Before dawn | Dark romance

Chapter 74 - Beyond words

luca's pov 

"Maddie," I say, my voice rougher than I intend. "What the hell is going on?"

She looks up at me, her eyes soft but guarded, and I can tell she's struggling to find the right words. I've seen her like this before—thinking too much, overanalyzing, getting lost in her head—but this feels different. I feel it in my gut. She's holding something back.

"It's just..." She pauses, biting her lip. She's nervous, and that's not like her. Not with me. "I've been thinking... about us, what could happen if..."

"If what happens?" I repeat, trying to keep my voice even, but it comes out harsher than I want. "Maddie, you're on birth control. I thought we were on the same page"

She nods, but it's like she's a million miles away. "I know, Luca. But it's not a hundred percent. There's always a chance. And... I don't know, I just think we should start being more careful."

The words hit me sideways. Careful. There's that word again, like we're playing some kind of dangerous game we didn't know the rules to. I can feel my pulse pounding in my ears, frustration mixing with the worry that's slowly creeping in. There's something she's not saying, and it's driving me crazy.

"Maddie," I say, harsh this time. "Is there something you're not telling me? Are you...?" I can't even finish the sentence. My mind is running a thousand miles a minute, racing through all the scenarios—pregnancy. 

She shakes her head quickly, her hands reaching for mine, trying to close the gap between us. "No, Luca, I'm not pregnant. I just..." She hesitates, and that moment of silence feels like an eternity. "I talked to Brianna earlier. She's late, Luca. She hasn't told Dante but he doesn't even want to commit to her, and she's freaking out. It got me thinking... what if that happened to us?"

I let her words sink in, and suddenly it all makes sense. The look in her eyes earlier, the way she'd been quiet, distracted. I knew she was hiding something from me.. She'd been carrying this with her all day, letting it fester. But it's not just about Brianna. It's about us, about the future she's suddenly questioning.

"And you think I'd... what?" I ask, the edge in my voice sharper than I intend. "That I wouldn't want to commit to you anymore and leave your ass?"

She flinches at the bite in my words, but I can't help it. I'm pissed. I hate that she's scared, that she's doubting me. "It's not about you, Luca," she says quietly, her eyes pleading with me to understand. "It's just... what happened with Brianna threw me. I don't want to be in that position, wondering how you'd react, wondering what comes next."

Her honesty cuts deeper than any argument we've ever had. I get it now—this isn't just about protection; it's about fear. Fear of the unknown, fear of change, fear that maybe I'm not as all-in as I thought I was. And the worst part is, she's not wrong to worry. I've never been the guy to even commit to one woman before, let alone a child? Heck, I don't even know if I want children. 

I step closer, taking her face in my hands. "Maddie, look at me." She does, her eyes swimming with the conflict she's been trying so hard to hide. "I'm here. I'm not going anywhere. But you've got to start talking to me, baby. You cannot hold it against me that I never open up to you, when you shut me out as well." 

She nods, her hands wrapping around my wrists, grounding both of us. "I'm sorry," she whispers, her voice thick with emotion. "I just... I needed to say it."

Her words hang between us like a wall, invisible but solid, and I feel this tightness in my chest that I can't shake. She's scared—really scared—and it's not just about getting pregnant. It's about us, about what we mean to each other and what could go wrong. But there's this other part of me, this stubborn, fiercely protective part, that refuses to let fear dictate how we're going to be together.