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19

Flashback

"Welcome home!" Meredith heard so many voices but was so emotional she barely saw anyone else except her daughter

"Mama! Home!" Ellis giggled and ran towards her, Mark lifted the girl into Meredith's lap

"We're glad you're home. Let me grab your bag." Addison walked up to her best friend, wiping a tear that slid down her cheek

"Mama! New bed!" Ellis giggled, her daughter was so bright

"Do you wanna explore the house or wait until everyone is gone?" Mark asked her

"We'll wait." Meredith said, almost scared to move

"Just tell me if you want everyone to leave. Let's go to the couch for a bit." Mark said but Meredith didn't move, eventually he pushed her next to the couch. "Do you wanna transfer?"

"No." Meredith shook her head and just hugged her daughter tight, staring ahead of her as this was extremely hard

End of flashback

"Mama, we gots to huwwy!" Ellis jumped up and down in front of her

"Slow down, bug. You know it takes some time." Meredith said as she undressed herself

She wore her bathing suit underneath her clothes as that's easier to get changed

"I'm ready. Let's go put our clothes away." Meredith said, collecting all their stuff and wheeling out

"Someone is very excited." Derek chuckled

"She is." Meredith nodded, still tired but glad her towel was wrapped around her, she was feeling cold

"Are we ready to go in?" Addison asked after Meredith put their stuff away

"Yes." Meredith nodded and they headed to the pool where Meredith left her wheelchair at the side to prevent it from getting soaked

"You'll have to help her a bit." Addison said quietly as Meredith was getting herself ready

"Derek? Would you mind-" Meredith muttered, removing her towel

"Of course not." He carefully lifted her up, hoping he wasn't hurting her and walked over to the pool where he carefully lowered her in the water

"Thanks." Meredith nodded

"Aunt Addie! We go pway!" Ellis giggled as she knew Addison hated swimming

"You two go swim, we'll be on the slides." Addison chuckled and took off

Meredith and Derek started swimming, he was surprised by how fast she was going

"I hope you didn't feel obligated to come?" Meredith said as she kept swimming

"Not at all, I like swimming. I like water in general." Derek smiled at her. "And I like spending time with you and Ellis."

Suddenly he realized what he had said and hoped he hadn't scared her away

"Derek.." Meredith stopped and floated

"I'm sorry, I didn't wanna sound weird." Derek apologized, for the first time he clearly saw the huge scar that ran down her spine

"How did you wanna make it sound then?" Meredith asked

"I don't know, Meredith. I don't know you that well but I like you, in a way that I haven't liked anyone before. I really enjoy being around you." Derek carefully said

"I- I'm sorry." Meredith said and started swimming

Derek let her on her own, he continued swimming but made sure to not push her and gave her space. He knew he messed up completely now but at least he had told her how he felt

Meredith kept swimming, she was out of breath but couldn't stop, she felt like she was getting sick so stopped at the side of the pool, panting for air as tears streamed down her cheeks

"Meredith-" Derek felt horrible for causing this

"There's Finn and Derek.. you don't need a paraplegic woman, you deserve so much more." Meredith panted

"That's how you see yourself? Meredith, I barely know you but you're so much more. And I'm sorry for throwing this at you.. But I really like you and I'd love to spend more time with you. I hope I didn't ruin the friendship we had." Derek came closer, worrying about her

"Derek-" Meredith teared up

"I'm really sorry." He placed his hand on her hand

Meredith leaned into him for a minute before pulling away again

"Do you wanna be alone? Or get out of the pool?" Derek asked her carefully

"I don't know." She admitted

She looked so lost, so exhausted and all he wanted to do was hug her but she clearly wouldn't accept that now

"I think I wanna get out and check on Ellis, sorry." She muttered

"It's fine, let me help." Derek said but wasn't really sure what would be the best way so he just tried to reverse it. He lifted her on the edge of the pool before he got out and carried her to her wheelchair, covering her with the towel

"Thanks." Meredith muttered and started wheeling to where Addison and Ellis were messing around with some water

"Mama!" Ellis giggled as she spotted her mom

"Hey monkey, are you enjoying?"

"Yes! Dewek, come pway!" She giggled loudly

"Do you wanna come as well?" Derek asked Meredith but she shook her head and unstrapped her legs

Meredith wrapped her towel tighter around her body and watched her daughter play while she thought about what had just happened

Flashback

Meredith wheeled through the house as everyone was gone. She had asked Addison and Mark to give her some time alone while Ellis was down for her nap

She gasped as she saw her new bedroom. Addison and Mark had done an amazing job but she barely recognized this house. She and Ellis shared a very large bathroom and everything had changed. They even made the kitchen accessible, even if Finn barely allowed her in the kitchen

But she could barely even realize this would be her home, even if Addison did an amazing job at decorating everything and using a lot of furniture from her previous house

"Sorry- I know you wanted a moment but I was scared you'd feel alone because you really aren't." Mark suddenly walked in after Addison's attempts to keep him in the kitchen

"Markie-" Meredith whimpered, curling up and starting to cry

"Oh Mer-" He walked over to hug her tightly. "I wish I could just say things will be okay.. But it'll get better. Ellis is so happy that you're home, she loves you so much."

"She's the only reason I wanna go on, Mark. I wish I died instead of Finn, I wish none of this ever happened." She kept crying in her friend's arms

Mark kept holding onto her, eventually lifting her up and placing her on the bed. He held her until she cried herself to sleep

"Is she asleep?" Addison entered, she had been waiting at the door

"She's not doing well, Addie.." Mark couldn't look away from Meredith, he was so worried about her