Logan's Version

Logan's Version 2 (scene 9) - Mikey Returns?

Logan is busy on his laptop in the dining room. At the same time, he has a couple of scripts that he seems to be working on. Meanwhile, Jesse and Drea are playing video games in the living room and yelling about it.
Logan: Would y'all keep it down? I'm trying to write some scripts.
Jesse: I thought Mr Director asked you to type them down.
Logan: (sassily) That's the same thing, Carmichael [laugh track].
Drea: (turns to Jesse with a smirk on her face) Guess what, Jesse? I'm going to play so hard that I'll shut you down.
Jesse: (sneers) Too bad I can see things before you do. And guess what? I see you tumbling down, fair loser! [laugh track] (Badly enough for Logan, the sounds coming from the game are too noisy. He's unable to concentrate, so he snaps).
Logan: (upset) I'm serious, you two. Lower the tone, or y'all gonna get grounded. (Drea lowers the tone of the TV using the remote. Just as she sits down, someone's phone rings. The kids freeze in fear, and Logan slowly drops the laptop. He faces the two) [laugh track].
Logan: (exhales before asking calmly) I made myself clear when I said, "Lower it."
Drea: (still frozen) Yes.
Logan: So whose phone is it?
Jesse: (whispers to Drea) He's talking calmly. Let me handle this. (He turns to Logan) It was Drea's phone (the phone rings again).
Drea: (snaps) Child, I'm 10 years old. I know how to handle my phone.
Jesse: Who are you calling "child"? We're almost the same age.
Drea: Well, almost is never enough [laugh track].
Logan: Again, I ask. Whose phone is that? (No one answers him. Logan shrugs and stands up) Fine, I guess we'll do it this way. (He walks toward the centre table in the living room and picks up the phone) Hello, this is Logan speaking (he returns back to the dining table) [brief laugh track]. (Drea and Jesse open their mouths in complete shock) [laugh track]
Jesse: It was Liam's phone?! (heaves a sigh) What a relief! [laugh track]
Drea: Right. For a brief moment, I thought that was someone else's phone. (Tracy suddenly walks in from the kitchen, holding a plate of apple pie)
Tracy: Man, I was so hungry. I just had to have these. (turns to Jesse) Logan's kid, if your aunt asks, tell her you don't know who used the flour.
Zoey: (offscreen) I HEARD THAT!! [Laugh track].
Logan: (turns to Tracy) Hey, Tracy. You left your phone on the table. Some guy named Kyle wouldn't stop talking and calling me by your name, even when I told him not to. (He hands the phone to her).
Tracy: It's not Kyle's fault. You kinda have a high-pitched voice.
Logan: (with an actual high-pitched screech) No, I don't [laugh track].
Drea: (grins) Ah! I see it now. It truly was someone else's [brief laugh track].
Jesse: (agrees with Drea) You see that now. (grabs the joystick and hits some buttons) But you don't see this! (A sound like a winner's cheer is heard) And I WON! BAM!! (He raises his hands in victory while Drea groans).
Drea: Not fair, Jesse. (The doorbell rings).
Jesse: (he stands to open the door, and to his greatest surprise, he sees Mikey at the doorstep). [Applause track] Mikey?
Logan: (drops the script on the table) Dang, Jesse! Can you not annoy me today? I was in a perfect mood [laugh track]
Tracy: Logan, don't lie to yourself. Your mood swings aren't perfect.
Logan: (walks to the living room and sees Mikey) Michael? (rolls hs eyes and asks rhetorically) And you guys just had to use the applause track! He deserves the gasp track. What is wrong with all of you?! [laugh track]
Tracy: (pats Logan on the back repeatedly) OK, someone's in a mood. Talk to me, Channing [brief laugh track].
Zoey: (enters the living room, looking for something in her purse) I heard Logan being cranky, and I'm so grateful it's not about Helen [brief laugh track]. (She turns to the door and sees Mikey) [gasp track] Mikey?
Logan: Finally, a gasp track. That's what he deserves! [laugh track] And I deserve the laugh one.
Mikey: (confused, but still grinning) Why do I deserve that? And why's everyone staring at me like that? Can I come in?
Logan: (sassily) You can't. Do you know why? Because pretending we don't exist anymore is a can't do attitude that we CAN not tolerate.
Zoey: Logan, cool it down. You're going way more than extra with this.
Logan: Oh, you haven't seen extra, sis. When you see it, you'll know.
Zoey: Whatever. Mikey, come in. (She closes the door as Mikey walks in. Jesse returns to the couch). I'm so sorry about Logan. He's just doing his thing, you know that.
Tracy: The Logan thing. Everyone knows that, honey [brief laugh track].
Jesse: (quickly realizes something. He turns to both Tracy and Logan) If Mikey's here, then you have to make sure Trevor doesn't show up here. It will be a disaster.
Tracy: Then, we better call him.
Logan: Trevor has serious beef with Mikey now. Who knew best friends could become enemies in a couple of years?
Jesse: I'm so grateful Anne still checks up on us once in a while, even though she styles for Zendaya now. (smiles smugly) Especially on me, because she always says -
Logan: (cuts in) Yes, I know. I'm the one who ruined your life [laugh track].
Tracy: Even though Anne's right, I'm so relieved Logan ruined his kid's life for the best [laugh track].
Jesse: Just quickly call him up.
