Diary Of A Teenage Girl

04:01, 7th of april 2024

Its been a little under a month since i last wrote, i think? I dont know, I didn't bother doing the math. But i was last in class and rambling about how my friends didn't like me cause they weren't even looking at me. Well i was dramatic and wrong, like normal. Shark came over later that class and sat with me and explained that they thought i had been working. Ig that's better than them just not wanting to sit with me but i cant help still thinking that they hate me and he was lying.

Especially now.

My life is going fine, alright? I have good friends, okay grades, family is fine. My life is fine. But this last week or something its just been, idk, shit. Its obviously my fault but idk what happened or how to fix it.

So ive gotten pretty attached to Na, right? She's the first person i think to text, I constantly talk amd text her, i get jealous when shes talking to others for too long, its fucking disgusting. I hate myself for it. I have a crush on her for christ sake. She's my friend not my lover, i need to take a fucking step back.

But I realised that im always the one to text, she probably doesn't even like me, thinks im annoying. Everyone does, i know it. So yesterday I just didn't text anyone. Well I did, but it was really late and I just sent a picture. But I didnt text her. I really wanted to at points, fucking pathetic, but I didnt. She didn't text me like I thought. Do my friends even like me?

Shes the reason I havent been writing tho, shes the one who knows about most if not all of my problems, so im not suprised im falling apart without her. But im not gonna keep leaning on her. I know it's bad im pulling away from people, but they don't like me, im doing them a favor.

I was with H yesterday, haven't been with her in a while. Well, I met her on Thursday, but that wasn't an actual actual hangout. But yeah, we hung out. She used to hang out with this 26 year old man, right? Clearly she was getting groomed but oh well, I asked her to stop seeing him and ig she did. But she got some shit from him before that. Cigs, snus, a lighter, rolling paper, weed and probably more shit.

So. 4.20 is in two weeks, well, it was exactly two weeks yesterday. H has weed. I might start smoking again after that but atleast ill get to try weed yk? She also gave me two sips of alcohol before I left, two different ones. Both tasted like ass but the second one was the most ok one.

I probably shouldn't smoke with her. I should probably talk to Na.

Oh well.