Hate U to Love U (Chalk & Heartstrings Series #1)

40th

Chapter 40

Live life to the fullest that what many people say. Ako hindi ko alam kung ano iyan. Para akong isang munting kangkong, waterlily, o kung ano pa man na nagpapadala na lang sa alon. Hindi ko alam kung saan ang katapusan... hindi ko alam kung may patutunguhan.

When I was in senior high I chose the strand that my parents wanted me to take. As the youngest in the family it was hard for me to settle on the things I really wanted.

Parang lahat kasi planado na. Parang bawal akong lumiko sa kung ano ang nakatakda na.

Bunso kaya spoiled? Sa pera at bagay oo pero ibang-iba ang kalagayan ko.

Para akong may tali sa leeg at hindi makaalis.

Some people used to think that the youngest in the family can get what they want of course I can get what I want. I have money, and everything but freedom? I don't know what it is.

My mom was a principal. My dad is a professor in a college university. My older brother recently graduated with a bachelor of education major in science while my second brother is still taking up a bachelor of education major in English. Yes... they are all in the field of education.

Umalis na si kuya aa bahay to continue his journey. Magtitake ng LET then magmamaster kaagad para dire-diretso na raw. After magmasters ay doon na siya magtuturo sa college at mag-aaral ulit para magdoctorate.

He had a dreams. He has a plan. Hindi katulad ko na nasanay na lang na magpaagos sa alon.

I used to adore them when I was a kid. But when they told me to take up bachelor education and enrolled me in Humss strand all they took my freedom and happiness. I don't know what strand I will choose so they chose it for me.

I was closeted. I like both men and women. I used to think that there's something wrong with me but my parents made me feel that it was better to be a straight guy in front of everyone. Para lubayan nila ako kahit man lang sa ganoong usapan.

They have names. They have they're popularity. Ayaw nilang mabahiran iyon ng dumi.

My brother likes guys. That was he said. Umalis siya sa bahay at piniling magboard hanggang makatapos dahil iyon naman ang gusto ng parents namin. Nagtake siya ng LET hindi dahil sa gusto niya kundi para makaalis na ng bansa at doon maramdaman ang kalayaan sa pagiging siya.

Ibig sabihin lang noon talagang maiiwan na akong mag-isa sa bahay.

"Kuya Kleo, iiwan mo rin ba ako?" tanong ko ng bisitahin niya ako.

Lahat sila umaalis. Kitang-kita ko paano sa magulo at puno ng away at iilang moments namin ng pamilya ay unti-unting nawawala.

"Kir."

Ibig sabihin ako na lang mag-isa. Ako na lang ang bantay sarado. Ako na lang ang parating makikita sa bahay.

"Nakakasakal na dito sa bahay. Aalis sina Mommy ng maaga. Uuwi ng gabi. Kukumustahin ang pag-aaral ko at papagalitan kapag hindi maganda takbo ng grades ko. Aside doon wala na... hangin na lang ako. Mag-isa sa bahay, walang karamay."

"Nandiyan naman si Carsen. Sama ka na lang parati sa kaniya. Kapag may work na ako... ako bahala sa boarding house or condo or kahit anong gusto mo makaalis lang sa bahay. Promise iyan ni kuya."

Kahit nagkatrabaho sina kuya hindi ako nakaalis. Hindi ako hinayaan nila mommy. Naiwan akong mag-isa.

Dahil sa nangyayari sa pamilya ko mas lalong pinili ko na hindi iopen ang gender ko. Even the most closest person in my life doesn't know I am bisexual. Yes, Carsen didn't know it. She knows me as a guy as a male who likes a women. Bata pa lang kami magkasama na kami sa lahat ni Carsen. Same school since elementary. She became my best friend not just my cousin.