Electric Love || Bucky Barnes X OC

Chapter 45

A/N: In case you didn't see it I accidentally published Chapter 44 before Chapter 43 so you may need to go back and reread them in the correct order, sorry. Idk how I managed that or why it took me almost a week to notice I did it 😅

Mia's POV...

I did my best to forget about what happened with Bucky in the garage so I wouldn't tear up while we were eating and I almost could, almost. He was really pulling out all of the stops to distract me so I let him and I didn't fuss about him insisting we still get ice cream when all I wanted to do was take a hot bath and cry. For once I didn't want to be anywhere near Bucky, I wanted to be alone with my own thoughts and misery and wine. I love him but I know he doesn't want to date me or be with me forever. He doesn't see a life with me and maybe he doesn't feel anything for me at all. One minute he's acting like he's my boyfriend, like he loves me and then he's actively avoiding the topic of us being anything real. We sat in the park in silence while we watched people around us and ate our ice cream while I avoided eye contact at all costs. He knew something was up so he was trying to coax me into playing with him and laughing a long. The car ride back was quiet and long and so awkward. "I uh...I think I need some time alone for a bit." I told him when we got out of the car

"For the whole night?"

"Maybe. I mean I'll come to say goodnight later but I just...I don't know I think I need a little bit of time to think."

"Mia please don't do this just stay with me and we can talk if that's what you need. Just don't push me away again I'm begging you."

"I'm not pushing you away but I need a minute or two alone, please."

"I'm sorry, I am so let's talk about this right now."

"I don't want to talk to you."

"Yeah well, I need to talk to you because I can't live like this or worry about you not wanting to see me anymore. I can't go even one more night not knowing if you're coming back and I don't want to be away from you Mia."

"And I just want to know that I'm your girlfriend, that this is a relationship that's going somewhere. I want to know that this means to you what it means to me, that I mean to you what you mean to me. Bucky, I need this to be more or it's going to kill me. All kissing each other does is make me more confused and make me want you more. It makes me want to grow old with you and have a life with you. Now I'm envisioning when we're old or well when you're basically dead and I'm old but not that old and we're bitching at each other about stupid shit but we're happy because we've always had each other. I want that Buck, no I need that with you."

"Mia, I can't date you. Why don't you understand that? I can't give you that life that you want and I thought I made that clear from the start."

"Because you won't explain to me what's so wrong with you that you can't just let me in and let me be there for you. That you won't just give us a chance."

"I'm evil, I'm a bad guy. The serum amplified every trait I have, including the bad ones. I'm a goddamn murderer for crying out loud. I can't be what you need or who you want."

"Your bad traits? Like what? What bad traits do you have, Buck?"

"I get angry and I pull away, I'm crazy jealous and overprotective. There's not a happy ending for me and I can't be the person who takes yours."

"The only bad trait that serum amplifies is your hatred for yourself and your inability to forgive. You will never forgive Steve for hurting me, you will never let go of Clint trying to hurt me, you'll never forgive Tony for hurting me, and you can't see that you are not a murderer. You won't be with me because you're so consumed in your hatred for yourself and your past but never once did you bother to ask what I thought of you. My Bucky is the sweetest, gentlest, most caring man I've ever met. He walks between me and the street and holds every door for me. You make me want to be soft and tell everyone how I feel. Buck, you make me better and you give me something to get out of bed for. My Bucky loves his cat more than anything and hates that she loves me more than him. He holds my hand and hugs me when I need it or just when I'm having a rough day. We laugh together, we smile together, we get through the bad shit together. And yeah you're a cyborg who gets cranky and pulls away from me or gets so jealous that he threatens anyone who looks at me. But I don't give two shits about that why don't you see that after everything I went through, it's you who makes me feel safe and wanted. It's you who taught me my powers don't have to be a burden but helped me to use them for good. You're the best thing in my life and I didn't mean to fall so damn hard for you but I wouldn't change it for the world."