Logan's Version

Logan's Version 2 (scene 13) - breaking facts

Once again, the scene opens with Logan typing on his laptop in the living room. This time, Zoey and Nigel are staring intently at him side by side. The laugh track is heard briefly as Logan seems not to notice that the two have been sitting there.
Zoey: I know I always love to see you like this instead of being the troublesome sibling that you are. But this is way too much.
Nigel: You haven't eaten in hours. It's almost like you take this very seriously.
Logan: It's my job. I have to be literally serious about it [brief laugh track]. You sound like I forgot everything else again. (Tracy and Jesse open the front door and walk in. Jesse looks incredibly stressed while Tracy is upset)
Tracy: Logan, if this new formal serious attitude is going to be a problem, then we need the old Logan back, I'm begging you.
Logan: (stares at the two before realizing what just happened) I forgot Jesse at school again, didn't I?
Everyone: Yeah [laugh track].
Logan: (heaves a sigh) Fine. If it makes y'all feel any better, I'm already through with it. (He closes the scripts he has been typing and puts it down on the centre table. However, his laptop is still on)
Nigel: Finally, what a relief.
Logan: And I'm going to start checking the typos.
Tracy: (quickly snatches the laptop) Gimme that! [laugh track] Logan, it is the beginning of the new month.
Nigel: And you know what they say about February?
Logan: The month of fame and fortune? I'm already doing that
Jesse: I think it stands for a successful month
Zoey: (shakes her head) No, Jesse. I think it's a "For You" month. A month meant for only ourselves.
Nigel: (rolls his eyes) No, you nitwits. [brief laugh track] Jeez, Logan has been so busy these days that everyone else has suddenly become the dumb characters.
Tracy: Man, I felt something has been off about me for the past 2 weeks [laugh track].
Nigel: Anyway, February is the month of love, and we're taking you out.
Logan: I'm confused.
Zoey: No, we're taking you out to take you and someone else out. As the saying goes, find love and love shall find you.
Jesse: I don't think that's how it works in both real life and movies. (He faces the camera) Comedy shows display them the worst [laugh track].
Logan: (staring at Jesse) Big guy, who are you talking to?
Jesse: (shrugs) It's a psychic thing [brief laugh track]. (Jesse walks toward his room as the adults continue their conversation)
Tracy: Valentine's Day isn't until 13 days. So until then, we're going to do something else.
Zoey: Yeah, I'll pass. While I stay with Jesse, y'all can go out and have a wonderful new month.
Nigel: Ooh, Logan, I know a perfect hangout spot we can go to, just around the corner. It's called Lovely Place. It's a restaurant.
Tracy: We're going to have a drama-free time there. That way, you're both in the mood and still very focused.
Logan: (dryly) Fine, I'll drop everything I'm doing and come along. What's the craziest that could happen?
Zoey: (sharply faces the cameras) OK, time out! [brief laugh track] Why do we never follow the one rule of sitcoms? Never ask an ironic question that starts with "What's the worst... that could happen?" Something worst ALWAYS happens [laugh track].
Logan: (he also faces the camera, searching for whoever Zoey is talking to) Seriously, who are you talking to? [another laugh track]
Zoey: (she simply rolls her eyes) Amateur. (She stands up and leaves) [brief laugh track]...

