I miss you so much.
Suddenly
I don't want to see you.
Thinking of seeing you
It makes me worry so much.
Of what will happen
Like, what's the worst?
You ignore me for being an ass.
Or actually caring enough to be
The way we were together
Both destroy me.
I can't hate you.
But a part of me wants to dislike you.
For the fact that you didn't try hard enough
Or be as open-minded as me.
That upsets me, and I know
Accepting and understanding people is a way to live life.
But this is tough.
Why do I have to be the one to do so?
Why can't he
Actually, he did the same.
Accepted and moved on.
Whereas I am stuck
Seeing him
My tear ducts open up.
Starts draining me completely.
Anyway, I look forward to him returning to where he was for the last 8–9 months.
Right after he left me
I wanted him to leave me.
Deep inside, since I started accepting
He can't actually change.
But that hopeful and optimistic part of me
He kept searching for the one within him.
who loved me enough to grow for the better
Now I don't, and I won't ever do that to myself or him.
We all deserve happiness, and it's okay to not feel okay sometimes.
I'm glad our lasts were so good.
It's better to cherish rather than complain.
I survived the whole deal.
This is just the end of it.
Look forward to my new beginnings.
You know, I keep feeling he is fooling me by quoting, "We might get back together."
That statement gave me little hopeful butterflies.
Then I kept saying it's a lie to trap me to get rid of me.
Now I'm realizing this while writing this.
It's for him; he is fooling himself.
In order to summon the courage required to go through this
I feel better after writing this now. Let's wait and see what God has planned for me today.
