misery || b.e

hill

the rain had been coming down for hours now, drumming against the windows, filling every corner of the house with a soft, steady hum. it should've been soothing. billie always loved the rain, used to sit by the window with her chin on her knees and watch it fall like it was the most fascinating thing in the world.

y/n hated it now.

she sat on the couch, legs curled up beneath her, an untouched glass of whiskey on the coffee table in front of her. she wasn't even sure why she poured it. maybe to feel like she had some semblance of control, like she was doing something other than just sitting here, drowning in the weight of everything she hadn't said.

across from her, joshua sat with his arms resting on his knees, watching her carefully. he'd been here for an hour, maybe longer. long enough to see right through her silence.

he was waiting.

waiting for her to say something. to talk about what had been running through her head nonstop for days.

but y/n didn't know how to start.

so she just watched the pitter patter of the raindrops.

joshua sighed, finally setting his spoon down. "okay," he said, leaning forward slightly. "are we just gonna sit here in silence, or are you gonna tell me what's going on in that overthinking brain of yours?"

y/n huffed out a small, humorless laugh, shaking her head. "you already know."

"sure, but i wanna hear you say it."

she exhaled, rubbing a thumb over the rim of her glass. "i can't stop thinking about her."

joshua didn't react — didn't tell her she needed to move on, didn't act like this was something she should've been over by now. he just let her sit with it.

"i know it's stupid," she went on, voice quieter now. "i know she's out there, doing whatever she's doing, and i'm—" she let out a breath, shaking her head. "i don't even know what i'm doing anymore."

joshua leaned back in his chair, his expression unreadable. "you're healing."

y/n scoffed, shaking her head. "doesn't feel like it."

he shrugged. "because it sucks."

she lifted her gaze, raising an eyebrow. "that's your wisdom? that it just sucks?"

he grinned slightly. "yep."

y/n rolled her eyes but felt the tiniest smile pull at her lips.

joshua studied her for a second before reaching for his drink. "you know, you don't have to pretend you're okay. not with me."

her throat tightened.

she knew that. she did.

but saying it out loud? acknowledging how not okay she really was?

she swallowed, staring out the window. the rain blurred the world beyond the glass, distorting the streetlights, the moving cars, the people rushing by with their heads down, hoods up, umbrellas tilted against the wind.

she exhaled slowly. "i was gonna propose."

joshua's grip tightened around his mug, but his voice was soft when he spoke. "i know."

y/n let out a quiet breath. "i was really gonna do it."

"i know," he said again.

she licked her lips, feeling the weight of it settle over her. silence stretched between them, thick but not heavy. more like something they were both holding carefully.