15 February
I have been facing severe back pain for 2 days right after physiotherapy, and I also sit for long hours to work. Even 1 hour of sitting takes a toll on me.
Somebody hurt me a little in order to make me grow as a person. That person broke a part of me, and I didn't recover from that well. We are okay, but that incident made me doubt our whole bond on another level. I did grow, and I decided to not be this person anymore. It's okay to live in reality and be a real person, not obsess over things like love or my idea of love or hope. Let's stop hoping and expecting there as well. Let's accept there's no love either, just like everything is useless, so is this. The best part was that I sort of got over my recent crush thanks to the friend who taught me to think about life goals and visions. It helps me to not see my job as a burden since a few days I do feel stress and pressure when I am not able to work because of my back pain, but otherwise I am learning to take responsibility and not get excited about going out and meeting my friends. I mean, I do, but I won't choose that over my work anymore. Including my favorite person. I adore my favorite person too much; he is imperfectly perfect, and I hope we stay friends forever. His friendship means a lot to me. He had the power to hurt me, but not anymore, because I decided to let go of the expectations I had. My feelings are my problems. He can just be himself, and I can accept that or move on. Same goes for him. Is this person taking it or leaving it? Life is tedious, annoying, and frustrating, especially when you are in constant pain. Such little things become your happiness when you grow, share, comprehend, and accept people as they are. I hope he gets everything he seeks.
My life is reliant on people around me, especially emotions, because I can't see them hurting or betraying me. Accepting is difficult but not impossible, but after some broken things, you don't feel like being with them. All you can do is cry and, at best, talk. I don't want to talk with people about my feelings anymore. My back pain will go away soon, I hope.
