Logan's Version

Logan's Version 2 (scene 6) - Crazy Kids

The scene opens at the set of Prime Hit Studios, where Logan, Zoey, Trevor, and the kids are seated reading their scripts. Meanwhile, Logan is trying to make sure they are complete - Jesse, Drea, Danny & Kelsea...
Logan: (holding a blank paper with the children's names written down on it. He's with a pen as well to tick the "attendance roster") OK, we have (proudly) myself, as always [laugh track] (Everyone rolls their eyes). Next, Kelsea Carlisle.
Kelsea: Present!
Logan: Jesse Carmichael? (rereading the name) Je$se Carmichael? (A cha-ching sound is heard when his name is called) [brief laugh track] What was that?
Jesse: (beaming proudly) That's the sound of money when my name is mentioned.
Logan: (unimpressed) So what are you now? Rich The Kid? [laugh track]
Jesse: That could work.
Zoey: (scoffs) Jesse, you're not even famous yet, and you're trying to lose the money you don't even have.
Jesse: (tries to explain) No, listen. I'm Jesse (crickets are heard chirping in the background. The others look around, wondering where the sounds are coming from) [brief laugh track]. When u say Jesse as "Jesse," it sounds so bland and boring. But when u say "Je$se" [cha-ching]. (Smiles) Huh? Get it now?
Trevor: No. we don't get it. But Broker The Kid has a nicer ring to it [brief laugh track].
Danny: (suggests) Hey, that slaps hard.
Jesse: (glares at Danny) Daniel, don't dare me!
Zoey: Well, Jesse Broker $ign, you could actually get yourself sued by both Rich The Kid & Ke$ha [cha-ching]
Logan: (nods) Yup, now, that's legit [laugh track]. Now, Jesse -
Jesse: Again, it's Je$se.
Zoey: (obviously uninterested) It's not. Now, are you present or not?
Jesse: (grins widely) Yes. (wears sunglasses and hollers loudly) Je$se in the house!
Danny/Kelsea: AYOOO!! (Jesse gives a hi-five to Danny, Drea, and Kelsea, while the adults roll their eyes [laugh track].
Zoey: (turns to Logan) Just tick his name and move on.
William: (reading) Drea Marquez? (pause) Drea? (No response. He looks up). Where's Drea? (Drea walks in, pretending to be on a phone call) Really? [laugh track]
Drea: (on a pretend call) Girl, yes. I already booked the tickets for the Avengers Movie. We can't afford to miss it (pause). What do you mean that I literally can't afford it? [laugh track]
Zoey: (takes the fake phone away) Because you can't. What is wrong with all of you?
Drea: (Looks up) I already told you. I didn't have my beauty sleep [laugh track]. (She sits down as Logan ticks her name present)
Logan: And finally, Danny Potter. (raises an eyebrow at the name he just called - to be sure he read it correctly) [laugh track] Daniel, Potter's not your real name.
Danny: (scoffs) And neither is Harry's "other" name, Radcliffe. So we're both wrong [laugh track].
Trevor: Oh my God. I can't take this anymore [brief laugh track]. We're taking them home.
Zoey: Oh, no, they have potential. After all, the movie is literally called "Crazy Days."
Logan: And they're surprisingly good at acting the roles so well - they'll think they're improvising [laugh track]. Anyway, Danny. If I remember correctly, your last name isn't Potter.
Tracy: (walks in with a large envelope) Hey, guys. Danny's mom just dropped this off with me.
Zoey: I thought you didn't know Danny's mom that well.
Tracy: No, I didn't know Danny's mom had another kid named Danny [laugh track]. Turns out the Potters are one big family.
Logan/Zoey: (exchange very confused glances at each other) Potter? [brief laugh track]
Tracy: (clarifies) Don't worry. Harry Potter is still a work of fiction. However, they actually know the real Harry Potter. He even showed up at Danny's naming ceremony.
Zoey: (surprised) Daniel showed up at "Daniel's" naming ceremony? This is blowing my mind. How did we not know this? [laugh track].
Logan: Did they cast a memory wipe spell without us knowing?
Trevor: It must be Danny's brother, Gerald, who has a friend who knows a friend who knows another friend who knows a guy. He is tougher than he looks [laugh track].
Zoey: The more we think about this, the more confused we get. Let's just focus on why we came here.
Logan: (to everyone) Zoey's right. We came here to rehearse and star in a movie that's no one gonna care about in a year [laugh track]. So, have fun. But not too much fun. Most importantly, never lose focus...

