Im boring, i know i am. I dont have any special interests, i dont have anything i know a lot about. I have a lot of things i know a little bit about yes, but so does everyone thats boring. Im boring. I used to have so many special interests, i used to have so many things I knew so much about. Where did that go? Was i using that information to fill the part of myself where the happiness was supposed to be?
Im happier now, I know that. I have good friends, school isnt as stressful, my life isn't as stressful. But im boring. Sometimes i wish I could go back in time. Back to the time i knew so much about so little. I wasn't happy. But I wasnt boring. I know I shouldn't want to go back to when i wasnt happy, but sometimes I still do.
Something else i sometimes want to go back to is that one summer in, i thing 20 or 21, or it could have been 22. I have such bad time management now. But i want to go back. I dont want to go back because of the normal reasons, like it was a fun summer, or my friends were good. No, it was the time that I could easily smoke.
I dont understand why they come back, the urges. I havent even thought about smoking for months. They left me alone after that one smoke late this summer. I think. I remember it was at the dogpark, I used the exuse i was going to walk the dog, and I took matches with me and the cigarettes I stole from my dad. And I took like, 2 drags. They tasted like ass, they were so different from the ones I had had my first times. So I didnt want to anymore. I hadn't even thought about that since this week.
I still have them, the cigarettes I stole from my dad. I have them because of this, if I ever wanted to smoke again. I dont know why I didn't throw them away. I should have. This isn't withdrawal symptoms, so what the fuck is it.
What would my parents think if they found out? Would my dad blame himself? Its his smokes after all. Would my mom cry? Would they yell at me? Would they even care?
I could just tell my mom im out with my friends again. And I'll go up to the dog park. Just a drag, and ill be good for a few months. That's how it is. That's how its been since that one summer. Thats how its gonna be.
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Diary Of A Teenage Girl
Non-FictionThis is just for fun / a way to document how my life is going without having to worry about anyone finding a diary I dont have a real diary so im Just doing this on here. I dont write in here every day, and chapters are short most of the time. Just...
