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36

Meredith had continued to sleep in Derek's arms, cuddling closer as she woke up and realized what had happened

She sighed, today it's been 4 years since Finn had passed away

"Hey." Derek whispered once he noticed she was awake

"Hi." She whispered, her voice cracking. "Sorry for last night."

"It's okay." Derek stroke his fingers through her hair softly. He knew what day it was, he wasn't gonna push her at all

After a long but comfortable silence she decided to speak up

"I wanna go to Finn's grave.. But I think I need some time on my own.." Meredith quietly said

"Of course." Derek nodded. "I can watch Ellis if you'd like."

"Yeah, I think I need some time to.. think.." She muttered before moving a bit until they got disturbed by Ellis knocking on the door. "Yes?" Meredith said

"Mama? U gots to wakey wakey!" She giggled softly, her hair was messy and she clutched her stuffed bunny against her chest

"I'm awake, princess. I just gotta use the bathroom." Meredith told her daughter, sitting up and removing her night braces quite roughly

"Hey, let me." Derek frowned, helping her out carefully. He saw the huge bruise because of her pinching last night. He rubbed her skin softly and let her transfer

"I'll be there in a minute." She told Derek and Ellis

"Come on, do you want me to make you some pancakes?" Derek offered

"Up?" Ellis lifted her arms

"Of course." He nodded and picked her up, carrying her to the kitchen. "Mommy and I love pancakes."

"I know you two do, do I make your favorite?"

"Yes! Chocolate chip!" Ellis giggled

"Hey guys." Addison walked into the kitchen, already dressed up

"Auntie Addie!" Ellis giggled and wiggled herself out of Derek's arms to go give her aunt a hug

"Hi monkey. You should go wake up uncle Mark so he can have breakfast with us." She giggled

"Uncle Mawk! Uncle Mawk!" The girl ran off, hurrying on the stairs

"How's Mer?" Addison asked right away. "I heard about her panic attack last night." She looked sad

"She seems so.. rough? She wasn't careful when removing her leg braces and had quite a bruise from pinching it last night." He explained

"Usually around this time she really hates to face her disability, even if she adapted so incredibly well." Addison sighed. "I caught her staring at herself last year. She looked so disgusted with herself, it broke my heart."

"I hope she realizes how pretty she is. I just love her so much." Derek sighed and started on the pancakes

After a while Meredith walked in, Addison spotted the bruise right away as she still wore her pj shorts, not finding the energy to face getting her limp lower body dressed yet

"I'm making pancakes, want some?" He smiled in her direction

"Chocolate chip pancakes, mommy!" Ellis giggled as she ran off the stairs, pulling at Mark's hand

"Yes please." Meredith nodded and went to her daughter, hugging her tightly as the girl had climbed her lap

"Luf mama." Ellis giggled

"I love you too, princess." Meredith closed her eyes and took a deep breath. Her heart had been aching so badly ever since she woke up

"About to be served, my ladies." Derek chuckled

"Dewek, you so silly!" Ellis giggled and stayed seated on her mom's lap

"Are you staying here?" Meredith asked, cutting up the pancakes

"Yes! Close to my mommy!" She giggled

"My sweet girl."

"Yummy Dewek!" Ellis said

"I'm glad you like it, sweetie." Derek smiled and watched Meredith eat in silence. He served pancakes for himself, Mark and Addie and they all digged in

"Luf you lots, mama." Ellis whispered

"I love you too, monkey." Meredith said

...

A few hours later Meredith was sitting in front of Finn's grave. She had been there for an hour already, she felt connected to him, almost as if she could feel him respond

She had been thinking about the accident, about Ellis, about her paralysis but also about her relationship with Derek

But she had been grateful for how good Derek took care of her and her daughter and being here now felt as if Finn would approve of their relationship

"I promise I'll never stop loving you and Ellis will always know who her dadda is." Meredith placed the flowers down after realizing she still had them on her lap

As Meredith wheeled off she saw a bird flying around her, oddly stopping in front of her. She stopped her a minute, smiled at it and wheeled around it. She remembered how Finn used to tell Ellis stories about all the animals in the clinic, preferably about birds as they were his favorite animals

She got in her car and started the drive home, feeling the need to be close around the people she loves

She arrived and got out of her car, wheeling inside the house, cursing a bit as she got annoyed with herself but as she arrived she saw Derek and Ellis half asleep on the couch

"Hi." Derek muttered, opening his heavy eyes

"Did she tire you out?" Meredith chuckled softly

"We jumped for an hour on her trampoline.. My knees are done." He groaned as he tried to move so Meredith could join them on the couch

"Dewek?" Ellis muttered

"Shh, go to bed, little one." He said softly and watched as the girls doze off again, soft snores leaving the little girl's mouth. "Just like her mommy."

"Hey!" Meredith laughed and got on the couch, cuddling into Ellis and Derek's sides

"Are you okay? Derek asked, stroking her back softly

"I am now." She nodded and closed her eyes as well, still tired from not sleeping much during the night