Logan's Version

Logan's Version 2 (scene 17) - Bully's Trauma

The scene starts with Logan and Trevor driving back home from Jesse's school. Kelsea, Jesse, and Michael [applause track] are in the backseat of the car.
Logan: So, big guy, how was school today? Anything I need to know?
Jesse: (shrugs) We had Maths. And we also got a new substitute -
Logan: (cuts in) Child, you know what I mean by "anything I need to know"; (brings out a journal) I need the good stuff! [laugh track]
Michael: (elated) Oh, yeah, finally. (to Jesse) You always give out the boring stuff no one wants to know about.
Jesse: That's because nothing happened today -
Everyone: (groans) BORED ALERT! [brief laugh track]
Michael: Actually, two girls in eighth grade fought today over some douche bag who was seeing someone else. And when they found about, they beat up the guy real good. Spoiler alert, all of the girls are side chicks.
Logan/Trevor: (in shock) OOOOOHH! [laugh track]
Logan: So who's the main girl?
Jesse: (coldly) No one knows, and no one cares.
Michael: (sassily) Umm, I care. Good thing I got a big sister in the 9th grade.
Logan: Man, back then, Zoey used to tell me all the ongoing drama going on while she was in high school. And that's both real-life high school and drama high school. Her school was literally called Drama High [laugh track].
Jesse: Drama is a boring element in life.
Everyone: (gasps in terror)
Logan: (panics) STOP THE CAR!! (Nigel brings the car to an abruptly screeching halt, causing the kids to hit their heads on the back of the front seats. Logan's facial expression of fear quickly changes to one of annoyance as he turns toward Jesse) Carmichael! Repeat what you just said!
Michael: (to Kelsea) Great. He just had to make a word play on "Carmichael" at the most inconvenient time [laugh track].
Jesse: (scared of Logan's sudden change in mood) I didn't say anything.
Logan: I know you way too well, Jesse. You only counter everyone's statements when you're specifically hiding something. I hope it's not them pizza boxes again [brief laugh track]
Jesse: I'm not hiding anything.
Logan: (smirks and faces Michael) Michael?
Michael: I got this. (He suddenly brings out some papers, a remote control [microphone] while wearing random glasses, and a fake moustache as he imitates a news correspondent. Everyone,  except Logan, is confused as to how Michael got those items) [brief laugh track] We interrupt this program to report breaking news. Jesse Carmichael, psychic child actor, has been reportedly a victim of bullying for the past 1 week now by a classmate only known as Lincoln, who has been with Jesse since the 1st grade [laugh track].
Logan: (concerned and upset at the same time) Mr. Carmichael, (clarifies) the real Carmichael, [brief laugh track] I can't believe you would hide something as important that.
Michael: (continues as he faces Jesse) We are here live and direct with the victim. So Mr. Jesse, tell us everything you know about this bully that you have refused to inform your teacher, not-so-popular actor, Logan Hilson.
Logan: (takes the remote from Michael while simultaneously rolling his eyes) OK, that will be enough news for today. Thank you very much [laugh track]...

Back at the Hilson household, in the living room, Logan, Trevor, and the kids are seen with Zoey and Tracy.
Zoey: Jesse, you have a bully, and you didn't say anything. That is the worst way to solve that.
Jesse: He said if I told anyone, he would hurt me, and Lincoln's pretty scary.
Logan: (scoffs) Oh, please. He's like your height and weight. He'll be easy to ward off.
Tracy: (cuts in) OK, I'll have to stop you right there, Mr. never thinks straight [laugh track]. I'm technically your bully, so don't just judge by looks. And in as much as you haven't seen what Lincoln looks like, it will be easier if you don't say anything that will get you in trouble. After all, no one expects any other blonde girl like myself to bully anyone. That's a job for Mean Girls to do [another laugh track].
Zoey: I have to agree with Tracy on this. Besides, Logan, didn't Neil bully you in middle school on your journey to fame? Except that, now, you're mostly rivals, and you're technically doing better than him.
Trevor: (sipping tea) Hold up, you're still on that journey? [brief laugh track]
Logan: (sassily) Haha, very funny. (to Jesse) Big guy, we're going to meet the dork that had the nerve to hurt my precious boy. And we need everyone on board. Michael, you obviously go to the same school, so you're his only hope. Kelsea, you're famous. You have to stall Lincoln when I tell you to.
Zoey: (shrugs) That could work. If we were in a comedy script or TV show [brief laugh track].
Logan: I'm also notifying Gerald and Stephanie to let them know their little boy's not safe.
Kelsea: OK, while this is a job for the adults to do. I'm going to juggle both school and my acting career.
Trevor: Now I can proudly say she's on a journey to fame.
Logan: (sarcastic) Yes, Mr. one hit wonder [laugh track and applause].
Michael: (looks at camera) Was the applause necessary? [brief laugh track]