Logan's Version

Logan's Version 2 (scene 16) - Favourite Pest

Zoey and Logan are in the kitchen, arranging the dishes. They look well-dressed for a function.
Zoey: A few more minutes, and we'll be on our way to the movie premiere. Did you leave the red plate in the living room?
Logan: Yeah, I forgot about it. (calls out) Can one of you get that red plate on the table?
(The camera focuses on the kids, Jesse, Drea, Danny, Kelsea, and Alfred sitting calmly in the living room. Unexpected silence follows. Suspenseful music plays in the background. The kids look at one another, though the camera mostly focuses on the eyes of Kelsea, Drea, Jesse, Alfred, and Danny, respectively. At the speed of light, all five rush from the couch to the centre table. Danny gets the plate, but Drea quickly whacks it out of his hand, causing him to yelp in pain. Kelsea puts her foot in front, so Drea trips and falls; the plate flies out of her hands and into Jesse's. His nervousness gets the better of him, and it slips out of his sweaty palms to the floor. Now, all 5 are glaring at the plate and once again at one another...)
Logan: What is keeping these kids? (The next thing Logan and Zoey hear is...)
Danny: WHAZZA!!! [Danny's battle cry] (All five jump and scuffle over the plate, arguing at the same time).
Logan/Zoey: (to each other) Oh, no! (They rush out of the kitchen only to find all of them seated peacefully, while Jesse hands the plate over to Logan).
Jesse: Sorry for taking so long over who would give you the plate, Mr Logan. (He smiles creepily) [laugh track]. (However, neither siblings can believe their ears)
Logan: Did you just call me "Logan"?
Jesse: (confused) But that's your name.
Logan: Which you "forgot" until today [brief laugh track].
Zoey: Were you all fighting again?
Drea: That is not true. Why would you say that?
Zoey: Watch this. (to Danny) Danny, did the five of you fight over the plate?
Danny: (breathing heavily as he tries not to say what would implicate everyone. But he snaps and says) Danny tried so hard to get the plate, but Drea pushed Danny down. Me don't like the whole issue.
The others: DANIEL!!
Danny: I'm sorry, but Danny has to come clean.
Logan: And that proves her point. Danny still speaks in the third person or rather with "me" instead of "I" when he is fresh off a fight.
Zoey: The question on everyone's minds right now is, why do you all always fight?
Alfred: (raises his eyebrow) No one's thinking that [laugh track].
Zoey: Y'all need to learn to work together and put whatever ugliness caused this aside.
Kelsea: Aren't we supposed to mention the actual ugliness aside before telling us to keep the ugliness aside?
Drea: No, Kelsea. We're not. We simply let everyone figure it out as they read or watch (winks at the camera) [brief laugh track].
Alfred: (rolls eyes) Seriously, Drea. Breaking the fourth wall was so three scenes ago [laugh track]
Logan: If y'all don't put aside your differences soon, then I'm sorry, we're not getting that special bucket of ice cream sundae that Lovely Place is giving out this Saturday. I see that's the reason y'all won't stop fighting (Danny raises his hand).
Zoey: And no, you can't tell Tracy about it to avoid what happened the last time. Good thing the special isn't on an actual Sunday [laugh track].
Danny: Man, I was looking forward to Trevor singing like Harry again.
Logan: (confused) That wasn't Harry?! [brief laugh track]
Kelsea: Finally, a reference to Denver's Harry.
Alfred: Again, can we stop breaking the fourth walls? [laugh track]
Jesse: How about you shut your mouth walls?
Drea: Funny how you never ask about your cousin after last time, brick wall.
Logan: OK, I've had enough. Zoey, we have to go now. I cannot stand these kids.
Zoey: Good thing, Tracy found time outside her busy schedule to come watch these children.
Logan: Zoey, I know she's your friend and your manager. But as your manager, you need to learn how to be honest with your friend [laugh track]. (Soon enough, Tracy and Nigel walk into through the door).
Tracy: (to Logan) Hey, Channing. And Zoey, you know I'll always find time out of my busy schedule.
Logan: (points at Nigel) You mean your busy schedule on how to flirt with Pretty Boy over there? [laugh track]
Nigel: (smirks) I mean, them face don't lie.
Tracy: Don't forget the hips too [brief laugh track].
Everyone else: Gross! [laugh track] (Nigel, Logan, and Zoey leave Tracy behind with the children).
Jesse: I'm going to be the one to get that special ice cream sundae.
Drea: You're Logan's favourite. You don't count [laugh track].
Alfred: But that is only if we work together and put our differences aside.
Danny: Hold up. (stands up) This will sound insane but the least important character in every TV show comes up with a cunning plan to rule everyone else in the one prank episode where no one gets along. But for some reason, everyone else is oblivious to it.
Alfred: (scoffs) Why would you think that? The only reason I say we should work together is so that Tracy doesn't get it before us.
Kelsea: (ponders) That makes perfect sense.
Danny: You mean, my theory?
Kelsea: No, dimmy [brief laugh track]. I mean, Alfred's idea. All we have to do is be nice to one another and BAM! We all get to share the sundae special. (Everyone nods in agreement).
Tracy: (calls out from the kitchen) Hey, you guys! And Logan's kid! Lunch's ready.
Jesse: Why was I called separately?
Drea: Like I said, you don't count [laugh track]. (As Drea, Jesse, and Kelsea go to answer Tracy in the kitchen, Alfred stops Danny in his tracks and gives him a cold glare)
Alfred: (irritated) When did you get so smart, bird brain?
Danny: Since I started watching better television [laugh track]. What are you up to?
Alfred: You don't need to know. You don't bother me, and I don't bother you. It's a two-way thing, so beat it, loser!
Danny: (rolls his eyes) And you just proved my point. You sound exactly like Tracy whenever she hears about the sundae special. And for some reason, Tracy isn't bothered about it - for now.
Alfred: I know my sister better than you do. So everything you're saying now is balderdash. And like I said, watch your back (he scoffs and walks to the kitchen).
Danny: You don't even know what balderdash means [laugh track]...