Getting Through Life

Letter to Leah

Hi

I knew you'd find these eventually. I'm either a terrible yapper, or a terrible hider.

But let's get to it. I wrote these because I didn't trust myself. I started cutting myself again recently, I know I said I'd stop but I couldn't. Know that I tried as hard as I could for you. I failed, but I'm okay with that.

If you are reading these, that means that I'm no longer here. So, I have to give you some closure, didn't I?

I am so grateful I got to meet you. That I got to share my life with you. You saved me so many times, even when you weren't even aware of it. You were my reason that I started to love life again. Until I didn't anymore. I don't know if you noticed, but ever since my mom got sentenced, I was down all the time. I didn't even know why, but I felt like I couldn't do it anymore. It was getting harder and harder every day to just wake up and begin with my day. It's a good thing that football is my escape, because that lovely sport gives me routine. 

Like I already wrote, I started to cut myself again. I'd understand if you were disappointed now, I was too. I couldn't stop, but I wanted to. Because of you. I promised you I'd be a better version of myself. I just... couldn't.

Now, if you would ever read this, I want you to know that it's okay. I'm happy. It's okay to be sad now, but promise me you won't be forever. There will be a point in your life that you'll have to give me a place in your heart, but leave it there. Don't drag this around. It will only keep you sad and that's the last thing I want.

I also want you to know that it's okay to love again. You were mine for as long I could be there to claim you as such, but if you're reading this I'm not anymore. Now you will probably say you'll never love anyone again since you lost me (I hope so at least... I hope I meant that much to you because that's how I felt about you). But someday, you will meet someone that will change your life. Let them. 

I know I'm in no condition to ask you any favours, but I can try anyways. If you can, is it possible for you to look after my little brother? He's a mini-version of me. I always loved him for who he was, please be there to make sure he doesn't lose himself. 

And now comes the hardest part. I love you. I loved you. I loved you so, so much it actually hurt. I was sad when I couldn't be around you. You were my light at the end of the tunnel. You were my reason. I'll look after you guys. I will, I can promise you that. That's one I'll never break, for eternity.

It's okay now. When you close this letter again, you'll end this chapter. And that's fine. You'll be fine. I'm there when you want to talk, I'll always listen on the other side.

May we meet again.

Yours

______________________________

I didn't want to write other letters, so just imagine all the others in your heads.

This was a heavy one... 

Thank you guys for reading! One chapter left...