About 20 minutes later, Tracy, Nigel, and Logan are at Lovely Place. They are waiting for the food they just ordered.
Logan: You know I gotta say, I really appreciate you guys for taking me for actual dinner. Let's be honest. The lasagna they served on set last week was awful.
Nigel: Logan, we weren't supposed to eat it. It was just a pasty fake.
Logan: Wait, what?! [laugh track]
Tracy: Anyway, nothing could go wrong. (As soon as she finishes talking, a couple approach their table. It turns out Neil and Julia are on a date. The two smirk at both Logan and Tracy, who glare at their rivals).
Neil: (sneers) Well, if it isn't hooligan and his sassy babysitter? (glances at Nigel) And their third wheeler?
Julia: (scoffs) Please, even if I were a babysitter, I wouldn't be caught dead in that hideous blouse. (pauses) Also, why would you say, "Nothing could go wrong?" It's against the rules.
Neil/Julia: (they turn to the camera) Amateurs [brief laugh track].
Logan: Seriously, who are you talking to?
Neil: You wouldn't understand. Your brain's already too damaged to see them.
Tracy: (sassily) And hey, Julia. Is that even your name? I mean, you sound like you ripped off the name from Juliet to try and get Romeo. News flash, your drama was a complete waste of his time [laugh track].
Julia: Jokes on you, I have my Romeo right here. (leans on Neil's shoulder) We've been together for a year now.
Logan: (scoffs) You had every other option, and you chose that? It's obvious your standards dropped since your days as Juliet [laugh track].
Nigel: (confused) I'm lost. Am I missing something here?
Tracy: Oh, you missed a lot!
Neil: Yeah, a lot. (sneers at Logan) And how about your little psychopath with the green eyes?
Nigel: Jesse doesn't have green eyes?
Tracy: It's quite complicated.
Logan: (irritated) Keep Jesse's name out of your mouth. You turned him into a psychopath. And better a psychopath than a sociopath who always settles for less [gasp track]. (Neil and Julia exchange worried glasses. The teacher is obviously upset with the moron who just insulted his student) You both really deserve each other.
Neil: (concerned about Logan's rising anger) I didn't mean it like that. Your kid's great. Thanks to me -
Logan: (cuts in) Thanks to you, my kid gets frozen at least once in a day. (stands up) And thanks to you, I have to lie to everyone he can see the future - which is (air quotes) "crazy talk" for I'm mental. (Both Tracy and Nigel notice everyone staring at the three. They try to hold back Logan before he explodes)
Julia: Logan, there's no need to be upset. Neil made a mistake.
Logan: (faces Julia) Just like Tracy made a mistake with your concert ticket, and you decided to humiliate her in front of the entire diner. But no, you had to be the entitled one and not hear her out. (to Neil) Back to you, an entitled, bratty, racist sociopath who always made my life a living hell. You never checked up once to care about a 5 year old whose life you ruined. You are the greatest f* -
Nigel: (pats Logan's shoulder) OK, let's not finish that sentence or fists will be thrown [laugh track].
Neil: Logan, I didn't -
Julia: Tracy, if you felt that way, you should've said so.
Tracy: No, there's no need. No wonder Romeo left you. (turns to the guys) Seriously though, her last ex is named Romeo [brief laugh track].
Nigel: (faces camera) And here I was thinking they were shaking the table with speares [laugh track].
Logan: (stares at Nigel for a while) I'm not even gonna ask. Let's just leave this place. Good thing the table is already destroyed (Logan and Nigel leave first, while Tracy takes the plate of ribs they just ordered with her).
Neil: (to Julia, who shakes her head) Every time? [brief laugh track]...

Zoey and Trevor are watching TV with Jesse sitting in between them in the living room. Logan walks in with Tracy and Nigel. He's still upset, but not as much as before.
Trevor: Hey, you're back.
Jesse: (turns to Logan) Welcome back, Mr Liam. You got anything for your big guy? [brief laugh track]
Tracy: Nope, Neil annoyed the crap about your teenage dad over here. (quickly faces Logan) And before you throw roasts at me, I meant it with affection - the good kind. I'm seeing someone else.
Nigel: Tracy, I already told you. We're not dating.
Tracy: (scoffs) Stop making everything about you, Angel [laugh track].
Nigel: It's Nigel.
Zoey: Hold up, Neil was at the Lovely Place?
Nigel: Yeah. As a result, facts were spilled. Not the good kind.
Jesse: (stands up) Alright, big guy. Want me to fight him off? I'm the knight person for this job (He pretends to punch the air. Everyone raises their eyebrows at the drama Jesse just displayed). [brief laugh track] That's what he says when I tell him someone annoyed me.
Nigel: No wonder that teenage guy kept running off when we passed several times today [laugh track].
Tracy: Yep, that's your kid [another laugh track].
Logan: (smiles) And I wouldn't trace this kid for another. (Jesse hugs Logan. Everyone is happy at the "reunion," especially Trevor, who's crying joyfully) [brief laugh track]
Trevor: Such a wonderful moment (damps his tears with Zoey's face towel).
Zoey: Hey, I've been searching for that for a week now!
Trevor: (a bit dry-eyed) But there's love in sharing.
Zoey: Give me that! [brief laugh track]. (She grabs the towel. She stands up) I need to wash this quickly, just in case [another laugh track].
Logan: How about we go out this weekend? (shrugs) As the close friends that we are?
Nigel: But who'll watch Jesse and Kelsea? I'm bringing her over here for the weekend.
Tracy: Oh, they can come along. We'll have the best weekend ever. (Everyone agrees in unison. She quickly glances at Logan) Even though you're so weird and all, it's good having you around.
Logan: (sharply faces the camera) Now, that is a compliment that me like so much (winks at the camera). Oh, look, I see them now (he smiles) [laugh track]
Trevor: (stares at Logan curiously) Who are you talking to?
Everyone: (they shake their heads before facing Trevor in unison) Weirdo. [laugh track] (They all leave the room, Tracy and Nigel leave the house, Logan goes to his room, while Zoey and Jesse enter the kitchen. Trevor remains confused at what just happened).
Trevor: (visibly confused) Weirdo? (pauses as he stares at the camera in further worry and confusion) Who am I? [final laugh track as the scene ends].