Logan's Version

LV 3 [a lockdown comedy] (scene 17) - A Taped Sketch

The scene opens with Danny playing video games with Rhiannon in the living room. Jesse walks in soon enough and is a bit surprised to see her.
Jesse: Rhiannon? What are you doing here?
Rhiannon: (to Jesse) Sup, Carmichael? Danny and I are playing video games while I await my superhero.
Danny: Rhiannon, we've been over this. Kelsea and I are in a very committed relationship.
Jesse: Danny, you're 12. You don't know what a relationship looks like [laugh track].
Rhiannon: And I don't mean you, Danny. I mean Mr Logan. (smirks) He's cute.
Danny/Jesse/Tracy: GROSS [laugh track]
Tracy: Jesse, are you ready?
Jesse: Yeah. (to Danny and Rhiannon) Tracy and I are going for an audition. And you know what they say, safety first. (He shows and wears his face mask)
Danny: Isn't that scary? (Everyone looks at Danny in surprise at his statement) [laugh track]
Tracy: Did you just say that something is scary?
Rhiannon: I've only seen you a few times. And even I know that you never used that word [laugh track]
Danny: I'm a human being. I'm not that crazy.
Tracy: Look, we know it's not safe, but it's important we go in person. It's like a one-man audition.
Tracy: See you all later. Rhiannon? Kelsea and Logan are around in case you need someone to bother, especially Logan [brief laugh track]. Danny's not worth it.
Rhiannon: Tell me about it [another laugh track]. (Tracy and Jesse leave the house. Danny and Rhiannon continue to play video games. Logan and Kelsea enter the living room from the kitchen and freeze when they see Danny and Rhiannon playing games. The two teens don't notice Logan and Kelsea coming in)
Logan/Kelsea: (almost inaudibly) Oh, no [brief laugh track]. (For some reason, Danny and Rhiannon sight the two and smile cheekily, scaring Logan and Kelsea further)
Logan: (whispers to Kelsea) You didn't tell me she's coming.
Kelsea: I didn't tell her to come here.
Logan: This is our problem. Fix it! (shudders in irritation) I can't have a 13 year old trying to run her fingers all over me. The last lady it happened to is still in jail for attempted murder [brief laugh track]
Kelsea: (confused) For trying to kill the guy?
Logan: (shrugs) No, she was framed by the guy who was trying to kill her. The 15 year old dimwit did have a lot of money, then
Kelsea: That makes sense. But we can't let Rhiannon do anything crazy. She's like Danny, but her brain glitch is worse [laugh track]
Rhiannon: (suddenly walks up to them) I couldn't help but overhear your conversation. (She smiles sheepishly) And dare I say, my brain glitch is soooo unintentional (she hugs his right arm)
Danny: Sweet Lord, make it stop [brief laugh track]
Logan: (shoots a sharp gaze at Kelsea and hisses) Do something! [another laugh track]
Kelsea: (pulls Rhiannon away from Logan) Rhiannon, as your enemy [brief laugh track], it's in our best of interests that we do not fight over Logan like we did with Hudson, the love of my life.
Danny: (scoffs) And she said I had a brain glitch [brief laugh track].
Rhiannon: Kelsea, I'm over Hudson now. (stares at a very uncomfortable Logan) And I've met the one for me
Kelsea: You can't fight over Logan. He's not worth it.
Logan: (defensive) Hey?! [brief laugh track]
Rhiannon: You're just being unreasonable.
Kelsea: (fuming) No, you are the crazy one! (The two ladies fight over Logan, who slowly loosens himself from Rhiannon's grip and shifts aside)
Danny: (tries to cut in) Ladies, it's my turn to steal him now! (He walks up to and drags Logan aside)
Logan: (relieved) Thanks, Danny. I knew you always had great ideas!
Danny: You're right, Mr Logan. I do have the best ideas! (turns to Rhiannon and Kelsea) We should do another crazy competition, and Logan himself is the prize! [brief laugh track]
Logan/Kelsea/Rhiannon: (surprised) Excuse me?!
Danny: We're going to make the show the best brainstorming show ever!
Rhiannon: (slightly annoyed) It's obvious the storm is causing the glitch in your brain.
Logan: (to Kelsea and Rhiannon) Ladies, we all know the one thing we can agree on. (He lifts the Danny up) Get the chair!
Danny: (protests in fear) NO! Not the timeout chair! Please, I'm sorry! [laugh track] (Kelsea and Rhiannon get a plastic chair and a bunch of skipping ropes as Logan sets Danny on the chair. Danny desperately tries to escape, but he is held back. Within seconds, his mouth is duct taped, and he is tied with the skipping ropes. Danny slightly chews on and spits out the duct tape) [another laugh track]
Danny: (annoyed) Where did you even get these? (The three are surprised at what Danny has just done)
Logan: And how are you even talking?! Kelsea put so much glue on that thing. (Kelsea raises the
Danny: (indignant) There's a reason my brain glitches! Don't you think I know that?! [brief laugh track]
Logan: (he seems to realize something) Right! You weren't always this crazy. And it started from the time I was teaching you.
Kelsea/Rhiannon: (interested) How?

