He said he loved me... (completed)

Pretending....

What?

I put my hand over my mouth and gawped at the screen, my mouth 'o' shaped.

What was happening? Was Nico cheating on me? But somehow I never viewed it like that... It felt more like betrayal. I waited for something to happen. I waited for these emotions to settle down and form something more like loss or heartbreak, but I didn't feel much but the pang of dissapointment and shock.

I somehow managed to force a single tear out of my eye... I felt like every battle I fought was worthless... I felt worthless...

why?

The only question on mind... why?

Monzika: ok.

I was determined not to show how much it hurt... I had to stay strong, and only then did I realise that my heart had been prepared and I silently thanked it for being so strong... Ok was all I could say...

NicoMartineas: Ok?

Well what did he expect? Did he want me to beg for him to come back? No, I was most definitely not going to downgrade myself...

Monzika: Just one question Nico... Why? Did you play me all this time? Coz unlike you, I actually had feelings...

I couldn't live without knowing, you must understand.

NicoMartineas: Oh, I had feelings, and it's despise.

I froze on the spot. What could I write back to that?

Monzika: Oh, so you were pretending all this time...? ugh, why did I fall for it...

It was almost as though I was talking to myself... I just couldn't help it, It was such a shock, such a downgrade and most of all... actually painful.

NicoMartineas: Coz, you're young

Monzika: But I aint dumb, I knew something was up from the minute you said you needed 'space' I was prepared.

NicoMartineas: Good. Now piss off, I'm at my dad's having a drink and you're pissing me off.

OMG. At this point, I knew I should've swore at him or done something! But I was completely neutral and motionless... I could not sum this up with the guy I had been seeing for nearly three months, the guy who took my first kiss... Maybe it was the drink, he'd said he's drinking.... But I knew deep down, I shouldn't be making up excuses, it wasn't worth it.

Monzika: All this time... pretending... whatever.

NicoMartineas: I'm a great actor!

Monzika: Oh yeah! Congratulations, you jerk! Bravo!

I was starting to get a little angry, but no where near as I should have been.

NicoMartineas: Thank you! You can go live your life now

WTF? He actually thought I was praising him! What the hell! What did he mean by 'You can go live your life?

Monzika: What are you on about?

NicoMartineas: You can go and move on and live your life and whatever

Monzika: Didn't you think I wanted you a part of my life...? Whatever. Bye Nico.

NicoMartineas: Bye. Delete me on fb,

Monzika: No worries, I will.

***********************************************************************************************************

I deleted him straight away, put my tablet away and sat in my bed, motionless. Did this just happen or what? It felt so surreal.

I was having a great time a minute ago with my best friends, sisters, and band members and the next thing you know, I'm dumped? I didn't even think of it that way! I sat there, trying to force myself to feel some sorrow, or shed a tear, but I couldn't! I simply couldn't...

I couldn't cry for the loss, neither could I insult him.

My walls of security crashed and my mind began to work overtime, telling me why he dumped me, that I wasn't pretty enough, that I was dumb, that I was just simply not good enough....

I lay in my bed, all these voices of hate in my mind telling me why I wasn't good enough. I just wanted my bed to swallow me up...

When the stars give way, for the moon to shine....

I thought that you'd be there,

I Thought That you would care...

I lay in bed, unable to understand how I felt. Remembering the song I had written earlier on, changing the words to suit my story. I felt...

Worthless