Logan's Version

Logan's Version (scene 18) - Blooper Script

Logan & Zoey are in the living room. While Zoey is seated on the couch, Logan's trying to set up a video camera.
Zoey: Are we ready yet?
Logan: The stupid camera won't stand still.
Zoey: It's because you put it upside down. How in the world do you do things? [laugh track].
Logan: (sets it properly and turns it on) Recording, and - ACTION!
Zoey: You don't need to say record when it's already recording.
Logan: Just follow my lead (both look into the camera, smiling awkwardly). Hey, friends. As you know, I'm your guy, Logan, of Logan's Version. (proudly) The coolest of them all.
Zoey: And I'm Zoey, his big sister. The mature one. (turns to Logan) Also, don't lie to our viewers. They got kids watching with them [laugh track].
Logan: (rolls eyes. He raises up a script) Anyway, this is the script of what Logan's Version would be like if we had a blooper show.
Zoey: We've got each and every one of your favourite characters (air quotes) "on set" to do something crazy while on set, even though we're obviously "fiction."
Logan: As said, everyone makes mistakes, including "mature" people (faces Zoey, who rolls her eyes) [laugh track].
Zoey: So, we're going to (pauses). Are we supposed to read it or let them use their imagination? We've got more than 7 long blooper scripts. They're supposed to be short.
Logan: (shrugs) Then, let's get ready. OK, let's start the scenes... (The camera is covered briefly, but the two talk off-camera).
Logan: Aren't we supposed to show them?
Zoey: Nah, that's the writer's problem now [laugh track].

Beep...
(The setting is the Hilson living room. Michael enters the house with his backpack, smiling for no apparent reason)
Michael: What a beautiful day (he proudly sits on the couch and suddenly stops smiling. He scratches his head in confusion). What's my next line?
Zoey: (walks in immediately and sits on the couch) Michael, you don't have a next line [Laugh track]. (Michael stares at the camera in embarrassment)

Beep...
(Zoey walks out of the kitchen with a spatula in her right hand) Logan?
Logan: What's up?
Zoey: I can't find the pot that does that chicken thing when you fry whoosh. (Logan and Michael try to stifle a laugh) What's so funny with what I said - (realizes) Oh [laugh track].

Beep...
(The doorbell rings, and Zoey opens the door, still holding the spatula. Tracy and Mikey are at the door).
Tracy: Hey, spatula. I mean, friend (looks at the camera and laughs. Mikey and Zoey palm their faces as they try to hide their laughter as well).

Beep...
Tracy: (looking directly at the camera) OK, Jesse. U know what to do. Are you ready?
Jesse: (dressed in a blue tank top and grey sweatpants, while wearing a blue and grey wrist band on his left hand. He stretches his hands and legs as though he is about to run a marathon) Ready! (gulps down a bottle of water from nowhere) [laugh track]
Tracy: OK? (hits the couch) GO!
Jesse: (stops stretching and freezes immediately, stares into the camera, which does a slow close-up of his right eye) [laugh track]. (A whoosh sound is heard, causing Jesse to lose focus) What's that?
Drea: (offscreen) WHOOOOOA!!! [continuous laugh track] (Runs in with a long green ribbon past Tracy and Jesse and stops at the door; the two stare at her in confusion). IT'S VISION TIME, PEOPLE!! (Proceeds to run again back to the kitchen, but Tracy stops her) [laugh track slowly stops]
Tracy: Dora -
Drea: (confused) The name's Drea.
Tracy: I don't care [laugh track]. That was impressive and all, but the green effect is literally their job (points offscreen. The camera quickly reveals Mikey and Trevor behind two laptops and a soundtrack amplifier. The three wave at the camera).
Trevor: Wassup, camera.
Mikey: We're going to create a vision effect for Jesse Carmichael here. Our little Raven. (goes to hi-five Jesse, but Tracy shoots a glare at him)
Tracy: (snarls) He's our little Booker, and I'm the Raven. CAWW! [Laugh track] (Mikey slowly returns to the laptops)
Jesse: Is that how Ravens are supposed to sound? [another laugh track]
Tracy: Yes, my child. An important lesson from Teacher Tracy (camera quickly shows Logan standing with Zoey at the kitchen door)
Logan: You do realize I'm his teacher, right?