[Flashback]
Back in the classroom, Logan is marking some of the kids' notes when Aloysius walks up to him.
Aloysius: (goes to Logan) Mr Logan, I have a business proposal with which you will be very interested (He smiles convincingly)
Logan: (looks left and right in surprise before facing Aloysius, who's still smiling) You're speaking clear English? Did you steal Oliver's green backpack again, thinking it had gold? [brief laugh track]
Aloysius: Don't blame me. He always wears green [brief laugh track]. I want you to help me teach Danny how to be in high spirits
Logan: (chuckles) Here we go with the high spirits thing again. The last time we did high pitch, Drea wouldn't let Ariana rest about it. (He whispers to Aloysius) Ariana still thinks I'm a stalker [brief laugh track]. Look Aloysius - (Aloysius clears his throat stylishly, William breathes in slowly) Aloy$ius [cha-ching!] I don't have time for any of your crazy shenanigans today
Aloysius: I'll pay you 100,000 pounds
William: (laughs) Aloy$ius, please don't kill me with laughter. Dollars from where?
Aloysius: (confidently) You know, I have a job. And I'm very well paid. (pleads with Logan who is starting to lose interest) Please?! Danny's too quiet, and he needs to learn how to be social. And you are the only one who can help him
Logan: (heaves a sigh) Fine, he's permitted to do fun activities that should not drive me crazy
Aloysius: (relieved) Oh, good, because he already spray painted the wall
Logan: He WHAT? (turns to the board, sees Danny by the side, spray painting a mouse on the wall, while wearing a face cap, a leather jacket, and slightly jeans) Danny, get down now! (Logan stands up)
Logan: (fiercely and with a mocking tone) Come and get me! [brief laugh track]. (He runs around the class for a while, with Logan trying to catch him and hold him down. The other kids are either watching the wild goose chase in confusion or eating popcorn) [laugh track]
Aloysius: (shrugs and smiles proudly to himself) Wow, I didn't know he's a fast learner too. I taught him well [laugh track as flashback ends]

[Present time]
(Logan, Kelsea, and Rhiannon are sitting on the couch, backing Danny, who's not revealed immediately)
Rhiannon: (laughing) Mr Logan, that's so funny. Who knew Danny was a wild one inside?
Danny: I did. (He's shown freely munching on a bag of chips. Somehow, he's freed himself from the ropes and sitting on the chair as though nothing happened) [brief laugh track]
Logan: You know, nothing about you surprises me anymore.
Danny: Cause I'm a teenager?
Logan: Correction, he's a teen with a glitch (the girls nod their heads in agreement while Danny continues to eat the chips right before the scene ends) [final laugh track].