Turning life around

Bitter memory

"We're gonna start the procedure, Miss."

The doctor's voice pulls me back into reality. I take in a sharp breath, and let Jake hold my hand. I sit there quietly, inspecting the room with my eyes. The plain white and blue walls, exactly like I remember them. The windows, the same mix of smells: it wasn't bad, just oddly specific to hospitals. 

My gaze finally lands back on Jake.

"The last time I was here...", I start in a low voice in such way that only he would be able to hear me. "It was a few years ago. Grandpa was in a room similar to this one, except a few floors higher. It was his last day. I called my parents in the morning. They showed up."

Surprise draws on Jake's face. 

- Oh. You never told us that... But that's good, no? I mean, they showed up. It's still something, right?

"They came here red-eyed", I say quietly. "They were high on drugs. I don't know how they even made it through the whole trip. But I couldn't stand it. Seeing them show up like that to say their final goodbyes? I couldn't. I told them to get themselves together. That I'd let them stay with me at the hospital if they promised to stop drugs. I said I'd get them into rehab myself. That I'd let them be more involved in my life if they just agreed to try and sober up. I wanted them to say goodbye. I wanted them to stay, for him. But also for me." "But they didn't. Because my mom put her hand here, on my shoulder. And fucking asked for money. Said that if I could pay for rehab I could still give them a couple hundreds to - I quote - 'feed their soul '. Safe to say I drastically refused."

- What about your dad? Jake asked in a voice full of emotions.

"That guy's an asshole", I scoff. "He backed her up. So I told him to get the fuck out if he wasn't gonna say something that didn't involve any charity for them. And he did. He got up, said that I was an ungrateful bitch who wouldn't help her family. My mom followed him. I asked her if that was it. If she wasn't gonna say goodbye. I insisted that she's his only child. She said: oh honey, I said goodbye to everyone the second I laid eyes on the first drugs."  

Jake scoops my face in his other hand, and I lean into his palm.

- I'm so sorry, Beatrice. You shouldn't have gone through that alone...

- That's why I called you, Jake. That night. I told you both what was happening and you were immediately here. I'll never forget it. Tina got me a blanket, you made sure I was eating and having coffee. You both stayed with me and grandpa.

Now Jake was tearing up too, and he held my hand tighter.

I start chuckling.

"Well, enough of this melancholic shit. That place made me just a bit emotional, and I wanted you to know why."