Logan: Hold up, let me do that quickly (he brings out his phone and quickly dials Trevor's number. After some time, Trevor picks the call)
Hey, Trev. Quick question. Can you visit us in a week and not today? (Tracy nudges him, while Jesse glares at him) [laugh track].
Jesse: (whisper shouts) Mr Liam, what are you doing?! Now, he's going to want to come!
Tracy: (responds to Jesse) Would you just let him do the Logan thing? [laugh track]
Logan: (on phone) Oh, no. There's nothing wrong. (pause) Sure. (another pause) You know what? That's so cool, bye. (He hangs up) Trevor is not NOT coming.
Tracy: Logan, what did you do?
Logan: Just let me do my do thing first!
Tracy: Move your waist like a hula hoop in the club last week? [brief laugh track]
Logan: No, Tracy. I just have to do the Logan thing, which always works. Just keep Zoey and Mikey distracted. Whatever happens, Mikey can not stay here for longer than today.
Zoey: (walks toward the three) Guess what? Mikey will be here all through the month until Christmas is over.
Mikey: Great, right? (Jesse, Tracy, and Logan stare at Zoey and Mikey) [laugh track]
Logan: Yeah, the same way he decided his friendship with all of us was over [brief laugh track]. (He quickly leaves the house as Zoey proceeds to make Mikey feel at home)
Zoey: Feel at home, Mikey. Tell us everything that has been happening with the band.
Mikey: With "2 broke boys" doing amazingly well, topping the charts and touring around the world is the least best thing. We even have a food special in England called "Hot Broke Buns." (smiles) It turns out that even the broke can afford it [laugh track].
Zoey: That is so funny, yet delightfully amazing.
Tracy: (scoffs) Yeah, so much for a tour.
Mikey: I also told your favourite crush, Nigel, about giving you something of his. (brings out something from his messenger bag) And I got this T-shirt with his autograph on it.
Tracy: (excitedly grabs the shirt) Wow, that is so much for a tour! [brief laugh track] My aunt would always say that a tour around town was too much for her night business back when she was young, stupid, and broke [laugh track].
Jesse: Now, I feel young and woke listening to that - the wrong kind of woke [brief laugh track].
(Meanwhile, Logan is trying to stop Trevor from entering the house at the front door).
Logan: You know? I fancy your brown curls. They make your eyes pop. #glowbrown!
Trevor: That's the wokest version of a glowdown I've ever heard [laugh track]. What's going on? You're doing the Logan thing.
Logan: I'm doing the Logan thing in a way that benefits you. So don't enter my house or I'll be the one benefitting instead.
Trevor: I don't always benefit anything from you. Except that I'm dating your sister.
Logan: (genuinely upset) You asked for it. (He opens the door and pushes Trevor in, right before walking in as well. Trevor falls on the floor; the others are horrified at what Logan has done) [laugh track]
Tracy: What did you do? You were supposed to distract him.
Logan: The disrespectful psychopath got too proud, so he had to fall to get his senses back [laugh track]. (Trevor stands up. Just as he is about to talk to Logan, he notices Mikey and frowns).
Trevor: Mikey? (frowns) Great, the one time the Logan thing is supposed to help me out, I do not listen. (turns to Logan) Is this what it's like to be you? [laugh track] (Logan rolls his eyes).
Mikey: What's up, Trevor?
Trevor: You want to know what's up? The clouds. Because that's where you're going for being the bratty narcissist that you are. And you are actually so shameless to pretend we're cool when all you do is actually talk to everyone else and snub the one person who helped you out.
Zoey: (whispers to Tracy) I got the contract for him, but sure, it's his moment [brief laugh track].
Mikey: (stands up) Trevor, I'm sorry for how you feel, and I didn't mean it. You're like a brother to me, which is why. (He pauses as he brings out some papers) I got you an acting job deal with Tom Holland. I know it's been your dream job to work with him, so I did it. Cool, right? (Trevor stares at the papers for a while before tearing them to pieces.
Logan: No! Not Spiderman! [brief laugh track]
Zoey: He means Tom Holland, the director.
Jesse: Spider from the future? (Zoey and Logan stare at him).
Tracy: He's 5, he wasn't born then [laugh track].
Trevor: (facing Mikey) Giving me this won't fix anything. It's just to satisfy your ego (he throws the torn papers and walks away from him)
Zoey: Trevor? (She tries to stop him, but Trevor is already upset as it is)
Trevor: I want to pretend you didn't show up here. And you pretend you didn't see me. You can write a song about it when you return, ayy?(Trevor leaves and slams the door behind him. Zoey turns to Logan, Tracy, and Jesse).
Jesse: (to Logan and Tracy) No, it happened as I saw it. The holidays are officially screwed.
Tracy: (groans) Great. The one time the Logan thing would've actually benefitted us.
Zoey: Why did we not listen? That's Logan's other thing [brief laugh track].
Logan: Seriously, what is wrong with all of you? (calmly) We have to look for a way to fix Mikey and Trevor's friendship. He didn't even want to accept his dream job because of a disrespectful mistake.
Jesse: What do we do?
Zoey: Mikey will be around for the holidays; we'll think of something soon. (turns to Mikey) For now, feel at home.
Mikey: Sure. (He drops his bags and walks to the dining table, grabbing Logan's cheeseburgers. Both Jesse and the Hilson siblings glare at him, but Mikey becomes defensive) You said I should feel at home. That's enough proof that I always understand instructions [laugh track].
(The others shake their heads and leave Mikey to deceive himself, as the scene ends).