Jesse is setting up a camera in the living room, directly in front of the couch and the centre table.
Tracy: (offscreen) Jesse, are you ready yet?
Jesse: Yup! It's all set! (He sits on the couch. Tracy and Trevor sit side by side. Jesse grins weirdly at the two) Hello, onscreen mom and onscreen dad.
Tracy: Jesse, don't make this weirder than it already is.
Trevor: Yeah, we do not need your (air quotes) "dad" knocking me out again after the last blooper season [brief laugh track].
Logan: (offscreen) You do realize I'm standing here, right?
Zoey: (offscreen) Let it go, Logan. Jeez. (counts down) OK, in 3, 2, 1, and action!
Jesse: (waves at the camera quickly) Hey, everyone. It's your favourite person, Jesse Carmichael! And we're going to do yet another blooper show and behind-the-scenes scenes within a blooper on this very horrible parody of all the 2010s sitcoms. (announces) Logan's Version is being filmed in front of a live studio audience.
Trevor: No, We're not. We're a low-budget rip-off version of all sitcoms [laugh track]
Trevor: And are you supposed to say we're a parody?
Zoey: STICK TO THE SCRIPTS, PEOPLE! [laugh track]
Jesse: (back to the camera) Now, we're going to show what comedy TV show bloopers look like, both intentional and uninteresting ones (maintains a smile)
Logan: Jesse, unintentional. It's not uninteresting, for the 11th time
Jesse: (smiles nervously) My bad. Can we take it from the top?
Everyone in the room, both onscreen and offscreen: NOOO!!
Beep...
(Jesse and Zoey walk into the living room with a tray of smoothies for Logan, Nigel, Tracy, Trevor, and Kelsea) We got smoothies for everyone (hands the red drink to Logan, who drinks and spits out immediately)
Logan: (disgustedly looks at the tiny gravel in his hand) Is this a yellow gold?
Director: CUT! (Logan tries to stifle a laugh)
Beep...
Logan: Is this a yellow rock?
Jesse: No, that's a piece of gold in sugary watermelon
Tracy: Have you been listening to Harry Styles again?
Kelsea: (stands up and acts out of character) OK, I've had enough. This is the "2010s"; Fine Line doesn't show up until 2020. Work harder, people!!
Beep...
Nigel and Logan are about 5 feet apart. In this scene, Nigel is supposed to attack Logan, who's munching on his hamburger
Director: (offscreen) ACTION!!
Nigel: (in character, he charges at Logan) You monster! (rushes toward Logan, who knocks him down with a nearby messenger bag).
Zoey: (walks on set) Logan, he's supposed to "hit" you.
Logan: Oops, reflexes, my bad. (puts another piece of burger in his mouth)
Beep...
Drea, Jesse, Kelsea, and Danny are having a meeting in the dining room
Drea: (to Jesse) We have to do something to get Alfred out of trouble.
Danny: Luckily, for us, I've got a great plan.
Jesse: (exchanges glances with Kelsea) Danny's the one with a plan?
Kelsea: Oh, shoot!
Logan: (offscreen) CUT!!
Beep...
Jesse: Danny's the one with a plan?
Kelsea: Oh, snap!
Logan: (offscreen) Oh, NO! Come on, Kelsea.
Kelsea: Can we take it again once more?
Logan: Sure thing, kiddo.
Beep...
Tracy is trying to flirt with Nigel in this scene.
Tracy: So, Angelo?
Nigel: (staring blankly) It's Nigel.
Tracy: Same thing. I gotta ask, did you come from Heaven? Cause I believe you're my "guardian" Nigel.
Nigel: (smirks) Really? And your golden hair compliments your invisible halo. (The two stare at each other for a while, but Tracy ends up breaking character)
Tracy: (she starts giggling as she stands up from the couch) Guys, please, CUT! I can't look at this pretty boy with a straight face anymore.
Nigel: (to the camera) Guys, she thinks I'm pretty (Everyone laughs, including Nigel and Tracy)
Beep...
Drea and Jesse are pacing worriedly in the living room
Drea: (to Jesse) If we can hurry up now, we can finish up before Logan and Zoey show up.
Jesse: I don't know, Drea. (He stops pacing and freezes at a spot. Just as he stares into space for about five seconds, he blinks)
Logan: CUT! (turns to Trevor) Do that green thing on your computer and add the later scene in it.
Trevor: You mean like a PowerPoint effect?
Logan: Yeah, that. And enough of the sassy attitude.
Trevor: (faces camera, with an unimpressed look) Yup, that's Logan.
Beep...
Jesse: (to Kelsea) Danny's the one with a plan?
Kelsea: (puts both hands on her cheeks, in a manner similar to Kelvin on the Home Alone release poster) Mamma Mia!!
