I know I'm ugly. I know I'm fat. I know I'm overweight. I stepped on the scale a few days ago thinking I might have gone down a bit since I've nearly eaten nothing for weeks now. Nope. I've gained. I've gained more miserable weight. I really thought I was getting better. I really did. I might just starve myself.
My parents notice I dont eat at school. They tell me, no, they yell at me that I have to eat. I say I do eat, im not hungry, I forgot, im fine. I know they care, or they try to, but yelling at me to eat won't make me feel better, it makes me feel worse.
The words my dad said that one dinner a few years ago still haunts me to this day.
"She eats too much anyway".
How dare you say that, infront of your teenage daughter who already has major self esteem issues, which you know very well. How dare you say that infront of your daughter, the child you no longer hug, the child you forgot as you put a spotlight on her sister. How dare you make a 12 year old child cry, silently and alone, nearly everyday for years on end. Youre still my father, but I dont think I will ever forgive you for what you have done to me.
I know I'm ugly. I know I'm fat. My friend say "youre pretty, youre nice, blah blah blah". I try to belive you, I really do. But I cant. I try to fix myself, and it goes the other way.
I wish I could go back to 12. I wish I could have turned my YouTube video up louder. I wish you didnt say what you did.
I dont want to blame you. I don't. But I do.
Why did I have to grow up so fast? Why couldn't I just have stayed a child when I was one and not have to yearn for the childhood I could have had.
Why didn't they notice. Why didnt they notice their daughter locking herself in her room, losing friends, not talking. Why didnt they notice. I wish, I just wish for my mom and dad back. The mom and dad I had at 5 years old. The ones that took me to the playground and took me to work. The mom that brushed and braided my hair. She doesn't do that anymore. What about the dad that picked me up and swung me around and made me laugh at the top of my lungs? Where did he go? He left. He left me, but he didn't leave my sister.
YOU ARE READING
Diary Of A Teenage Girl
Non-FictionThis is just for fun / a way to document how my life is going without having to worry about anyone finding a diary I dont have a real diary so im Just doing this on here. I dont write in here every day, and chapters are short most of the time. Just...
