Logan's Version

LV 3 [a lockdown comedy] (scene 16) - Host-ile situation

Danny, Jesse, and Kelsea are at the dining table.
Danny: So, nothing new has exactly happened in the past 6 months aside from the slightly unsuccessful Reel-A-Tables Show?
Jesse/Kelsea: True.
Jesse: That's the summary of the whole story up until today, the 1st of September 2020. Day 180 of the lockdown era [laugh track]
Kelsea: Nigel's been stuck on set for the past month. And I know I don't admit it, but I hope he's safe.
Danny: (smiles) It's amazing that you miss your cousin a lot. That's cool.
Kelsea: I was going to say mostly his house, but we can agree to that too. This place is boring [laugh track]
Danny: Now that I'm here, we're going to do something awesome.
Kelsea: This sounds crazy coming from someone as majestic as I am, but let's do what Danny says
Jesse: And this is coming from someone who knew him longer. You both are already crazy [brief laugh track]
Kelsea: Oh, relax, son of Killjoy and Kill Billy [another laugh track]. I'm bored every day here, and the Reel-A-Tables is not much of a reason to hang out with you. Let's just do whatever Danny suggests.
Jesse: Whatever he says. As long as it does not involve destroying the house, Logan, Tracy, and Camillo are doing another TV shoot. Unless only one of them shows up and you have no choice but to stop this madness, but sure that'll be the definition of a bummer in Danny's dictionary [laugh track]
Danny: Chill, Jesse Vamp! If anyone shows up, you'll be the new definition of a bummer.
Jesse: (annoyed by Danny's nonchalant attitude) Way ahead of you, Daniel. (He picks up the phone, but Kelsea and Danny quickly stop him)
Kelsea/Danny: Woah! No! Hold it! [laugh track]
Danny: Wow, you a feisty one, Carmichael! It was just a joke.
Jesse: (rolls his eyes) It better be! I'm in my room. (Jesse leaves the two alone and heads back to his room. As soon as Jesse has gone, Danny smiles widely at Kelsea)
Danny: So, Kelsea? We finally get the chance to hang out as more than just friends.
Kelsea: And Jesse doesn't suspect a thing.
Jesse: (suddenly behind them) That you like him and he likes you? I'm not that stupid, and I don't trust your stupidity either [laugh track]
Danny: So you admit you can be stupid? (The doorbell rings. Jesse opens the door. Tracy, Camillo, and a very exhausted Logan are arguing at the door)
Logan: (clearly irritated) You're both supposed to be my managers, but for some reason, you've made me more exhausted than parents trying to have a bunch of children [brief laugh track]
Camillo: Logan, for the billionth time, we almost ruined your interview. ALMOST! There's an emphasis on the word "almost" [laugh track]. (Jesse closes the door as soon as they're inside, and he joins a baffled Danny and Kelsea on the couch to watch the ongoing drama)
Tracy: There's also an emphasis on the word "NOT" when I kept telling you NOT to work with Logan when I'm around.
Logan: (yells) WOULD YOU PLEASE STOP?! This is too much, even for me!
Jesse: Oh, we know that [laugh track]
Logan: How did Zoey even handle two managers? And how did I inherit the wrong one in this situation?
Tracy: (hesitantly folds her arms and shrugs) Camillo, he means you [another laugh track]
Danny: (smiles mischievously at Jesse and Kelsea) Now I know what we can do to solve this situation
Kelsea/Jesse: Oh, no...

