Bad Dreams | Newt x Reader

Chapter 84-I Hope I Die First

Title is inspired by the song 'Die First' by Nessa Barrett

Warnings: threats, fighting, sickness, mentions of murder, sorta suicidal

I surprisingly slept well. I woke up feeling warm and rested. I suddenly realised I was cuddling with someone. Not just anyone, I would have preferred anyone else. Newt. His arm was wrapped around me and I was tucked under his chin. I tried to slowly move away but his arms tightened and he murmured something undistinguishable. I gave up and tried not to let myself enjoy the feeling. I felt him stir and quickly shut my eyes. He tensed as he realised he was holding me and carefully removed himself. He started to place a blanket over me but stopped at Alex's voice.
"Don't bother, she's already awake."
I flung a knife at him. It narrowly missed his head by a couple centimetres, slicing a bit of hair off his head and buried hilt deep in the wall. He reached up to touch his head and looked at the knife. Newt looked back at me reproachfully.
"Touch me again, and I cut off your hands," I got up and left the room.

Newt POV

I stared after her. I noticed the others were awake and looking amused.
"I think the question we all want to know is," Alex paused, "which of you started the cuddling?"
"It was Newt," Tommy, the traitor, said. I glared at him. "What? I couldn't sleep and noticed you moved closer to her."
"I was sleeping!" I argued.
"You still love her?" Gally asked, I didn't answer.
"You do!" Brenda said.
"Doesn't matter. She doesn't love me anymore. I broke her heart by being an idiot," I sighed and started folding the blankets.
"What makes you think she still doesn't love you?" Alex asked. He perched himself on a desk.
"She probably loves Élliot and she just threatened to cut off my hands!"
"She threatens everyone, you're different though, young lizard," Alex said in an odd voice.
I rolled my eyes at him.
Y/n came back into the room and glared at all of us. We all went dead silent.
"Talking about me, huh?" she demanded and then sat down on the floor. "Please, continue. Don't mind me."
"Okay, what's wrong with you?" Alex rolled his eyes as she leaned back and slid on her sunglasses
"I'm dying today, I feel weird."
"First of all, you're not dying. Secondly, weird how?"
"First of all, I am dying today. Secondly, I don't know. Kinda empty, sorta happy that my suffering's gonna be over," Y/n's voice was rather empty now.
I stared at her, concerned. Surely she didn't mean to go through with this?
"Why exactly is she gonna die?" Gally asked.
"Because, world domination," Y/n let her fingers sparkle as she said the two words.
"What?
"Wraith wants to rule the world. So if I die, she dies, then world domination can be avoided and all you shanks don't die."
"I'm so confused," Gally looked for help from the others, but no one spoke.
"I'm gonna die!" Y/n said cheerfully. "I want to scream!" she said in the same tone.
Everyone stared at her. "All right, okay. Enough of this. We need to plan. We're wasting time."

Y/n POV

Alex helped me up and Gally led us to a room with maps and other useful things about. Gally informed the others of his way to get into Wicked. About using Teresa.
"No, there's gotta be another way," Thomas was agitated, I could hardly blame him. I wondered if he was still in love with her.
"You've seen the building. There's no other way in," Gally tried to reason with Thomas.
"I could always just go by myself and let my roommate deal with the stuff," I suggested.
"Absolutely not," Alex snapped. "We can't guarantee that you'll come back."
"I'll make another deal with her," I really didn't want to go ahead with Gally's plan.
"What deal did you even make last time?" Alex asked.
"Two days of full sanity, and then I'd let her take over without a fight."
"That is the worst deal I've ever heard," Alex rolled his eyes.
"I couldn't get her to do it any longer!" I protested. "What was I supposed to do? Let her kill Newt?"
"Can we just stop with whatever this is and talk about my plan?" Gally interrupted and we both stopped arguing. "Teresa is our only way in."
"You really think she'll help us?" Thomas asked.
"Well, we're not going to ask her permission," Gally said.
"Are we gonna kidnap her!?" I asked excitedly.
Alex shot me a look.
"We're talking about the same girl that betrayed us, correct? Same-" Brenda swore.
"I like her," Gally decided.
"What's going on, Thomas?" Brenda asked gently.
Thomas looked mildly uncomfortable and lowered his eyes to the table.
"What, are you afraid your little girlfriend's gonna get hurt?" Newt asked, talking for the first time in a couple minutes. He glared angrily at Thomas. "Hmm? Because this has obviously never been just about rescuing Minho. Has it?"
"Wait, what are you talking about?" Thomas asked.
Newt stopped leaning on the table and stood up straight. He started slowly crossing the room towards Thomas.
"Teresa! She's the only reason that Minho's even missing in the first place! Now we finally have an opportunity to get him back. And what? You don't want to because of her? Because deep down inside, you still care about her, don't you?" Newt was right up in his face now. "Just admit it."
Alex looked at me, realisation written openly across his face. I started to guess what was wrong. Horror dug into me, making me feel like I'd swallowed glass.
I moved forward and put my hand on his shoulder.
"Newt, how about we just-" I began, but he cut me off.
He turned on me quickly, walking towards me with such anger that I took a step back.
"And you! All you do is lie and lie and lie. You keep so many secrets. Do we even actually know that you're on our side? Your sister is the Phoenix herself! You're the Wraith! How do we know you won't just turn on us? We can't know because you're too good of a manipulator and liar."
"Newt, I'm only trying to keep everyone safe-"
Newt slammed me against the wall, knocking the breath out of me. Tears sprung in my eyes, "Don't lie to me! Don't lie to me!"
He stared at me for several long seconds before he seemed to realise what he was doing and let go. "Sorry," he said quietly to me. He turned around to face the others. "I'm sorry."
He gripped his wrist as he walked out. I slid to the floor, I tried to hold it together, but tears slipped down my face.
"Y/n, you should go after him," Alex knelt down in front of me.
"He hates me," I said through struggling breaths.
"No, he doesn't, trust me," Alex offered me a hand and I let him help me up.
Élliot looked at me sadly, making me freeze.
"You knew?" I demanded, feeling betrayed. "Élliot-"
"I didn't know," he cut in, looking away. "I swear."
I stared at him until I was satisfied and left the room.

