Turning life around

Epilogue part 1 - Europe

!!Four months later!!

- Holy Margueritas. 

Yup, you guessed it. Tina.

- FRANCE? YOU'RE GOING TO FRANCE?

She launches herself at me, not minding how much I was shaking from the news we just got.

I am accepted.

I took the job.

Well, it's not technically a job, more of a program in which I heavily participate... I just wanted to say that phrase. It's very satisfying to say such sentence.

Tina pulls away after nearly suffocating me for 2 minutes, and when her face is back in my zone of vision, I can see her tear-eyed face full of emotions.

"Gosh I'm so excited for you, Bee." she lets out a few tears.

Her emotion is contagious, and we both laugh/cry together for a while, letting out little screams of excitement and sobs of happiness.

Wow, this tornado of feelings is hitting like a truck.

Happiness, fear, excitement, stress, dread, bittersweetness, and nostalgia.

I faced these emotions and took it all in. No matter how some sour feelings those were, I smiled to myself, high-fiving my mind for the absence of a particular emotion: anxiety.

I don't mean towards the situation - oh hell no for that I was extremely anxious, believe me! But I wasn't anxious for the part involving Jake.

Speaking of the devil...   

"What's with those sounds?" he said, heading towards us. His smirk quickly fades away as he sees our tears. "Oh my gosh what's wrong?"

Dave, who was walking a little behind Jake, was frowning too. Us girls both wiped our cheeks with a smile. 

"Those are happy tears", Tina says quietly to her boyfriend.  She gets up and gives him a kiss.

"You sure?", he asks concerned, wrapping a loving hand around her waist.

She simply hums distractedly, shifting her gaze between Jake and I.

She pulls away from Dave and bends down to give me a small hug.

"Let's celebrate tonight, okay? I have a bar exam revision to get back to, I'll be done by 8, I promise."

She told me that in my ear, and I understand her tactic. She's giving me space and time to digest the whole thing. Tina the queen that you are.

Jake and I stay silent as they begin to walk away together, and I get myself up.

I'm still smiling, but butterflies fill my stomach. Not the bad kind, the good kind. 

Because telling Jake doesn't make me nervous: he doesn't react in a way that would compromise any of my values nor spoils great news for selfish needs. He simply... reacts. Normally. If his reaction aligns with mine... great! If it doesn't... well it's never a big deal. Because we don't have bad intentions towards each other, and he's always so supportive.

But even if I don't know what his reaction to this will be, what I'm sure of is...

- Well... how do I put this... I got accepted for the Europe program!!!

I wanted to deliver the news calmly to see how he would react, but the joy just caught up to me and I'm smiling so hard that my whole face hurts.

I don't realize I'm jumping up and down until Jake picks me up from the ground once the news sink in. He spins me around and I burst out laughing as he's screaming his lungs out.

When he puts me down he does not keep an inch of space between us, and even through the thick fabric of both our sweaters I feel his comforting warmth.

God I could melt just here and there.

He cups my head in his hands, grazing my cheek with his thumb.

"Holy shit, Tris! That's so fucking amazing!!! How are you feeling?"

I chuckle.

"Happy. Excited. And a whole-lot of nervous! But I'm taking it. I've decided."

I add the last bit with a proud smile.

Because yeah I freaking deserve it! 

With that, Jake chuckles, although...

- Oh my God Jake are those tears?!!!

My voice is teasing, we're both chuckling hard.

- Yeah they freaking are!! You're so deserving and capable and you're finally getting all the things you deserve. I'm so, so proud. You have really no idea.

His words make my eyes tear up too. I get on my toes and give him a passionate kiss, my hands on his chest while his are on my waist.

Then he hugs me tightly, his large arms engulfing my whole body, keeping me safe from the cold wind of November.

I feel at peace.

 I always feel at peace now. Even if he's not around, knowing we're together is a comfort in itself.

He will be there if I'm sad, happy or angry. We cook each other delicious meals and shot together tequila and whiskey. I know he hates waking up early on the weekends but I still find him handing me a bottle of water after each of my morning runs. He secretly likes burnt toast, so I slightly turn up the toaster temperature before putting the bread. He snores, it kills me, probably as much as my bad dreams kill him too. He gets that I have work, that I can't perfectly manage my time when I'm overwhelmed. I get that he has a job too... our dynamic is perfect. He my person and I'm his, you know? and there is so much comfort in that. I don't know how to frame it any better.