Requested?: No
Prompt: None
Type of oneshot: Songfic/Fluff
Song Used: Candy Store - Heathers
Timing: Modern AU
Reader's Relations: Washington's Daughter
Warnings: Swearing, implied Lams (John being a gay mf)
Other notes: Reader is seen as the 'mythic bitch' of the school. Being able to do whatever she wants because Washington is the headmaster (hehe)
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"-and then I punched him in the face. Again. Like when is he going to fucking learn that I don't like him romantically?" I finished, banging my head on the table, the rest of the Hamilsquad sitting around me in the lunch hall, John on my left, Laf on his other side, Alex opposite me and Herc sitting opposite John.
"I wish I was you, (Y/n). I would-"
"We all know, you'd 'kill to have a guy look at you the way Jefferson looks at me'. You keep saying it, John," I interrupted him, patting his shoulder, "Don't worry, if your crush doesn't man up and tell you he likes you back, I'll make him," I continued, sending Alex the side eye of 'I fucking know you're bisexual you little fucker. Tell him'.
"(Y/n)... don't look now, but I think we might have a problem... In the form of a magenta and macaroni-loving piece of shit."
I rolled my eyes and lifted my right hand up to my face, hoping Jefferson wouldn't be able to tell it was me if he couldn't see my face. Unfortunately, it didn't work.
"Well, hello there, Darlin'."
"Fuck off, Jefferson. I'm not interested."
"How did you know I was gon' ask you out, Darlin'?"
I rolled my eyes, exasperated, before standing up, muttering a 'watch this' to my friends, "Are we gonna have a problem? Have you got a bone to pick? You've come so far in my books, why now are you pulling on my dick?" I asked, grabbing the cane he always carried around, using the head of it to bring his face closer to mine before pushign him away from me, "I'd normally slap your face off, then everyone here could watch," I continued, using my hands to indicate the entire lunch hall where the majority of the school was seated, finishing off their lunch, most of the tables being cleared, "But I'm feeling nice, here's some advice. Listen up, biatch!" I exclaimed sitting on the table my friends were seated at, "I like! Lookin' hot buying stuff they cannot. I like! Drinkin' hard, maxin' Dad's credit card. I like! Skippin' gym, scaring her," I sang out, pointing over to one of the random girls in our year, "Screwing him," I continued, sending Laf a wink, considering our past hook-up history, it was fun, "I like! Killer clothes, kickin' nerds in the nose!" I continued, hopping off the table and pretending to kick Jefferson in the nose.
"If you lack the balls, you can go play dolls, let your mommy fix you a snack! Or you could come smoke, pound some rum and coke in my Porsche with the quarterback! Woah! Woah! Woah!
Honey, whatchu waitin' for? Welcome to my candy store. Time for you to prove you're not a loser anymore, then step into my candy store. Girls fall at your feet, pay the check, help you cheat. All you have to do is say goodbye to Shamu. That freak's not your friend, I can tell, in the end, if he had your shot he would leave you to rot! 'Course if you don't care, fine! Go braid his hair, maybe Sesame Street is on, woah! Or forget that creep and get in my Jeep. Let's go tear up someone's lawn. Woah! Woah! Woah! Honey, whatchu waitin' for? Welcome to my candy store you just gotta prove you're not a pussy anymore then step into my candy store. You can join the team," I continued motioning to my friends, leaning on the cane I'd taken from Jefferson a few minutes prior, proving I was not planning to return it once I'd finished my fun by messing with him, "Or you can bitch and moan. You can live the dream or you can die alone. You can fly with eagles or if you prefer; Keep on testing me, and end up like her!"