Logan: KELSEA!! FOR THE ELEVENTH TIME! IT'S "OH, NO!!"
Kelsea: (flips her hair) My bad.
Beep...
Danny: (running to Zoey) Miss Zoey, Jesse has hurt his arm while riding his bike! A catalyst has happened.
Director: CUT!
Beep...
Danny: A catchphrase has happened?
Zoey: Catastrophe, Danny.
Director: CUT!
Beep...
Trevor: Tracy, the earlier we get in line, the more likely our chances are at passing the auditions.
Tracy: Look, Trevor (she pauses, but suddenly grins). I'm sorry I forgot my lines again. Can I reread them again?
Beep...
Logan: (walks slowly toward the couch) OK, so I'm supposed to do a stunt on the couch?
Director: Yeah.
Logan: Like this? (he jumps on the couch)Let's get this party started, people!!
Director: Exactly, Mr Hilson.
Logan: (climbs down) Can we get my stunt guy for this, please?
Director: Absolutely, not, Hilson. This is a sitcom.
Logan: And I'm Logan Hilson, sir.
Zoey: (sips tea) Man, the audacity...
Beep...
Danny: Miss Zoey, a catastrophe has happened! (He breaks character and smiles widely) Did I get it right?
Zoey: Yeah, you did (hi-fives Danny).
Logan: (offscreen) We'll scrape that part, though...
Beep...
Alfred is talking to Jesse in the dining room
Alfred: (Holding a chicken wing) Jesse, whatever happens, you can't tell Tracy I took the last chicken piece.
Jesse: Sure thing, Alfred. (He freezes and stares straight ahead into space, but he quickly blinks. He breaks character almost immediately) Hold up, I didn't get it right again.
Beep...
(Nigel and Kelsea are on a movie set)
Kelsea: No way, Nigel. I can't wear the yellow shirt. I prefer the blue one.
Nigel: But the blue one makes your eyes pop.
Director: Seriously, Gravy! Say it with passion! POP!
Nigel: And it's pronounced Grayson. Say that with respect, sir. (The camera quickly faces Tracy and Zoey. The two shake their heads while sipping Coca-Cola drinks)
Tracy: (scoffs) The audacity.
Beep...
Drea: But Mr Logan, Jesse is the only one who would write like that.
Logan: Yeah, and for some reason, you had to be "write" about it [gasp track]. (Logan breaks character) OK, cut! Who's in charge of the soundtrack? (The camera quickly faces Michael, who's pushing random buttons on the soundtrack board. Trevor, the actual track guy, rolls his eyes) [brief laugh track].
Michael: Guess who came back, people? [he hits the applause track]
Trevor: (grins) Sorry, guys. He's our guest star!
Michael: Yep, that's me! [laugh track]
Zoey: (visibly annoyed) OK, seriously. Does no one get it right around here? [Michael hits the laugh track button]
Beep...
Finally, Jesse, Tracy, and Trevor are seen eating from a bucket of ice cream. They don't realize they're on air until 5 seconds later.
Logan: (offscreen) The blooper's over, you guys. We're live.
Tracy: (with a mouthful of ice cream) Oh, snap.
Trevor: (widens eyes) It's picture time. (He gulps down the ice cream quickly, only to yell in pain) My brain!
Jesse: (hands a bottle of water from nowhere to Trevor) Here, Mr Trevor. (Soon enough, Logan, Zoey, Nigel, Drea, Danny, Kelsea, and Alfred join the others in the living room. Kelsea, Trevor, Danny, Drea, and Zoey stand behind the couch, while Logan, Jesse, Tracy, Alfred, and Nigel sit down respectively).
Kelsea: Hold up, blooper shows don't always end with a photograph.
Logan: And that's what makes us unique. Hence, (he brings out a thick paper with the words "Logan's Version" written in all caps) we're called Logan's Version.
Everyone: (exchanging glances with one another before responding in unison) Nahh!!
Jesse: Alright, then. In three, two... (Everyone smiles for the camera, which clicks a few times after Jesse stops counting).
Logan: Hopefully, it will be better than the last blooper season [applause track]. Wrong timing, Michael! (We see Michael at the soundtrack board. He grins nervously)
Michael: (imitates Kelsea's voice) My bad. (Everyone, including Kelsea, laughs at the comment. Michael joins the others as they start to randomly laugh and chat, forgetting they're still on air. The applause track is heard as the scene comes to a close).
YOU ARE READING
Logan's Version
HumorNot-so-popular teen actor, Logan Hilson, juggles his acting career with his side hustle (babysitting kids he once taught in kindergarten), with help from his older sister, Zoey, and close friends, while getting involved in the daily drama that comes...
