I am watching Gilmore Girls.
It seems like a show about a mother and daughter who spend a lot of time together.
Happily with each other
Not relevant at all.
Anyway, her daughter is studious.
She might actually end up at Harvard.
Every time I see her studying for her goals,
I see something that I lost.
Maybe not completely.
Like she will actually leave this rat race.
And acquire something big in life.
Like I dreamt for our kids
You weren't just my baby, boyfriend, or partner.
You were my kid's dad too.
Though you broke my heart,
While writing this
I realized they deserved better than you.
Someone who is actually their mom's partner
Not a ruler
So thank you for leaving and breaking my heart.
At least I have my own thoughts and beliefs to count on.
I have me and my faith.
I have my mom and my god.
I have my life and my friends.
I have love in its true form.
Loving yourself.
I want a man in my life.
Who accepts me?
From my past to the present
My family and friends
Me as I am
Maybe I was too much for you.
But I know it's my fault.
To let you walk all over me
I might never marry anyone.
I might never fall in love.
But thanks to you
I'll never settle for something less than what I and my kids deserve.
Maybe I'll just try to be a good daughter.
Good human being by doing some volunteer work every weekend, or at least
2 weekends a month
Donate some percentage of my earnings.
Maybe a good sister
Whenever required
Maybe that's all I'll ever be.
But it's better than being a miserable wife.
A bitchy mother who resents her own life
Use kids to outburst her own issues on them.
I won't be like you, my father, my brother, my mom, your mom, or my family.
I'll be better than you all.
I'll try my hardest to heal myself.
Before passing on this generational trauma
Not just physical damage I'll work on my mental damage too.
Thanks to all of you.
Especially you
Until you, I had a lot of faith and life.
Left in me
To fight over and prove myself
You snatched it all away.
You took it too far.
And then you left me.
I am grateful. I am grateful. I am grateful you left me now rather than later.
You saved my years by some means, I guess.
I am going to be a delight soon.
A bright sun
A beauty to look at
A breezy wind to feel
Magic in this chaotic world
My presence will be adored and needed.
Wherever I go, I'll be seen and heard.
Nothing can stop me from being this
My destiny is on my way.
I have this stubbornness in me.
Where I seek and get whatever I want
Even if I don't need it
Whether it's an achievement or a human being,
I make the impossible happen for me.
You have seen it clearly.
From the UK to you
Now, my mom
Sometimes the timing is off, and I don't need it at all.
But that's what changed after you.
Acceptance of failures, or, should I say, letting go, is a new strength of mine in the process.
Whether it's you, Canada, or my career,.
I screwed them all sort of for you with you, and it doesn't matter anymore.
3 years down the drain, and the 4th year is adding to it.
All I have is a master's degree from the UK, a broken marriage, and a passport request for Canada, so that's all I earned in my life till the time I was with you.
So thank you.
I am going to restart my life from
Scratch might remove those experiences from CVs and expectations from life too.
Focus on rebuilding from the beginning.
I don't need shortcuts.
I don't need you.
I don't need the life you offered.
Without my flare in it
I say it like I have an opening to have it all again.
Jokes on me
You might get half of what we dreamed of.
From staying back there
But the most beautiful part of that dream was me.
I make things better.
I make a house a home.
I make your sad life beautiful.
I was the rose that bloomed in your sad little garden.
You are nothing but the person who couldn't water it.
I just chose to keep picking it up until
It stopped growing back, and it did.
Testing someone is wrong.
Because of you, I don't trust anyone.
If you can leave
For whom I left my life, I lived a lie.
To cater to you and our love
Why else would someone bother to stick around anyway?
FYI, you were right about them all.
They all stung a little, but the worst part
You sting me because they don't know me.
They will never know.
They don't need to.
Or deserve to
But you were more pathetic than them.
Because you were given a privilege
Which no one ever got.
Thanks for teaching me the most important lessons from life.
Never let yourself go.
Because people might come and go.
You have to stick to yourself.
Love and heal yourself enough.
To start from the beginning and be there till the end
I am going to make sure to get my younger self
Everything she needs
Every fucking thing
And nothing can stop me now.
You will see me soon again.
Like you saw me years ago.
With that force and fire
Burning within me
As if I could fly to the moon.
I have wings, baby.
You know it.
I might remind you of the girl.
You fell in love with
But she was and always will be
Out of your league
I am not a lonely or sad girl with a beautiful appearance and an interesting life.
I am a confident woman with a healthy approach and a lonely life.
Bye bye, love.
I hope to never know you more.
I love you, and a part of me
I will always do
I am closing the doors to you.
Shutting my life to you
You will no longer be in my life.
Nor the people who think they know me better.
No one is invited.
It's my wonderful life of being
I am figuring it all out.
My career, my plans, my emotions, my dilemma, my dreams, my dress, my fears
Everything I'll make from scratch
I'll restart, reconstruct, and rebuild.
I'll shape my personality.
I'll heal my trauma.
I'll fix me as much as possible.
I'll parent me, and I'll love me.
I don't need people.
I don't need external love or validation.
Okay, maybe doctor validation is the only exception.
But the rest can go to hell.
I love you, Amrita.
You are beautiful, amazing, successful, cool, hip, interesting, intelligent, fit, fun, social, charitable, intriguing, creative, empathetic, empowering, smart, cute, and an achiever.
Thank you for returning me to myself.
Always be grateful to God and yourself.
There are no shortcuts to life.
Day 2 of detox going strong