Literally, 5 minutes later...
Drea, Danny, Jesse & Kelsea are sitting and discussing at a round table in front of the camera, according to the ongoing scene.
Jesse: We have to think of a way to stop mom from going for the wedding, or she will lose her job.
Drea: But we can't think of anything useful; we're five [laugh track].
Danny: (turns to Kelsea) Got any ideas, Kesha?
Kelsea: (rolls her eyes) It's Kayla. (She whispers) Did you even read the scripts?
Danny: Of course I did. Just roll with it [laugh track].
(Meanwhile, both Logan and Tracy are watching from a distance)
Tracy: What are they even doing? That's not in the script they rehearsed.
Logan: It's just a blooper. Any moment now, the director will say "Cut," and they'll retake the scenes.
Trevor: (approaches them) The director says the improvising is really amazing. He's not cutting anytime soon [laugh track].
Logan: (heaves a sigh) Let's just hope for the best. Nothing could do wrong.
Drea: Whatever. (turns to Jesse and calls out) Jesse?
Jesse: (offended) It's Je$se [cha-ching] (Everyone in the studio starts to wonder where the sound is coming from. It turns out it's coming from Logan's phone. Both Tracy and Trevor signal him).
Logan: (tries to put it on silent) My bad. James just paid back the 50 bucks that he owes me.
Kelsea: (stands up) Drea, you weren't supposed to say Jesse. His name's Henry in the script.
Danny: (folds his arms in mock anger) Wow, Drea. I can't believe Kendra remembered your lines better than you did.
Kelsea: (furious) IT'S KAYLA! WHAT THE HECK IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Jesse: (stands and yells) WHY ARE WE YELLING?! [Brief laugh track]
Tracy: (alarmed) This is awful! What do we do?
Logan: (bluntly) We could deny the kids and run. I know someone in Chicago who could help us [laugh track]. (Both Trevor and Tracy glare at him).
Drea: ALL OF YOU ARE THE WORST!! (Turns to Jesse) AND JE$SE IS JUST AS WEAK AS YOUR GAME PLAN!
Danny: I NEED MY LAWYER!!
Logan: (rolls eyes) Fine, let's quickly get them together before the director has a hold of what's going on.
Director: CUT! (The four continue arguing. He holds the megaphone up) HEY! KIDS, SCENE'S OVER! [Laugh track] (He turns to Logan) William, get your kids in order. They're acting like they just returned from school.
Logan: But they did return from school [laugh track]. And they're improvising just like you said.
Tracy: (pokes and whispers Logan) Um, Logan, I don't think Jesse's about to improvise right now (points at Jesse. His right iris is turning green).
Logan: (alarmed) This is what his parents warned me about. He's about to have a -
(As the kids continue to argue, Jesse suddenly freezes and stares directly at Logan. There is a quick close-up of his eye, followed by the speeding green wave of light. The light opens to show Logan talking to Zoey in the Hilson's living room).
[Logan: (telling Zoey) I have to agree that you were right. From now on, nothing is going to make me take them there anymore].
(The vision closes quickly, and the speeding wave is shown again before Jesse's eye and full face are fully shown. Jesse quickly regains himself but briefly glances at Trevor, Logan, and Tracy. He tries to get everyone's attention).
Jesse: (yells) STOP FIGHTING!!! (The three stop arguing and look at a worried Jesse) We need to chill the world down and stop fighting! (clears throat and acts again) We will drive nowhere if we don't stop mom from attending the wedding. Word play intended, you're very welcome [laugh track].
Danny: (exhales) Jerry is right [laugh track].
Jesse: (corrects him) It's Henry.
Danny: I know. That's what I said [laugh track]. (Jesse briefly looks at the camera).
Kelsea: We must come together as one happy family and work together.
Drea: Yes (excitedly). Now, who's ready to crash a wedding?
Everyone: (in unison) I DO! (The four hi-five themselves).
Director: AND CUT!!! (Everyone applauds them for their somewhat brilliant performance, including Logan and Tracy).
Tracy: (amidst applause) Crash a wedding?
Logan: I added that just in case.
Tracy: I figured it sounded like your line [laugh track] (Logan glares at Tracy). Hey, where's Trevor?
Trevor: (damping his dramatic tears with a handkerchief while talking to an actress on set) Splendid! Just splendid! (He faces Tracy and Logan) Now this is a story that touches the heart! (The actress nods in agreement).
Logan: (smirks at a confused Tracy) And you say I'm the dramatic one.
Tracy: (shrugs) Simple logic. He's a fan [laugh track]. (The four run out to meet Logan and Tracy, who give each of them a hi-five).

Later that evening at home...
Jesse is talking to Drea and Danny in the living room...
Drea: We did it. We acted so well that we're sure to get paid.
Danny: Now, we won't be called 2 broke boys - and their broke female friend [laugh track].
Jesse: (with a thoughtful look) But this is so weird. In my vision, Liam didn't sound too happy about it. (Logan walks in with Zoey from the kitchen).
Logan: (talking to Zoey) I'm genuinely surprised they were able to ace their acts today!
Zoey: That's actually impressive. I'm so relieved - even though I already told you not to worry.
Logan: I have to agree that you were right. From now on, nothing is going to make me take them there anymore. At least for the next few days until they can put their acts together.
Jesse: (realizes) Oh, that's why it felt so weird [laugh track].
Drea: Like I said before, you have a terrible word game plan.
Jesse: For real?
Danny/Drea: Yes [laugh track].
Logan: As a reward for pulling your acts so well -
Zoey: We're going out for ice cream.
Drea/Danny/Jesse: YAY!!
Jesse: What can I say? I always save the day! That's why they don't call me Je$se for nothing [cha-ching].
Zoey: Jesse, no one calls you that.
Jesse: Yes, they do (points at Drea and Danny. However, the two shake their heads in denial at Logan and Zoey behind him) [laugh track]. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to dress for ice cream (he walks into the bedroom).
Logan: (wonders) Why does Jesse remind me of a younger me?
Zoey: Because that's how you acted like as an infamous 10 year old [final laugh track as the scene comes to a close].