pulled me away only to make out and never talk about anything that matters."

"I love you."

Newt shook his head, slowly kneeling down in front of me.

"I'm trying," I whimpered pathetically.

"To do what?" Newt asked, exasperated. When I didn't answer he sighed heavily. "See, always secrets. It's not healthy for us, Y/n. You can't be your true self for whatever reason, I don't even know you who you are anymore. This is a toxic relationship, Y/n."

"You weren't there in Denver," I said before the words could get lost. "You don't know what it was like, what it does to someone. No matter what happens out here, it is better than what happened there. Just give me time."

"Maybe in the future, Y/n. You need time alone to process all of that. You won't let me help you."

"I can't tell you anything or she'll kill you," I confessed, ignoring the hissing of the Wraith.

"The Phoenix?" Newt asked and I shook my head. "Who?"

"I can't tell you." I wiped at my tears, sniffling. "I wish you'd just understand that everything I do is to protect you and everyone else here."

Newt stood up, looking down at me. "I'm sorry, Y/n, I truly am, but I can't do this anymore."

"Please," I begged, grabbing onto his leg. "Please, please, don't leave me. I can't keep going like this without you. You hold me back. I need you by my side."