GYU35
Pakiramdam ko maiiyak na ako sa nabasa. Bakit hindi ko napansin? Bakit hindi ko naramdaman?
He was always weird for some reason, hiding inside the bathroom for minutes, taking breaks, having frequent episodes of extreme tiredness na akala ko noon ay normal lang pero... hindi pala.
Beau is diagnosed with leukemia... to be specific, he was diagnosed with a chronic myeloid leukemia. A rare disease that involves the bone marrow.
Kaya pala ganoon nalang ang ikinapayat at ikinapagod niya sa araw-araw...
He used to have an active lifestyle. As a former soccer player and athlete, his whole life revolved around sports and exercise, pero pansin ko ang unti-unting paghina ng katawan niya mula nung nagsama kami.
How come I didn't think of it? How come I didn't see the signs? Hindi ba dapat alam ko na 'yon dahil nararamdaman ko rin naman ang sakit noon?
His eyes were bloodshot staring at me. He knows... he knew that his secret has already been revealed. And what can we do now? Nalaman ko na.
"You saw nothing. Let's pretend you didn't read—"
"Nothing?" I scoffed. "Nothing lang 'yon, Beau? You have an illness! A rare one, even!"
His jaw clenched a bit, trying not to face me.
"What was I supposed to do, huh? Sabihin sayo? Para ano? Para kaawaan mo 'ko? Para malungkot ka sa kakaisip kung kailan kita iiwan?" His tears flowed as he took a step forward. "Can you heal me, hmm? Hindi diba? Kasi hindi ka rin naman doctor! Even the doctors told me that it's hopeless!"
"I heard those words ever since I was born, Beau." I paused. "I lived through it. I survived all of it. The pain, the never ending what ifs kung kailan nga ba talaga ako mamamatay..." Hindi na rin napigilan ng mga luha kong dumaloy sa pisngi. "And you know that I would understand you, kasi kung ako 'yon m-matagal ko na tanggap na posible akong mawala, pero ikaw?"
I sobbed a bit, wiping the tears from my face.
He took a deep breath and put his head down. Hindi siya makatingin ng diretso sa akin. And I can see how his tears fall from his cheeks.
"Kung ikaw?" I repeated. "Tangina, Beau. Paano kung isang araw mawala ka nalang bigla. Iiwanan mo 'ko... tingin mo ba kakayanin ko 'yon?" My voice broke. "Did you even consider how I would feel, if one day, mawala ka nalang bigla na wala akong kaalam-alam?"
I feel like life would be hopeless if Beau would be gone one day. He's already my life. Halos sa kanya na umiikot ang mundo ko ngayon... him and our baby.
"I didn't tell you because I don't want to ruin anything between us..." he finally looked at me with his bloodshot eyes. "Things were going well, Fio. Bumalik ka sa akin... and I want to enjoy our remaining days, happy... and to live life without a deadline waiting. I didn't want to spoil our happiness."
"Gago ka pala e!" sigaw ko. "Ang tanga mo! Tanga-tanga mo!" hinampas ko siya.
He held my hand to stop me from hitting him. Umakyat ang mga kamay niya sa mukha ko.
"Life had a meaning when you came back to me," he whispered. "Fio, I don't w-want anything to ruin your happiness. H-hindi ko kakayanin makita kang nalulungkot kasi baka balang araw malagutan nalang ako ng hininga... I wouldn't want that. Kasi halos mamamatay ako noon nung nalaman ko 'yung sayo... and I wouldn't want that on you..."
Umiling ako at hinayaan ang mga luhang tumulo sa pisngi.
"Beau..." I controlled my tears. "Beau..." I called again as my tears fell harder. "Pag dumating 'yung araw na 'yon, ikakamatay ko 'yon..."
