Turning life around

Where you thought it would end

I bet you thought my story's ending with the delicious kiss I shared with Jake. Guess what? This was just the beginning.

The rest of the evening was amazing. I literally had butterflies in my stomach, but not the kinds who made you sick. More like the ones who had you swooning over every light kiss your man gives you, make you blush every time you look at him or makes you giggle over the silly things he says.

I was at the peak of my happiness, and our friends soon noticed that.

"Seems like something new's in the air", Luke points out, carrying a bunch of grocery bags.

Oliver slams the door shut. "New my ass", he snickers. "Have you made out already?"

- Yes.

Jake's point-blank answer earns him a jab in the ribs from me. "Ow!"

Oliver snaps his neck back at us, wide-eyed. What was obviously a sarcastic question from him turned out to be more of a revelation, and the look on his face was priceless.

- FUCKING FINALLY!

This scream was Amy's gift to our ears. 

I look at them, and see Grace jumping up and down on her side. Meanwhile, the guys do their handshake/greeting thing to Jake as a token of congratulations.

The whole sight makes me laugh.

"Ahhhh we need to tell Tina! She's gonna be over the moon!", Grace says.

I turn to Jake, and suggestively say "Maybe we could tell her later? In person? Like a surprise or something."

He nods. "Whatever you want."

Luke sighs in an exaggerated manner.  

- So whipped, Jake. So whipped.

~~~~

I couldn't sleep. My eyes wouldn't close, as tired as I was, the adrenaline was still there, but anxiety and doubts started kicking in and kept me up.

I give up. Sighing, I get up and grab my phone. I don't mind making a bit of noise because Grace is awake and currently watching Netflix, while Amy is hanging at Mark's bungalow.

Can you meet me outside?

The reply didn't take more than a few seconds.

Ofccc

I smile. This eases up my nerves a little bit, but not enough to calm me down.

I decide to keep those thoughts to myself and meet Jake outside, next to the water.

- Hey.

He kissed my lips in a familiar way, and for a few seconds I feel better.

We decide to lay down though, and my head rests on his hard chest as he plays with my hair in a unconscious motion.

We're looking at the stars, quietly.

My thoughts don't calm down, despite how soothing was Jake's touch.

The same ideas kept circling in my mind.

My previous relationship was extremely toxic, it definitely impacted me in a way or another, and I really don't want that to reflect in our relationship. 

It's not that I'm scared of commitment. If anything, that would be the least of my problems. Because committing to a relationship with Jake is a dream, and one of the things I'd be more than happy to stick to.

But what Tristan did to me was awful, and made me do things I'd actually don't align with.

What if being with Jake changes our whole dynamic? What if the friend group is affected?

A lot of if's kept attacking me, but what made my stomach curl up the most was: What if I'm not able to love him correctly? 

He doesn't deserve to be hurt. And even if I have no intention of doing so, I'm scared that I unconsciously do. Because let's be real. I went through a lot of shit and not everything I got from it were strength or good traits. 

"What's on your mind, Tris?" Jake says.

His quiet voice brings me back to reality.

- Not much.

I look at him from the side, and stares back down at me. His look was clear, and it said Liar.

We chuckle a little at the obvious lie. "I'm just... scared a little, I guess."

I'm not looking at him anymore. We're both facing the darkness of the sky the whole time.

- How so?

"Well..." I hesitate. "I am suddenly extremely aware that I've got a lot of baggage, you know. I was fine dealing with it alone, but now I realize that if we actually do this - and I really want to - this might change." I pause. "I just don't want to hurt you along the way, Jake."

A moment passes.

- I'm not scared of the serious stuff, Prior. I never was. I don't think you realize it, but I've always loved you in a way or another, every single part of you."

His chest shuffles underneath me and and he lifts himself and me up, so that we're sitting now.

"I've watched you cry over your parents when you were twelve. I was there sharing memories in summer with your grandparents. I saw you arrive in a brand new car at sixteen and move in at the beach house. I've watched you break down over your grandpa and enjoy your time with your friends. I fucking watched Tristan assault you." "So no, the serious shit doesn't scare me. They're as important of the best of your traits and make you who you are. And I love who you are."

He puts a light kiss on my cheek, not letting me speak.

"It won't reflect on our relationship. And if it does, we'll work on it. Because being a relationship with you is a freaking dream and I wouldn't give that up for the world. We already fit amazingly, Tris. I'm not worried it'll change our bond, because you're so fucking special to me no matter the form our relationship."

The look in his eyes probably reflect mine.

Oh boy, remember those doubts I was telling you about? Gone.

That man understands me and handles it so well, and this moment is proof of that.

A little emotional, I mutter a thank you, tears in my eyes.

He smiles and holds the side of my face like he always does, and kiss me in the most passionate, loving way.

I literally melt in the sand.