About 20 minutes later...
Danny: (wearing a suit, using the TV remote as a microphone, and standing in front of a 4 feet tall podium that came from nowhere. He starts to announce in a similar fashion to a game show host) Welcome to THE GAME SHOW: LOGAN'S VERSION!! [Applause track] (Logan, Jesse, and Kelsea happen to be sitting in the spectacle seats. Danny stands in between Tracy and Camillo, who are by their own podiums)
Kelsea: How did my life come to this?
Jesse: (shrugs) I asked the same thing when I became friends with Danny in kindergarten, but nothing surprises me anymore [brief laugh track]
Logan: Wait! The game show is about me. Why am I not the host?
Danny: Because I'm Danny, and Danny gets what he wants!
Camillo: No, he doesn't
Danny: (announces) And Camillo has officially lost 3 points [brief laugh track]. (Camillo rolls his eyes. Danny holds up several flash cards and starts asking questions) Alright, only one round! And whoever answers first and correctly gets 5 points on the board. At the end of the day, the total will determine who gets to be Logan's manager (He points to a whiteboard that Nigel is standing close to. He has a black marker in his right hand as he seems to have not gotten over the sudden game show hosted by Danny)
Nigel: How did I even get here? [laugh track]
Danny: First question. What is Logan's birth date? (Tracy hits the "buzzer" immediately)
Tracy: 10th January, 1995! And I'm turning 28 on the 28th of October. (smiles at Nigel) For those who might forget again
Nigel: You forget your girl's birthday one time and never hear the end of it [laugh track]
Danny: Tracy is correct! 5 points to her! (Nigel writes down 5 under Tracy's table on the board as Logan, Kelsea, and Jesse applaud her)
Logan: I'm surprised you know my birthday.
Tracy: So do I. It's your fault we hang out a lot [laugh track]
Danny: Next question! What's the one of 5 things that Logan is terrified of?
Camillo: (hits the "buzzer") Heights! (to Logan) Just so we're clear, as your manager, I'll make sure no creep takes you to extremely high buildings except myself. (Logan, Jesse, Nigel, Kelsea, and Tracy widen their eyes, terrified at his statement) [brief laugh track]
Tracy: I'm not Logan, but your knowledge of his fears just added to my fears [another laugh track]
Danny: (surprised) Either way, Camillo gets 5 points for some reason
Camillo: And that reason is that I'm correct. (to Nigel) Put 5 points on my side of the board!
Nigel: (confused, he whispers to Danny) Didn't you already remove 3 points?
Danny: (whisper-shouts) Nigel, write 5. I've found someone as scary as myself, and I don't like it [brief laugh track]...
(Danny continues to ask questions in a montage-like style. They continue to answer equally, getting about 30 points each. At some point, Camillo and Tracy get into a crazy cat fight over one of Danny's flashcards, leading to Logan and Nigel rushing to separate them) [continuous laugh track]. (After everything, the scoreboard shows an equal score of 50 on each side. Camillo and Tracy look rough, with dishevelled hair and heavy breathing. Logan, on the other hand, looks like he's about to explode amidst the ongoing madness)
Danny: Tracy, I can't believe I'm saying this, but you're more of Logan's fan than Logan's fan himself.
Tracy: (visibly furious) Daniel Potter, repeat that statement, and we'll not go to that bike gang amusement park when it finally reopens! [brief laugh track]
Danny: One more question, and the winner gets to be Logan's manager! The other person will be an emergency contact [laugh track]
Logan: (stands up immediately) Danny! Absolutely not! We can't take this anymore!
Nigel: (to Logan) Speak for yourself! I'm enjoying seeing Tracy in her villainous era, the deluxe version [laugh track].
Kelsea: Nigel, please, don't.
Logan: Camillo, Tracy, you can both be my managers! One after the other starting tomorrow, except on Sundays. You both can work together, if you want to!
Tracy/Camillo: (hug each other in excitement) WE WON!! [Applause track]
Camillo: (quickly releases himself) Hold up! 8 won more than you. A guy's best friend is his manager!
Tracy: No, it's his roommate and longtime friend, you dummy! You just met him last month!
Camillo: That doesn't always count, Morrison!
Jesse: Should we?
Logan: Definitely [laugh track]. (Logan, Danny, Jesse, Nigel, and Kelsea leave the two to continue arguing. Once again, Camillo and Tracy get into a slightly crazy cat fight as the scene ends) [final laugh track].