Before dawn | Dark romance

Chapter 61 - A thin veneer

May 28, 2024

Tuesday

Dear diary,

Let me tell you about my day.

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[1/4]

The days go by, and I spend my time either waiting for Luca or him commanding me to go out shopping or whatever, as long as I am spend money. His money.

I sit on the terrace, the gentle breeze ruffling my hair as I sip my tea and stare into the distance. The city sprawls out before me, a patchwork of rooftops and bustling streets, but my thoughts are elsewhere. I can't stop thinking about Luca, about the night we spent together just a few days ago.

That night had been intense and consuming, leaving me breathless and satisfied. Like sex is always with hum, but since then, I've barely seen him. Luca has been constantly out, caught up in work—or at least, that's what I assume, since he never really talks to me about things. I wonder what he really does all day while he's away. Or especially during the night, like he went MIA for no reason. When I asked him about it, he quickly distracted me with his skillful tongue, and now I can hit myself in the head for letting him distract me so easily. If he answer one of my questions, his explanations are always vague. I can't help but feel a lingering unease, a nagging doubt in the back of my mind.

The terrace is peaceful, the perfect place to gather my thoughts. My little sanctuary in the middle of the hectic of the city. Yet, I can't shake the feeling of emptiness, like something is missing. The days are lonely without him. My phone sits on the table beside me, silent and still. I check it obsessively, hoping for a message, a call, anything to bridge the distance that's grown between us.

I wrap my arms around myself, trying to hold on to the warmth from that night. His touch, his whispered promises—they felt so real then. But now, they seem like fading memories, slipping away with each day he spends away from me. I want to trust him, to believe in us, but doubt creeps in like an unwelcome guest.

"What is he hiding?" I whisper to the empty air, half expecting an answer that never comes.

The world feels muted, the colors dulled by my uncertainty. My mind drifts to the possibilities of what he could be doing, who he might be with. I shake my head, trying to banish the thoughts, but they cling stubbornly. I want to believe his work is demanding, that he's just caught up in it, but my imagination refuses to be quieted.

I pull my knees up to my chest and rest my chin on them, watching the horizon. The sun is burning brightly, lighting up the sky. I am probably burning, but I can't find the energy to get up. I'm too distracted by thoughts of Luca, by the constant questions swirling in my mind.

I need answers, I realize. I can't keep living in this limbo, torn between what I feel when he is with me and how I feel when I am all by myself. I want to trust Luca, to believe that his love for me is as real and strong as he says. But I came to the realization that I barely know the man at all, and somehow he managed to swoon me over completely, that I agreed to fly with him across the world, to a city where I do not know anybody, expect from his family and two friends.

I take a deep breath and make a decision. I'll talk to him tonight, face to face. I need to know what's going on, where we stand. I deserve that much. My heart aches with the weight of uncertainty, but I'm determined to find clarity, to understand what's really happening with Luca.

I grab my phone and unlock it, hesitating for a moment before I start typing. I know Luca is busy, and I don't want to bother him unnecessarily, but I feel like I should ask.