Yesterday Eleanor and I made cupcakes. She threw flour in my hair. I think it's the simple things like this that make me realize just how much I love life. Even when there are bad parts, there are still simple things like pink frosting and stolen kisses while waiting for the timer to go off. One lesson it's taken me a long time to learn is that love isn't a limited resource. You don't use up all your love on one person and have none left for anyone else. That's not how it works. It's more the opposite; the more people you love, the greater the supply becomes. It doesn't run out. You can love a person so much you think your heart will burst, but that doesn't mean you don't still love your brother just as much as you did. You can create a new family and not forget about the one you had before. You don't have to choose one or the other. I once heard that love is the one language that everyone on the planet can speak and understand. So I'm going to remember that. I'm choosing love. And not just other people but myself too. A big part of that means choosing to try my best to live in the moment instead of obsessing about the past, or torturing myself over things I can't change. The past several years have been about surviving, and now it's time to focus on living. Really living. Forgiving myself, letting go of grudges. Focusing on what's ahead, and taking it all one step at a time. Luckily, I'm not alone. So yeah, I guess you could say this is the good part.
(P.S. And of course my dad isn't replacing me or anything like that because if he was then he wouldn't bother with making rules I have to follow in order to stay in New York—keep my grades at C's or above, go to every therapy session, and call him at least three times a week—all of which I'd do anyway. Except maybe the first one. I'm kidding. But seriously.)
