Logan's Version

LV 3 [a lockdown comedy] (scene 7) - Locked Boredom

Kelsea is seen sitting on one of the chairs at the edge of the dining table, making a phone call to someone on her phone.
Kelsea: Gurl, I told you to back off. (pause) And it's not because I care [laugh track]. (Jesse approaches her with a large plate of pizza) I'm going to call you later. He's here [brief laugh track]
Jesse: And you're here acting like the girl on the phone is your friend.
Kelsea: I have to be nice to Rhiannon. We just found out that Hudson has been cheating on us with Helen, Trina, and Cassie [laugh track]
Tracy: (joins in with a novel in her left hand) Oh my God. Someone got boy problems and didn't tell me? Kelsea, this is upsetting.
Kelsea: Hudson is cheating on me
Tracy: Now, he's upsetting me! Kelsea, you're forgiven [brief laugh track]
Jesse: And Kelsea, we've been over this! You and Hudson never dated! [brief laugh track]
Kelsea: (defensive) But I'll have you know he's officially my first ex.
Tracy: Kelsea, your crush doesn't count as an ex. Who even told you that?
Logan: (walks out of his room) Man! It's just day 3 of the lockdown, and I'm bored! (turns to Tracy) Hey, blondie, I don't have Cameron's number. Do you have it on your phone? [laugh track]
Tracy: (glares at Kelsea) Kelsea, you took love advice from a hopeless romantic? [laugh track] (turns to Logan) Sweetie, we've been over this. Cameron Diaz doesn't know you exist [brief laugh track]
Logan: And don't call me sweetie. We've been over that, too. To be clear, former crushes count as exes.
Tracy/Jesse: No, they don't
Logan/Kelsea: Yes, they do! [brief laugh track]
Everyone: (groans in frustration) THIS IS BORING!! (They all go to sit on the living room couch)
Logan: (exhales) I'm so tired of the whole stay at home everyday thing.
Jesse: Will there be a day when I get to go out and meet my friends?
Kelsea: The only friends you have are Drea, Danny, and sometimes Michael.
Jesse: And your only friend right now is me. Be grateful for that [brief laugh track]
Tracy: Look what this pandemic is doing to us!
Logan: Is it the fact that it's taking away our freedom to move and causing unlimited social distancing?
Tracy: What? Not that. It's causing us to be in sync against our will. Kelsea and Logan suddenly agree on everything, and Jesse just had to take after me. It's supposed to be like son, like teenage dad [laugh track]
Logan: I thought you preferred Jesse being sarcastic like you and not friendly like me.
Tracy: He was 5 to 6 years old, then. It's adorable at that age. Now, he's 10, and he's annoying. I think I can handle him properly a bit better now
Logan: (scoffs and smirks) Oh, 10 is an angelic age for everyone. Wait till he's 15 in the next four Christmas years. You'll beg me to help you out.
Tracy: I never beg you for anything. Don't be delusional [laugh track]
Jesse: (raises his right hand) Just a heads up!I'm still here listening to you [another laugh track]
Kelsea: I gotta ask. Whatever happened to Mr Armanie, the detective?
Logan: Well, he and Simran are together. For some reason. (Just then, the doorbell rings. Logan goes to open the door. Standing at the entrance are Armanie and Simran. They are wearing surgical nose masks and hand gloves)
Simran: Namaste, Tracy. Jesse, Kelsea, and the other one.
Logan: You know my name! Everyone knows MY NAME! [laugh track]
Armanie: Yeah, we get. (points at the nose masks) And we can never be too careful, can we? (The two walk in as Logan closes the door)
Simran: Well, we came here for two reasons. Firstly, we are together. As you all can see, it wasn't really obvious [brief laugh track]
Logan/Tracy/Jesse/Kelsea: (exchange glances, then shrug and murmur incoherently) Yeah. Sure. Not obvious [another laugh track]
Kelsea: (whispers to Jesse) This is our cue to leave. (The two leave the adults and head to the kitchen)
Armanie: And for all the singles out there, like our 17 year old friend here [brief laugh track], your former crush does not count as your ex. That's the second reason we're here
Logan: (initially confused) How did you - (he pauses and turns to glare at Tracy) Tracy?! We've been over this!
Tracy: Well, birds of a feather flock together. And someone had to tell this little birdie the truth.
Logan: (exhales before facing Armanie and Simran) Armanie, you heard her. You should really mind what you say, sometimes.
Tracy: I mean you, parrot [brief laugh track]
Logan: And I'm sitting elsewhere. We can't beat social distancing [laugh track]. Since Tracy called, be her guests.
Armanie: Man, why does his attitude seem so familiar?
Simran: Birds of a feather? (rolls her eyes) Jesus! The only difference between you two is that he's neither psychic nor detective. He's smarter than you - unfortunately [laugh track]. (The three sit on the couch as the scene ends)