❝𝐈 𝐚𝐥𝐰𝐚𝐲𝐬 𝐬𝐞𝐞𝐦 𝐭𝐨 𝐛𝐞 𝐮𝐩 𝐭𝐨 𝐧𝐨 𝐠𝐨𝐨𝐝.❞
Jupiter Black has been isolated from the outside world her entire life up until the age of thirteen. During a duel with her mother, Jupiter tragically witnesses her death and flees from h...
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𝙲𝚑𝚊𝚙𝚝𝚎𝚛 14
THE THOUGHT OF DEATH HAS NEVER SATISFIED ME MORE THAN IT DOES AT THIS VERY MOMENT. I hadn't really thought of it before, taking my own life. I haven't attempted it, despite my years of abuse. I never tried it. I never even tried hurting myself before these past few months.
But I can tell that I'm slipping away, slipping away from the person I used to be. I can't get her back, I know that now. I know that it was useless to even try. You can't come back after you've stained your hands with blood, no matter how hard you try to wash them clean.
I can't pretend anymore that I'm a good person, because I'm not. I've been trying to say that I am because I'm on Dumbledore's side, but I've tainted my soul in a way that cannot be undone. I'm not a good person. I've killed people, countless people. And I've tortured even more over the years of living in that house.
And I know that I will hurt even more people than I have now.
The number will continue to grow, I will continue to harm and slaughter people. All for keeping up a draining act. The draining act of acting like a slave. I've been maintaining this act of being on the dark lord's side for months now and it is exhausting.
It's exhausting trying to keep their trust because it's slipping. It doesn't matter what I do to try and prove myself, the people I hurt to make myself seem worthy of their trust — I'm not trusted. Which is the scariest thing of all.
Theodora especially doesn't trust me. And I know that now. I've done nothing to make them doubt me but they do. Probably because of my undying desire to protect Harry. I've protected him countless of times and got myself injured the same amount just to keep him safe.
And that makes them question my loyalty because why would I join them after almost dying whilst trying to protect the boy I love?
Love.
Love is a terrifying thing.
It's like standing on the edge of a cliff, feeling the mixture of excitement and fear. The vulnerability which comes once you bare your soul to another in unmatched. The wind on that cliff is suffocating, the choices between staying and leaving are battling each other.
To stay is to danger him and to leave is to save him. But to leave is to hurt him all the same. But I've already left.
There is a beauty to love that can never be forgotten. It's like dancing on the edge of a storm, every emotion of yours is magnified because of that one person. Sparks fly with each touch, every glance makes your heart spike with anticipation.
Love is a risk, a leap into the unknown. An unknown feeling for which you risk your life for countless times because that feeling will never be replaced by anything you have ever felt.
And now, as I'm suffocated by the winds which hit my skin whilst I observe the dark water of the black lake, I contemplate whether my love will care about my passing. I know he won't, the hatred he feels for me will never disappear, even when I'm truly on his side.
He can never truly trust me, and if he cannot trust me then how could he possibly love me?
I expect all feelings of adoration towards me vanished the moment he saw my blood covered mark. I am not surprised if it has. I'd be more surprised if it hasn't. But I am a fool to believe that he will ever care for me now. When he's seen the true monster I am.
My eyes sting as wind blows into them and I keep my eyes on the water. My heart is tingling through me, adrenaline is burning in my veins. I'm anticipating what will happen next. I'm unsure for the first time in my life. I don't know what will happen to me next, but anything is better than living with the constant reminder of being a monster.
I take a step forward, a step off the mountain which overlooks the water and I'm falling. I'm falling fast — I can't stop. And I don't want to. My dark hair is a mess which spreads out around me. I've closed my eyes and a singular tear rolls down my cheek before it's washed away as I crash into the cold liquid.
The waves crash into me, pushing me into the dark depths, dragging me down into the depth. My head crashes against a piece of rock in the water and I can feel myself slip away from consciousness.
The water is harsh on my skin, it's pulling me under and I let it. My mind is swirling and I'm just floating in the water. My ears are ringing and I'm screaming internally.
Everything inside of me is wanting to breathe, but I don't. I don't deserve it. The sound of my erratic heart has overtaken my ears. My eyes are bulging and my throat is swelling but I continue to sink deeper into the water.
I can feel the liquid make its way inside of me, clouding its way into my lungs as a scalding hot iron rod wedges itself in my throat. I can see stars. I feel light, floating in this solitude. The pain is morphing away as I sink deeper into the water.
I'm not afraid to die, I'm glad that I will no longer burden anyone with my living. As I float downwards in the water, I feel something I haven't felt in months — peace.
