Getting Through Life

Chapter 11: The twist

I absolutely love flying through the air. I was back in training and the strikers were shooting on a guarded goal. Guarded by me and Khiara who swiched every time. I didn't realize how much I missed this. Today went very well all together.

Nobody spoke to my with pity in their voices, they just treated me like nothing ever happend. And I don't just mean the thing with my parents, but also the whole Alex thing.

Right, Alex. I still didn't open that message. I don't want to. I can't help to feel abandoned. She just left me like I was nothing to her, and now she wants contact. I don't understand her. 

As soon as I saw the message, I told Leah. She told me that I could choose to do what I wanted. So of course, I chose to just do nothing. 

I also can't wait for the next match. I still missed the one against Arsenal, which we lost 2-1. Leah had to pester me all day with it, but I just told her that if I stood in goal, I would have kept everything out. But I won't say that here, because then Khiara wouldn't be very happy with me.

Anyways, next match is against Manchester United. The big Manchester Derby. I'm very excited, to win obviously. 

It was my turn to jump to the ball, and just as I was flying through the air once again, I knew what I was going to do. I wanted to send Carli Lloyd a message. I wanted to know more about this whole situation, because it seems like everybody but me knows what's up. I extended my fingers to my absolute maximum and pushed the ball away.

"How can you still save that?!", Hempo yelled out. I didn't really answered because I was still thinking about Carli and the message. 

"Yeah, sure", I answered vaguely which made Hempo frown. But I didn't really care. I stepped to the side and let Khiara have her turn. That's how it went for the rest of training until we were done and moved to the locker room.

We all changed, and I made sure I was the last one to be ready. By now, everyone had left and I could think in peace. I just sat at my locker and thought about what I wanted to write to Carli. I don't even know her.

I sat for an hour more until I was satisfied with what I wrote. Now I just had to make myself actually send it. And that wasn't easy. If I hit that send button, my whole life would probably change again. 

To: @carlilloyd

Hi Carli. I know you know who I am. I really don't want to explain as for why I'm writing you, but then you wouldn't understand. So here I am, explaining all of it to a person who helped change my life in the early beginning. And I don't know if that was for the good or the bad.

I know my parents asked you to tell my team to practically ignore me. That way, your teammate, or friend, or whatever she is to you, couldn't reach me. Trust me when I say that I don't understant that logic one bit, but it has all happened anyways.

I don't know if you heard it already, but my parents died. That sounded harsh, let me try to put it another way. Those kind people, yet liars left me and my brothers in this cruel world to fend for ourselves. I didn't hear about what they've done until recently, hence why I'm messaging you.

I want to meet her, Carli. My 'real' mother, Alex. I want to hear her out even though my parents tried so hard to keep her away from me. If you don't want to help me, that's fine, but you and I both know I will find a way to contact her. So you can choose, you can do me a favour now to kind of replace the 'damage' that you did, or you can stay loyal to my dead parents. I won't force you into anything.

I guess this is goodbye for now. I'm sorry, but I'm not really interested in meeting you yourself. Respectfully, you've done enough.

That's what I came up with. I finally found the courage to hit send. I don't like that I'm telling myself Carli is one of the bad guys, but she is the only person left I can still blame. 

I didn't like any of this. I didn't like that Carli had to be that person. I didn't like that I was in this position. I didn't like that Leah wasn't here to comfort me right now. And I certainly didn't like that I don't even know Alex, even though she is my actual mom.

New message: @carlilloyd

Wow. Louise, I didn't expect this message. I'm sorry to hear about your parents, can I ask if you're okay? 

That was it? Nothing more about the rest I sent to her? I thought about the message so hard just for her to show me some sympathy?

I was still mad-thinking about her response when another message popped up.

I can help you, if you really want to.

Now we were talking. I was just about to answer, but my keyboard dissapeared. I got a call from the person I needed the most now.

Incoming call: Leah

"I don't think I've ever pressed accept to a call any faster", I greeted her, with the common chuckle that went along with it. Everytime I heard her breathing or saw her smile, I cheered up. That's how much I needed- need her. I need her.

"How are you", she breathed once again, as if she was reading my thoughts.

"What would you do if I said I really, really just need you right now? It doesn't feel right to ask you that, because I know what you will say, but-", I asked. I was scared that I scared her away.

"Where are you now?", she interrupted me. It sounded as if she was already changing or something. I heard a lot of rustling.

"Changing rooms", I barely got out. I got a lump in my throat and I felt like I wasn't going to keep things together for a much longer time.

"I'll be there in fifteen minutes", she said. 

"Leah, the fastest you can be here is like two hours", I tried talking some sense into her head.

"I wanted to surprise you. I hope you're not mad, but I'm in your appartment right now. Well, now not anymore. I'm in my car, stay there", she chuckled nervously.

"You're truly an angel", I squished my eyes shut to stop the tears from falling, but I was too late. I felt one creeping down, and then another, and another.

"Just keep it together for ten more minutes, you're doing great", I heard after three or four minutes. I didn't even know she was still on the line. 

"I'm trying Le, I'm trying so hard"

"I know you are. I'm so, so proud of you", she soothed. We both understood that it wasn't about the 'me' right now anymore. We were talking about me in general.

"I need you Le"

"I'm almost there", she responded ever so softly.

"No, I don't mean right now. Well, I do, but I'm going to say this now because when you arrive all I'll do is cry. I love you. I've never felt this strong about anyone the way I feel about you. That's why I need you. I can't let you go, ever. Promise you'll never leave me, please", I only cried harder.

"Lou,...", I heard some sniffles on the other side. Then I heard the engine shutting off. I heard Leah's breath hitching. 

"What is it, Le?", I asked ever so fearfull.

"I love you too", she chuckled through her tears.

I've never exhailed so heavily. A weight so heavy was lifted from my shoulders and I felt like I could breath again after I told her how I felt.

"And that's why it hurts me so much to tell you this..."

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I AM SO SORRY FOR THIS CLIFFHANGER!!! I just had to...

I'm also sorry that this one is again a little shorter...

What do you think Leah will say?

As always, thanks for reading!