Code name: Siren

Empty

He didn't even knew why he said these word that night.
Her telling him that she actually liked him caught him so off guard.

He couldn't believe someone would like him.
She had to be crazy or it was just the alcohol.
All these feelings that rose in his chest that night.
He couldn't name them.
They scared him.

At first he was really glad that she avoided him.
He didn't wanted to talk about it.
He wanted to forget it.
But week after week passed.

And week after week he noticed that something was missing.

The realisation hit him one evening.
He was exhausted from training, he came in the kitchen.
Seeing her sitting there with another recruit.
She laughed, he couldn't see her smile through the mask but he knew exactly how it looked.
She had her usual hot chocolate.
He went over to the counter to make his tea.

To make his tea?
Himself?

That was when he realised.
He was staring at the empty cup in front of him.

He felt empty.
He had felt empty all his life.
But this was different.
In his head played a long list of things that were missing.
He realised that she was missing.
All these little things she did for him, they were gone. And he only now realised.
She had filled the emptiness in him and now she was gone.

The next week were filled with things he noticed that were missing.
She had adapted his routine of drinking tea every evening.
She used to prepare his favourite tea and set it on the counter or the table.
She never said anything about it.
She just sat there chatting with the others or reading with her hot chocolate.

There was no tea on the counter.
And she wasn't there either.

The way she had always pushed him to his best form in trainings.
Cheering for him or just nagging him so he would give more.

It was dead silent during training now.

He realised how she had taken over some of the paper work.
He wasn't very fond of it but made it because it was part of the job.
He never realised that it got less.
Until now.
Because now it got more.

Because she didn't silently took some of it.

She had always carried a batch of little sticky notes with smileys on it.
She used to hide them everywhere.

There wasn't any.
Not anymore.

It was silent in general.
It drove him mad.
He missed her stupid giggles when she was reading a smuddy book.
Her laughter when the boys acted like little kids.
Her conversations in German with König while everyone tried to figure out the topic.
He missed how she even laughed about his stupid jokes when no one else did.
Their lillte conversations.
He even missed her loud annoying voice.
When she screamend at Soap and Roach when they did something stupid.
When she yelled every possible curse word there was.

There was nothing of that anymore.
He regretted the words he said so much.
But his feelings scared him.
He never felt that way.
And he certrainly didn't know how to talk to her and explain himself.
He messed up.
And it made him miserable.

He even started to get jealous.
He death stared every recruit that even came one inch to close to her.
He wished nothing more than to things be back to normal.
But that wouldn't happen.

The next mission was ahead.
He shoved all his miserable feelings and thoughts aside and listened to Price break down the task.

„So it's mainly a special mission for Liz.
We're just there for backup.
She will meet Markonov for dinner.
He knows her from previous missions under her undercover name Silva Lenkov.
Her mission is to get the information from him and if necessary eliminate him.
In and out.
We will wait outside."

He gave each of them a file with the important information.
Ghosts chest painfuly clenched.
Her in such a mission?
Her literally throwing herself on some guy?
It made him furious.

„Why should she do this? Isn't there another team for this?"

he almost growled out.
He could feel her stare at him.

„Im sorry lieutenant but I'm the best at this.
And I will take this mission.
If you don't have enough trust in my skills you sure can stay here"

she snarled back.
Did she really thought this was his problem?

„That's not what I meant!
I don't think you should be in such a situation."

„Excuse me? I'm litterally specialised in this situations! I don't need no big bad man explaining me my job!"

she got louder.
She was angry, he could clearly tell.
And that made him angry.
She didn't understand what he meant.

„My god. Don't be so stupid.
Acting like a whore is no job!
Especially for you!
How can someone that has been abused be specialised in such a job?
Especially you!
Is that some kind of weird coping mechanisms!?"

It just came out of him.
He didn't meant it.
He was just so angry.
Dead silence.
Everybody was looking at the two of them.

„What do you mean abused?"

Königs voice cut through the silence like a knife.

He didn't knew?
Her best friend didn't knew?
Shit!
He realised he made a big mistake.

She stared at him.
Silent.
Her eyes flickering between pure hate, betrayal and pain.
She turned on instant and left the room.
He stood up attempting to follow her but Price held him back.

„No! You've done enough"

he was clearly angry.

„What the hell Ghost"

He said nothing.
He absolutely fucked up.
He saw König walking out after her.
The clenching feeling in his chest tightened.
Why was he like that?
Why was he such a horrible person?
He hated himself.