I found Newt a moment later. He sat on the edge of the roof of the building. His legs dangled over the edge. I quietly walked towards him and sat down next to him. He sighed.
"I'm sorry for hurting you," Newt shot a glance at me.
"You didn't hurt me. I just knocked the breath out of me because I wasn't expecting it."
"Sorry for what I said too," Newt looked up at the walls of the city.
"You're right, I do keep secrets. Not all of them protect people."
Newt fiddled with the sleeve of his jacket,
"Show me," I pleaded.
He pulled his sleeve up to reveal the black veins of the Flare. He looked at it for a moment, turning it into the sun for a better look.
"How long have you known?"
"I knew something was wrong last night but I didn't work out what until a few minutes ago."
Newt stared at me miserably.
"How'd you get infected?" I changed the subject slightly.
"That's not important," he began but I grabbed his face and forced him to look into my eyes. He was so startled he stared back long enough for me to access his memories.

We were back in the Crank infested tunnel. Newt pulled Alex up into the car. A Crank grabbed his leg. Newt reached down to shove it off. It scratched him.

"You're an idiot," I said, releasing his face.
"I'm your idiot," he replied.
I froze slightly and tried to play it off.
"Do you love him?" Newt asked quietly.
"What?"
"Élliot."
I looked away again, willing the tears not to start.
"I might have, given time. I couldn't though, I needed time to heal. Élliot was always there for me but he's gone now and I'll never know if something could have happened between us. It's weird, seeing his ghost. I'm not able to let go."
"Y/n, I made a mistake-" Newt began suddenly.
"Like a 'I murdered someone,' kinda mistake? I can help you hide the body."
"No, not that kind of mistake. More like a "I'm an idiot for not realising I was in love," kinda mistake," Newt said slowly, eyes fixed on me to monitor my every reaction. My heart gave painful, hopeful thumps.
"Ember?" I asked, not wanting to disappoint myself by jumping to conclusions.
"What?" Newt asked incredulously.
"Ember? You're in love with Ember? I can see how that is a mistake."
"No, I'm not in love with Ember-"
"Then you haven't made a mistake, you're still an idiot though. Is it Skylar? She's pretty but I thought Harriet and her have a thing going on," I listed several other possible people in my head.
"No, it isn't Skylar or Harriet."
"Brenda?"
"No," Newt seemed to be getting impatient.
"Are you into boys then?" I frowned, trying to list possible boys as well.
Newt grabbed me and pulled me hard against him. His lips were on my lips a heartbeat later and he was kissing me. Newt, the boy that had broken up with me, was kissing me. My brain screamed several thousand things and turned into chaos. Newt stopped and I realised I had been frozen that whole time. He looked crestfallen.
"Sorry, I shouldn't have done that," Newt sounded dreadfully worried.
"No, you shouldn't have," I said quietly. Newt flinched and got up. I got up and went after him. I caught his arm. "You're such an idiot."
Before he could get a word in, I kissed him. Newt's arms went around me and he drew me as close as he could. I broke it to get some air. Newt breathed heavily, still clinging onto me.
"My idiot," I leaned in for a hug.
Newt sighed in relief, the tension left his body. He sank into me, holding me close.
"Are you going to cut my hands off?"
"Nah," I said, enjoying his warmth.
"I'm sorry, Y/n. You're still you. Everyone changes over time. I don't think I'm the same person from the Glade. I shouldn't have broken up with you."
"It's okay," I whispered.
"I love you," he leaned his forehead against mine.
"I love you too," I grinned at him. We both sat back down on the edge. "We're quite the pair. The Crank and the Corrupt."
"Yeah," Newt agreed. "At least I won't have to live without you."
I hope I die before you.
I leaned in to kiss him again softly.
"When are you two-oh!" Thomas broke off with a yelp.
I broke the kiss and looked over at him. Alex was with him, looking smug.
"Finally," Alex said, rolling his eyes. "The tension was unbearable and look, young lizard, you still have your hands."
"Oh, shut up," I said to both of them and helped Newt get up.

"So," Alex said, laying on the concrete a short distance away. "You got a new plan?"
"Step one, rescue the Immunes. Step two, kill the Phoenix. Step three, find my siblings. Step four, die."
Alex sighed tiredly. "Nik won't let you."
"I'll find a way," I said and leaned against Newt.
He hadn't said much since the roof, just held my hand and smiled to himself every so often.
"I want you to try something," Alex said, sitting up. "Give me back the bit of the ability you took."
"I can't," I protested.
"Just like you can't control the shadows?" Alex countered.
I sighed and let go of Newt's hand. I made my way over and knelt next to him. He looked me dead in the eye and waited.
I opened myself to his abilities and began trying to push it back.

It took an hour, but I finally managed it.
"Ow!" I yelped, rubbing at my head.
Newt was by my side in an instant, hesitantly touching my back.
"That really does hurt," I complained.
"I told you so," Alex said smugly.
"Shut up," I rolled my eyes.

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