I felt so exhausted today after I visited the doctor.
I think my overthinking does that to me.
But no more.
Will I cater to my every thought?
Just positive energy and love
Will be embraced inside
I know there were a lot of delusions.
Running through my mind wildly
I dreamt of my in-law.
Cooking with me while waiting for my partner
That dream felt like a privilege.
I'll never get to live.
Then I kept on thinking about the possibilities of it.
In the future,
5 years down the line
How our lives will be
And how will we reconnect?
It felt good to dream about that for hours.
Then I met my friend for dinner.
After my consultation,
Which felt good
We see each other once a month.
He said today
And I assured him I would only go out a few times a month.
So once a month is good.
I have this fear of people judging me in my area.
If I hang out with guys
Because of my history
So I stick to my new friends only.
And it includes a guy.
But I don't feel so scared around him.
Or judgement, or people weirdly
When it comes to my old friends,
Like my brother's friend
I am completely cool with them, too.
But not my old friends.
Maybe I am a hypocrite.
Or it's me who judges me.
More than others might
Or I just don't want to burden myself more.
With the responsibility of showing up for people anymore
I cannot do that.
Whether it's being on time
seeing everyday
Or calling all the time
I need distance, space, and time.
I am detaching.
I am healing.
I am changing.
I am growing.
I am nourishing.
And this detachment
It gives me the freedom to be or not be.
I am finally at peace.
I know I take stress and overthink.
But they're getting better with each other.
