Code name: Siren

Changes

I had to think about the situation earlier while I was deep cleaning his flat.
Over the past weeks we got more and more intimate. But it still seemed something was holding us both back.

I offered him other things to release himself but he declined every time.
Just saying that his priority was that I was comfortable.
Nothing more.

I loved this man to death.

He took really long.
As he came back I was almost done.
Just some final touches.
I was in the bathroom as I heard the door.

„I'm back love."

„Great I'm almost finished"

I washed my hands.
I couldn't find gloves so I had cleaned without them. My hands were burning.

Suddenly I head Simon say something.

„Why did you bring work with you?"

Work?
I hadn't brought anything with me.
We agreed on no work on this holiday.
I stepped in the living room.

„What are you talking about I didn't bring...."

My words got stuck in my throat as I saw him sitting on the couch with some papers in his hand.
I had forgotten that i had them with me.
I wanted to tell him.
But not like this.

„What is this?"

I couldn't read his voice.
I looked down and stepped closer.

„I wanted to tell you. But not right away. I'm sorry."

„Liz what is this?"

I could see in his face that he had probably just read the first page.
What was my psychological attest.

„It's my application to change my files."

He looked up to me with a completely puzzled face.

„You want to retire?"

„Oh god no!"

I looked shocked.

„Simon I can't go on like this.
The attest says I could go back in missions. But I'm highly advised to not just keep going.
I don't want to be like this anymore.
I talked with Price. We made a plan"

„You're leaving?"

„God Simon no! Hear me out!"

His terrified look made me nervous.
I stepped closer.
I sat down on one of his legs and snatched the papers out of his hand.

„I'm not going anywhere.
There's just something I need to change.
I want to get the specialties of going undercover and getting information erased from my file. That's not me anymore. I can't do it."

„That's a huge step. You can't undo that you know that"

he said quietly.

„I know. But that's my choice.
I chose this Simon. This life with you"

He frowned.

„I don't wanna hold you back"

„You don't. It's not only because of you.
It's because of the team.
I don't want any of you to be in such a situation anymore. Never. I can do good in other situations"

He looked at me.
Still processing what I said.

„Listen let me break the plan to you."

I got out some of the forms.

„So plan is that i can go on missions with the team.
But only if necessary.
Stealth and elimination will remain my specialty. Along with translations and negotiations.
If that's not needed I won't attend the mission.
Along with that I will be responsible for the paper work.
So you and Price will only have to do the bare minimum.
I'm good at it.
I like that.
And another thing"

I took a deep breath.

„I applied to be the supervisor for the female recruits on base.
I saw the situation with the complaints from female recruits.
It's terrible Simon.
No one does something.
They are alone.
That's why so many quit.
I will teach recruits in general but also will give classes for female recruits that want to do what I did.
And investigate the complaints and have consequences follow if necessary"

I smiled a little.
He sighed and looked at all the papers.

„I can't say that I'm not happy that you won't do this anymore.
But I don't want you to step back because of us"

„I'm not Simon.
Actually that will get me a higher rank.
I will even get a military flat in the city.
For when you guys are on missions or something like that.
A home.
My first own home Simon.
Our home."

I smiled and caressed his face.

„I can do good Simon. That's all I ever wanted"

He smiled slightly.
But it was a distant smile.

„And you think you can handle that I will go on missions.
The risk of me never coming back"

„Simon.
Don't say that.
First of all you are one of the best.
You always come back.
And I knew what I get into from the first moment.
I love you.
More than anything.
And nothing can stop that. Never"

His eyes filled with tears.

„I don't even deserve you my Angel"

„You do Simon. You're worth every love on this planet"

I kissed him.
Deep and sweet.

„I just need one thing from you"

I said nervously.

„What?"

he said raising an eyebrow.

„I need the signing of my lieutenant"

I said giving him a sweet look.
He chuckled softly.

„Anything for you. You're the true hero"

I shook my head and laughed.

„I'm glad you understand. I love you Simon"

„I love you too Liz"

I rubbed my hands.

„So I heard my amazing boyfriend brought dinner?"

He smiled and nodded.

„Yes ma'am. The best Chinese food you will ever taste"

„I sure hope so"

We had dinner and unpacked all the stuff he got.
We even talked a little bit more about my plans.

I managed to warm him up to it.
I had to get the fact into his head that I wouldn't leave the team.
That I was still there.
I knew he wasn't very good with changes.
But that had to be done.
I couldn't carry on like this.
For me and for him.

The weeks passed like no time.
We managed to get his flat to look like an actual home. He showed me a lot of Manchester.
It was really beautiful.
We slowly got used to this relationship.
And it was the best thing in my life.