He said he loved me... (completed)

looking for the one...

Chapter two: Looking for the one…

The weather for the rest of that week was absolutely beautiful; the sun was warm on my now brown back and the little gusts of wind made me feel so relaxed and fresh. I could have asked for nothing better. But there was just that one nagging thought at the back of my mind, the one thought that I couldn’t push back into the furthest corner of my mind or brutally lock up in a chest, and that was: ‘how?’ How will I get a guy interested in me? The girl who is known for fighting with all of the guys in the block, the one who is so cheeky that even her friends get pissed off, the one who is so loud and bubbly, the one that all of the guys are afraid of. How can I get a guy to like me if he is afraid of me?! Only now did I realise what I got myself into…

There is this one guy. He is dark, with a lean body and cute smile and cornrows. But he won’t notice me, after-all he knew I fancied him a couple of years back, we used to be ‘bmx buddies’ going on ramps with our bikes; back then I was an indestructible girl, the one who loved to jump ramps and if I fell and grazed my knee or twisted my ankle I would still get up and dust myself off, and do it again. And again. Until eventually I had bruises in places bruises should never be.

His name’s Jacian. I’ve had a crush on him for 5 years, each summer he would come down from London to stay with his cousin Rick, and he would saunter or swagger across the road by my house and I would immediately recognise him and my crush will return. I don’t know what it is about him that makes me wanna hug him tight and never let go. I remember that one time when my best friend Corel, ran up to my house, rang the bell and when I opened up (looking really ugly, because I just woke up and was still in my pyjamas) screamed that Jacian was back. I didn’t get her at first but when I did, I didn’t believe her. Obviously she was all like ‘you sure about that?’ and then whabam! Jacian, the man himself, appeared by my door while, excuse my language, I was looking like shit! I immediately shut the door. Cringing. It still makes me blush…

I guess I could try and be friendly with him again, but he’s changed. He smokes now… just because he’s 15 doesn’t mean that he should smoke and drink and whatever! It really annoys me, when a decent guy throws his life away by smoking or drinking… what a shame really. I could just do it for the dare… but imagine kissing him while he’s smoking a cigarette next to me? Blah! Yuck!

I’d be really surprised if he even looked at me now… I mean, I’m not remotely ugly and I’m not really pretty like my school-mate Faye but I have long brown hair that I manage to style quite nicely and very big eyes that are like the only feature I like about myself. I have style… well now I do since Faye spent her whole spring tuning me up like an old guitar and transforming me into a girl with class. So I’m grateful.  But guys don’t tend to look at me, not the way they gawp at Gina. It’s quiet depressing really, like if we’re walking out of a shop in town or if we’re in the park, there’s always that group of lads that stare. I used to consider the thought of some of them staring at me, but when one of them asked for Gina’s phone number I quickly dismissed that thought and buried it in a grave of the finest soil known to mankind. I don’t even get it though, what is there to stare at?! I mean she hasn’t got ginormous tits or anything or a huge ass, she’s remotely plain if you ask me… sorry, jealousy talking. I just, I like that kind of attention too. I’m an attention seeker and proud.

There’s no one else I could think of that I could consider flirting with… I wouldn’t even think about some of the younger ones I fight with… it’d be too weird and awkward, anyway I prefer older boys because they’re more mature and sensible. Jacian’s cousin Rick is kind of a moody git so I’ll steer clear of him and all of the other guys just smoke weed, are boring or too old/young for me.

Two weeks went past just like that; more aimless attempts at flirting with Jacian and a couple of strangers in the park and as much as I hated to face it, but I was very nearly ready to give up on the dare. I had met up with Faye a couple of times and she’d given me tips on how to approach a guy, testing me with this question: ‘ a guy accidently/on purpose kicks the ball in my direction then asks if you could pass it to him, what do you do?’ and every time she asks me I answer the same ‘ I’d tell him to go and get it himself and probably kick it even further down’ she’d sigh and lecture me all over again that I was supposed to bring the ball over to him and have that romantic moment when I look into his eyes and he realises that I’m the one of his dreams.. Blah..blah..blah.

Faye tried, more than once, to explain to me that boys are all very shy, but I’d just bite back with a snide remark about how they can’t expect girls to do everything for them. I never really understood, I still don’t I guess. She tried really hard, I remember now. I must’ve been a handful, back then I really didn’t have any clue how guys think, I didn’t even care. But now… it’s something that plays on my mind every time I speak to a guy.

Gina played a big role in my life of understanding about guys, relationships and love (that’s mainly because I can’t talk to my mom about this kind of thing); I remember we’d sit up ‘till 4 am talking about her first kiss and how she’d felt and how amazing a guy could make you feel. I was really interested in this topic, because I knew that it would happen me someday, hopefully that summer. I loved listening to her telling me about all the thoughts that raced through her head and about all of the emotions she felt, it made her seem so adult and cool somehow.

On the third day of the second week in the holidays we decided to go to my auntie’s house where she was having a barbeque because she’d just moved into her new place. I remember wanting to go out, I was sick with having to think so much about guys. I remember exactly what I was wearing too… a skirt with a white top and leggings, that had been my ultimate outfit for the summer, the one I totally adored. Not just because it was cute but because it showed a bit of me with having leggings underneath in case I felt like climbing up a tree or beating in a kids’ face!

Not that I’d hurt kids, I adore them! I love playing around with little toddlers, they’re so cute! If you knew me, you’d understand that now I’m just trying to change subject and not go into detail about the day I met the guy I fell in love with, because it brings back memories… memories I don’t want to remember right now…

My aunt had settled with my step-dad’s best friend, so in a way our families are very close, or were anyway. So when we got to my aunt’s house, the first thing we done was go outside and pump up the music so that the bass is ringing in our ears. I remember very clearly the urgency in Gina’s voice as she called me from the second flight of stairs. I got freaked at first, thinking that something might have happened, but when I got to the living-room I noticed that she was looking quiet calmly through the window into the next door’s garden.

“WAZZZUUUUPPP!” I screamed and jumped at her back

“shhhhh!” she put her hand on my mouth “look…”  I followed her pointing finger and looked into the garden and who I saw there, well let’s just say, I fell in love…