Getting Through Life

Chapter 10: Funerals

This whole week was amazing. I stayed with Leah and I lived more in this week than I did my whole life. But now we arrived to the day I didn't expect would come so soon. We were really burying my parents today.

I woke up an hour ago. I was laying next to Leah in her bed, but I could hear she was still asleep. We went to sleep quite late, if you know what I mean... I didn't want to get up, because that meant I was one step closer to it all. I didn't want things to become real for as long as I could.

I wanted to call my brothers, but I didn't want to wake Le up. At the moment I turned around to just look at her pretty face, I was suddenly met with those amazing blue eyes of hers. I guess there was nothing to stop me from calling them anymore.

"How long have you been awake?", I asked her suspiciously.

"Just long enough to know you've been awake much longer. Did you sleep okay? Did we take it too far last night?", Leah asked insecure. I don't want her to think I regretted last night. If anything, that was the best night I ever had.

"Last night was amazing. I wouldn't trade anything for that", I smiled reassuring.

"I just don't want to get up. I don't want the day to get started. I don't think I'm ready Le", I breathed.

"You can do this. You're so strong. I know you never should have been in the first place, but your cards have just been shuffled a bit. I'll be here the whole day. I'll be here the whole of our lives together. I'll always be here", she kissed my forehead.

"Can we just stay in bed for a while and call your mom? That way you can talk to her and I can see my brothers before we have to go", I asked. She nodded already when I wasn't even done talking.

"I'll get my laptop, I'll be right back", she said to answer my question.

And once again, it was just me myself and I. And of course my thoughts. Ever from the day I got that call, I couldn't stop thinking. About just everything and anything. I was never let alone. What if this, what if that? Ever from that day I was just a little bit more lost. Ever from that day, I had to let my anchors go.

"Are you ready?", Leah had already re-entered her room with her laptop. I didn't even hear her, so I jumped slightly. 

"Yeah, let's call them shall we?", I answered.

She got onto FaceTime and the call rung. Amanda didn't take long to accept it. If anything, it was almost as if she was expecting the call. I would think that was strange, because I don't think anybody knows I am at Leah's right now, except for her kind but oblivious neighbour.

"Hi Leah- Louise? What are you doing at Leah's? You know what, don't answer that, I don't want to know", Amanda chuckled. 

"It's not what you think", I laughed nervously. "I just came by because I had to get out of Manchester for a bit. It was becoming a bit much and with you looking out for my brothers, our bond has gotten stronger", I tried to save us. I didn't think this was the best possible attempt, but she seemed to take the bite.

"How are you Louise? Are you managing? And are you ready for today?", Amanda sounded truly interested. I've never experienced this type of interest from someone in my life. It's not like my parents ever tried to. But then again, I was becoming a machine. A robot they created. Maybe they really were interested, but I didn't seem to be able to recognize that anymore. I don't know...

"I think I'm okay now. Just now I thougt that I wasn't ready for today, but something just came to me. I think I can do this", I answerd her. Leah's peptalk also helped me, but I chose not to mention it to her mom. I gave Leah's hand a sqeeze outside the frame so she knew I was talking about her little speech.

"Something else, how are they doing?", I asked her, regarding my brothers.

"Felix seems to be managing. He doesn't talk a lot to me, but he get's along quite well with Jacob. They also play together a lot on the playstation. I don't know about Noah. He doesn't speak unless he has to. He is very, very nice to everyone here. Felix too. But they don't really talk about how they are. I don't really know what else I can do for them, I'm sorry...", Amanda seemed a little bit lost.

"Amanda, don't you worry please. You've given us more already than we asked for. It's not your fault they are not that open with themselves. I'm not either. I'm aware of that, and I'm sure they are aswell. We never got to express ourselves back in the days. I always had to live up to my parents expectations because I was the eldest. They were boys and 'boys didn't get to cry or show weakness' according to my father", I explained to ease her mind a bit.

"I was wondering if we could let Louise talk a bit to her brothers mom", Leah jumped in now. I think she saw how uncomfortable I was talking about this.

"Of course, I'll get them right now", she understood her daughter immediatly.

I looked at Leah. I could drown in her eyes. I grasped her hand and interlaced our fingers.

"Thank you", I whispered to her. I didn't need to say anything more. She knew. She would always know. She looked at me with the same expression I wore. Was this what love felt like? Because then I would love to stay in this bubble for ever.

I talked with my brothers for a few hours. I didn't expect the call to be this long, but I was grateful we got to talk before we were seeing each other at the funerals. We said our goodbyes and got ready. Time to bury my childhood.

Time skip

Leah and I just got back to her house. The funerals were very nice. My whole team showed up. I didn't ask them to, but they were there for me anyways. G sat next to me and Leah because I needed them by my side right now. There were also some Arsenal teammates from Leah. I saw Lia Wälti somewhere, alongsides Katie McCabe and Lotte Wubben-Moy. I even think I saw Kim Little and Jen Beattie in the back too. 

Noah didn't look too great. Felix seemed a little bit better, but I think the three of us looked like ghosts. Not that anyone could blame us. But I was worried about Noah. I didn't understand what he was going through right now, because he wasn't himself. We were all going through the same thing, so why did he still seemed different?

I asked Amanda to just keep an eye on him because I needed to go back to Manchester.

I am looking forward to train again. I didn't realize how much I needed football. That was the one thing I missed terribly this week. I messaged Gareth that the funerals were very nice and that I'm ready to go back. He said that if I could sit through training this week, I'm back in my starting position between the sticks. I can't wait.

"Are you ready?", Leah called out. We agreed we would just get ready to go to bed, because today was draining.

"Yeah, I'm almost there", I said while I cleaned my face just a bit. I moved to the bedroom where Leah was already laying in bed. I laid my phone on the nightstand next to my side, and just went to give her a good night kiss when my screen lit up.

Instagram (@louisemckay24): You have one requested message

I unlocked my phone because I got a bad feeling. I didn't know why, but something inside me told me to just go to sleep and let the message wait until tomorrow.

@alexmorgan13 wants to send you a message

______________________________

Hey again! I'm sorry this chapter is a little shorter... I had to keep it at that, but I promise more is coming!

How are you liking it so far?

As always, thanks for reading :-)