Chapter 1

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       I have always loved butterflies , commonly butterflies are a metaphor representing spiritual rebirth , transformation, change and hope

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       I have always loved butterflies , commonly butterflies are a metaphor representing spiritual rebirth , transformation, change and hope . I have always wanted that , change and hope . I have very little hope in my life . For the last nineteen years , since I took my first breath in my mother master bedroom I have been held prisoner in my fathers Estate .

My father forced my mother to give birth in her bedroom with the help of a midwife, he didn't attend the birth . He believed childbirth was beneath him .
" it's a women's job Lavender, no man of my stature would watch such a disgusting act ."

those are the words he said when I asked him why he didn't attend my birth . I was to naive at the time to realize my father doesn't actually care about me , I'm just a porcelain doll to him . The doll in which he uses to take his anger out on .

It used to be my mother job , among many others he forced upon her . When I was young my mother shielded me from my father , I saw him very little in those years but when I did he was very cold and closed off but not mean nor was he nice just.... there , usually disinterested . He always said raising children was beneath him , that's a women's job .

Which makes my fathers actions when I was ten years old all that more confusing. One night my father killed my mother right in front of me . Most of that night is hazy there's a lot I can't remember, but what I do remember is watching my father repeatedly hit my mother in the head with a baseball bat until she stopped breathing .

From that point on it was my role to handle my fathers anger . According to my favorite maid Inez who has worked for my father since he started his business, what my father does to me is called acute ....no! Not acute silly lavender it's called abuse ! I sometimes forget things whoopsie. Anyways Inez has taken care of me my whole life , she always tells me it hurts her heart to see how my father treats me .

When she first told me this I was concerned and ready to call mister fix it . Inez told me that's not really his name and he's a doctor , but I have called him mister fix it ever since I met him when I was ten . Anytime my injuries are too bad father calls him to fix it . Oh back to what I was saying so , I was so scared that Inez was badly hurt , but she told me she meant it figuratively .

I didn't know what that meant but she spent an hour explaining it to me so I understand it now . By the way I'm not dumb I'm just not informed, at least that's what Inez told me . My father used to have me homeschooled but he stoped my education around age twelve, He told me I learned all I needed too . That my only job in life was to be some man's wife and give him babies .

I love babies , I just haven't ever seen one in real life just in pictures and videos from Inez's phone . Inez has so many grandkids! and they're so cute! I'm just not sure how I feel about being married to one of my fathers friends. Especially if they're anything like my father . Inez always tells me stories about the love of her life , he Mr husband based away from cancer causing her to take the job here at the estate all those years ago to support her young kids .

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