I tried it. I did. I took the knife out, ran it over my hand. Its sharp, it cut the paper really easily. But running it over my hand i didnt put any pressure. I didnt do it, im a scared little girl. But i tried. And im sorry.
Ive been having thoughts about it for a while. Cutting myself, that is. Ive thought about it many times the past, what, 4 years? 5? I dont know. But ive never gone through with it. Cause im scared. Its going to hurt, and I don't want that.
I dont want to do it. Yes, I want the blood and the bandaids and maybe the pain, but I dont want to do it myself. But yet here i sit, in my bed at midnight, my knife infront of me.
Im fucked in the head.
Its getting bad again.
Im sorry. Im so sorry.
I think that, i mean it, and yet i sit here, feeling numb. No tears, no nothing. I am fucked in the head.
Do i want to send this to my friend? Do i want them to worry? What the fuck is wrong with me. My friends shouldn't have to put up with me, especially not when im like this.
The thing is, i want them to worry, i do. Its selfish. I want them to worry, i want them to care. I want them to check on me when they haven't heard from me for a little while. But I dont want to be a burden.
I am a burden.
I am selfish.
I am sorry.
YOU ARE READING
Diary Of A Teenage Girl
Non-FictionThis is just for fun / a way to document how my life is going without having to worry about anyone finding a diary I dont have a real diary so im Just doing this on here. I dont write in here every day, and chapters are short most of the time. Just...
