Electric Love || Bucky Barnes X OC

Chapter 33

Steve walked out and I just started packing while Bucky stared at me. He didn't say anything until he grabbed my arm as I walked past. "What just happened?" He asked

"I told Steve about my brother, is that an issue?" 

"No, but it's weird."

"Yes I know, it felt weird but if it keeps him from talking to Tony about whatever this is then fine. Why do I try so hard to hide it anyway?"

"To protect Tony even though I don't understand that desire."

"He's my dad, Buck. But my point was that I don't have any reason to not talk about my brother other than it's hard for me to talk about him. Maybe it's time to start talking about it and working through it. I can't just be the girl with a dead brother forever."

"So what now Mia?"

"Now we pack and maybe I get some therapy to deal with it."

"Doll, I mean what now for us? You asked for space, do you still want that?"

I sighed heavily but continued to pack without looking up at him. "It's not that I want space but I need it and a lot of it. Being around you fucks with my head and my heart and I need some time. Can you give me that?"

"But for how long?"

"I don't know, Buck, I don't know. I'll let you know when I'm ready to talk it all out but for now, I'm all talked out."

"So I can't see you at all until then?"

"I'll see you around the compound, we can talk when we do but none of our normal alone time. No leaving the building together unless it's for a mission and most importantly, no touching."

"No touching?"

"Nothing beyond like a hug or casual things. You can't try to make me change my mind by touching me."

"I know you're used to wildebeest-like men like Clint or Steve but I respect you too much to try to force you into changing your mind like that. Now I might try to trick you into just spending time with me or to lay on my bed. Maybe I'll use Alpine to lure you in."

I smiled at him involuntarily but did my best to hide it. "I'll be around but I'll be spending a lot more time alone for a bit."

"You're going to be the death of me, Mia Stark."

I didn't respond to him, I just went back about packing until I realized he was just lying there watching me. It took about 10 minutes of me trying to push him out to go get him to pack his own suitcase and he came back as soon as he was done. Turns out he only brought a small duffle bag that he keeps very neat all the time compared to my giant messy suitcase. I started doing my usual final check of the room before I took my bags out but when I finished in the bathroom all my bags were gone. He rolled back in with such a big smirk on his face but I ignored it. "Thanks, Tinman." I chirped as I walked out past him

"You're not going to bicker with me or tell me you could've done it yourself?"

"Nope."

I got into the car and asked for Sam to sit in the back with me before Bucky could even come outside. Part of me almost feels bad for using Sam to put space between Bucky and I but I know Sam isn't worried about or scared of Bucky. Sam hopped into the seat next to me and Bucky just glared as he sat in his seat. I tried to avoid eye contact when we started driving but he was making it hard. When we got back to the compound I didn't give anyone a chance to talk to me, I just headed straight into my room. As much as I wanted to go see Alpine and snuggle up in his bed, I couldn't.

The next few days were lonely and it was hard to stay away from Bucky but I kept myself locked up. I left to see Tony and Pepper or to go eat but that was it. Bucky and I had crossed paths in the kitchen but I made sure to slip out. I've been spending my free time trying to figure out Bucky's big secret. All of the information regarding his past missions is heavily encrypted and while it's easy for me to get through it, there's a lot of it. I've seen some things over the last few days. These transcripts detail their torture, their experiments, their goals, and most scarring were the photos and videos of Bucky in action and his victims. The Winter Soldier was truly a monster and heartless, just a machine. It's crazy that even though they have the same body, face, and everything, their eyes look so different. The Winter Soldier's eyes are cold and hard but Bucky's, at least when he's looking at me are warm and soft. They're the same blue but one of them is icy stone and the other is like an ocean. Watching all of this hurts, not because it changes how I view Bucky. It hurts because I saw what he's gone through, what he sees when he has nightmares each night. The other difficulty was that a lot of the file names were in Russian which made it hard to figure out what I was looking for.