SEEKING 7 | boys of tommen

a l l o v e r

My mind was all over the place.

I had barely managed to get John to drop me home so my mam could take me to the hospital. I couldn't think straight, couldn't focus on anything else. I just had to make sure she was okay. I needed to see her, to know for myself that she was alright.

The whole car ride was suffocatingly silent. Even though the radio played softly in the background, it felt like it was just there to fill a void that nothing else could. I kept fidgeting with the sleeves of my hoodie, pulling at the cuffs, twisting the fabric between my fingers. Every so often, I'd glance over at my mam, hoping she'd say something—anything—to break the tension, but she was quiet, her face set in that same expression of worry that had been there since I told her what had happened.

I stared out the window, but nothing registered. The streets blurred by, and I didn't care. All I could think about was the hospital. Every passing second felt like hours. My chest tightened as a wave of anxiety washed over me, and I tried to steady my breathing. The uncertainty, the not knowing—it was driving me mad.

"What if... what if something's wrong?" I finally whispered, barely loud enough for her to hear. My voice cracked slightly, betraying the calm I was trying so hard to maintain.

Mam glanced at me, her hands gripping the steering wheel a bit tighter, but she didn't answer right away. Her silence only made it worse. I shifted in my seat, pulling my hoodie closer around me as if it could somehow shield me from the dread that was creeping in.

"We'll find out soon," she said at last, her voice soft but firm. "But we're not going to jump to conclusions, alright? We just need to get there."

I nodded, but the knot in my stomach refused to loosen. I didn't know how to do anything but jump to conclusions. The worst-case scenarios were playing on a loop in my head, each one more terrifying than the last.

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"We're here to see Aurora Lockheart—ah, she was rushed in about twenty minutes ago," I began, my voice shaking, barely holding it together. But as soon as the words left my mouth, I could feel it—my throat tightening, my breath catching. I couldn't finish. My mam gently stepped in, her voice calm and steady, taking over where I couldn't.

My mind was in overdrive, shutting out everything around us. The sterile smell of the hospital, the low murmur of nurses, the beeping machines—it all faded into a distant hum. I couldn't lose someone else. I just couldn't. Not again. The thought kept circling in my head like a dark cloud I couldn't escape. If something happened to her... I wouldn't be able to handle it.

Mam placed a hand on my shoulder, the warmth of her touch pulling me back to reality for a moment. She guided me gently towards a seating area in the waiting room, and I sat down, but it felt like my body was moving on autopilot, disconnected from everything.

"Why're we not going to her room? Where is she, what's wrong?" I asked, my voice rising with every word. Panic laced every syllable. I needed answers. I needed to see her, to know she was okay, to feel her hand in mine and know this nightmare wasn't real.

Mam sat beside me, her expression soft but firm. She turned to face me, and I could see the worry in her eyes too. She was trying to hold it together, for both of us, but I could see the cracks.

"Gerard, sweet," she said softly, reaching out to squeeze my hand. "Calm down, okay? We just need to breathe right now."

I shook my head, biting my lip to stop the tears that were threatening to spill. "But why can't we see her? What if—what if something's seriously wrong? Why won't they tell us anything?"

Mam's voice wavered slightly as she spoke again, though she tried to keep it steady. "We're not family, Gerard. Not legally, at least. They can't give us the details yet. We have to wait until someone from her family gets here... but they'll update us soon, okay?"

I leaned forward, resting my elbows on my knees, running my hands over my face. A waiting game. That's what she said. It felt like a slow, agonizing torture. Every minute that passed felt like a punch to the gut, and I couldn't stop the flood of terrible scenarios running through my head.

"I can't just wait, Mam," I muttered, my voice breaking again. "I need to know she's okay. What if she's not? What if—"

Mam placed her hand on my back, rubbing gentle circles, trying to soothe me. But I could hear the pain in her voice now too, that barely-contained fear she was trying to hide. "I know, love. I know. But we just have to hold on a little longer. She's in good hands here, okay? They're doing everything they can for her."

I nodded, but it didn't make the knot in my chest go away.