A Court of Shadows and Pain

Fourty

It all made sense now. The immediate attraction, the way their shadows reacted to each other, the pulling feeling.

"No." Valery took a step back from Azriel. The feeling now only grew stronger.

"It's not possible." she said, shaking her head.

Azriel kept his distance, a sad smile on his face. "It is."

Emotions flowed through Valery like crazy. She couldn't separate her own feelings from Azriel's. "Did you know?" Valery questioned harshly.

Azriel shook his head. "I didn't. But I had my suspicions." he said. "I hoped for it."

Valery didn't know what to say. She could only feel.

Anger, regret, pain, fear, a tinge of happiness. Everything attacked her at once.

Her shadows moved around her restless. Azriel definitely noticed it since he took a step forward. "You should sit down. You look like you're about to pass out." he suggested.

"I'm fine. I just need a minute to progress." she said while closing her eyes and breathing deeply.

Azriel's footsteps moved away from her. She could feel him leave.

"Don't leave." she whispered. It was like all she could feel was him.

Azriel turned around and their eyes locked once again. His wings were draped on the ground behind him, his eyes full of sadness and rejection.

"It's okay if you don't want it. I understand if everything we've done before was just a distraction." he added a sad smile.

"It wasn't just a distraction Azriel." she said. "Maybe it was at the start, but not anymore."

Hope filled Azriel's eyes.

"We need to talk, but not here. Anyone can walk in and hear us. I-- I don't want that." she spoke softly, choosing her words carefully.

Azriel nodded and took her hand, taking them to his room in the River House.

The moment they stepped out of the shadows, Valery stalked for his bed, sitting down on the foot end of it while Azriel sat down a few feet next to her.

The space between them immediately felt wrong, but she needed it.

Valery decided to break the silence. "I know that we are tied to each other, and just so you know, I am not planning on rejecting the bond."

There it was, she had said it. The bond. It sounded so weird.

Azriel shifted on the bed at her words.

"But I am not planning on accepting it right away. You don't really know me and I am scared that once you know everything you might hate me." her words came out like a whisper.

"I understand." Azriel started. "But just so you know, I could never hate you."

Valery had to breathe calmly to keep herself from breaking down. "You shouldn't say that." she whispered.

She could almost feel how hard it was for Azriel to not reach for her, to comfort her. And if she could be honest, she felt the same way.

"Trust me, I am a lot worse than you. So please, tell me everything I need to know about you." he started. "I am the one who gets to decide whether to love or hate you. The way you see yourself isn't going to change that."

Valery took a deep breath. She could feel her eyes start to water already, but she needed to tell him how she felt about herself. Everything she hated herself for.