I've been meaning to write for the past few days but I couldn't and I'll explain why in a second. Wednesday was Valentine's Day and it was okay, but then in the evening I decide to check on Will and he's not answering his phone and so I assume he's with Nico and just turned his phone off but you know that feeling when you just know something's wrong? I tried to put it out of my mind for the moment but I couldn't so the next day when I still didn't get an answer I went over there and Nico said he hasn't seen him and I come back the next day and it's the same thing so at that point I'm panicking and coming up with all these crazy scenarios of what might've happened and then it's this heavy sort of feeling that weighs over you, you know? And every simple task feels so overwhelming and difficult, even the simplest things like getting out of bed, but you don't sleep either because you know it's just going to be nightmares that make you feel a hundred times worse. And you can talk about it but only to Eleanor, not to a therapist or your dad, you can't even write it down because then it's real, then it's final and he's not coming back and that reality is just too horrible to think about. Then yesterday which was Monday Eleanor had therapy and I went with her and then Will shows up at the house out of nowhere after five days and he's talking about the underworld and stuff and you don't even care what happened, you're acting all upset but it's just an act so you don't cry in front of him because that would be embarrassing, but then Eleanor's upset about who knows what and that's a mean way to put it but at that point I was too overwhelmed to think about it. And she wants him to leave but you can't just make him leave right after all that because that's just a horrible thing to do. And okay it's her house but she lets Silas (who I'm pretty sure still hates my guts) stay so I don't see why this is any different. But I decided if she was going to be mean and make him leave and not even let him stay the night then I'd go with camp with him because that's just stupid. Then Eleanor said they don't really know Will and they thought he didn't like them just because Livi said her whole family hates them. I don't know what I'm supposed to do in this kind of situation because either way one of them will be upset and of course I'm more likely to want to side with Will since I thought he was dead for several days but I don't want Eleanor to be upset either especially since tomorrow is our anniversary and I really want it to be good and not have anything weird between us. So yeah. I just needed to sort my thoughts out a little, that's all for now I guess.
