SEEKING 7 | boys of tommen

s t a y i n g

The following afternoon, I sat on the cold footpath, knees pulled close to my chest as I watched Sadhbh usher yet another Garda into the house. The chill of the pavement seeped through my jeans, grounding me, even as my mind drifted between the haze of last night and the uncertainty of today. I'd been waiting for hours, too afraid to leave, too desperate for any sign that he was okay.

The Garda I had spoken to last night had been in uniform, but this one wore plain clothes—pressed trousers, a dark jacket, and a weary expression. He didn't glance around, didn't hesitate as he followed Sadhbh inside, leaving me to wonder about his role. I assumed he must be the detective assigned to the case, someone who dealt with shadows and secrets. Yet, I wasn't allowed to cross the street to ask, much less to be inside where I felt I needed to be.

"Detective Inspector Darcy," a voice beside me said, pulling me out of my thoughts. Shannon had appeared at my side, handing me a mug of hot chocolate, steam swirling above the surface. She settled onto the footpath next to me, her own mug cradled between her hands. "Remember when he worked on our case?" She blew on her drink, her gaze distant, tracing the memories of whatever trauma we'd shared in the past. "He's one of the few I actually liked. He's... thorough."

I took a sip, the warmth of the hot chocolate doing little to ease the cold ache inside. My eyes stayed on his bedroom window, the curtains drawn tightly since last night, as though they could hold back whatever had seeped into his life. I'd been watching that window for hours, hoping it might crack open, hoping to see even a flicker of movement. Then, finally, the curtains stirred, inching aside. My heart leapt, pounding wildly against my ribs, filling me with a sudden, desperate hope.

Maybe he was awake.
Maybe he was talking.
Maybe he was... okay.

But just as quickly as that hope swelled within me, it crumbled. Johnny appeared at the window, pushing it open with a small, knowing smirk, his gaze finding me instantly. He gave me a private wink, a shared, conspiratorial gesture that both comforted and unsettled me. Then he vanished back inside, leaving me once again on the outside looking in.

"I should be with him," I muttered, voice cracking with the weight of helplessness.

Shannon shifted closer, her arm curling around my shoulders as she fussed with the blanket draped around me. "I know you feel that way, but the kind of questions they're going to ask him... it wouldn't be good for you to hear, Rory." She gently swept my hair back, tying it into a loose bun as though anchoring me somehow. "And it wouldn't be good for him, either, to know you heard."

My heart twisted painfully, and my voice shook. "But Johnny gets to stay. I'm his best friend too. Doesn't that count for something?"

Shannon's sigh was heavy, weighted with understanding and sympathy. "Yes, I know, sweetheart. And it's not easy to watch from the outside, especially when you want to be the one holding him through this." Her hand rested warmly on my shoulder, grounding me. "But Johnny is the one he wants right now, and we have to honor that. He's... safe with Johnny. You know how it was for you. When you were hurting, you only wanted Aiden. It's no different."

"I love him, Shan." My words came out in a whisper, more confession than statement, and my vision blurred with unshed tears. "I need him to be okay. I need him... period."

Shannon's eyes softened with empathy. "I know you do, Aurora. But some things, no matter how much you love him, you can't fix. You can't make it better. That's something he has to find for himself."

"But it hurts, Shan," I murmured, voice strained. "It hurts so much to see him like this."

Her hand found mine, squeezing gently. "I know," she said, and I could hear the strain in her own voice, the shared weight of helplessness. "That's what hurts the most, isn't it? Not being able to help."

Before I could respond, Aoife appeared, cradling my nephew in her arms, her presence a quiet comfort. "You can help, you know. Just by being here," she said softly, glancing between Shannon and me. "Sometimes, just staying is the bravest thing we can do.. like he did with you."

"Staying, even when it's hard. Loving him even when he's a mess. Believing in him even when he can't believe in himself. That's what he needs most, Aurora. Not to be fixed, but to be loved through the darkness, to know that someone is there, waiting. That's all any of us can do. Hold on and hope they come back to us."

A heavy silence settled over us, thick with unspoken fears and shared pain. I clung to her words, feeling both the weight and the strength of them.

Later that night, I found myself sitting in the kitchen, staring down at a plate of untouched food as Edel fussed over me. She'd been wearing the same forced smile for days, trying to bring some semblance of cheer to the house. "Come on, love," she urged, her voice trembling. "At least try to eat. It's Christmas."

But I couldn't. I felt hollow, my stomach twisted into anxious knots. "I... I just need some air," I mumbled, pushing back from the table and slipping outside.

The street felt eerily empty, a reminder that he was gone, driven away with Sadhbh and Gibs in the back of John Sr.'s car. Keith had left soon after, his Land Rover packed, the street finally free of his presence. But in his absence, a weight still lingered. The memory of him. The scars he'd left.

Joey was waiting outside, leaning against the car, and I drifted over to him, needing his silent strength. "Have you heard from them?" I asked, my voice barely a whisper.

Joey nodded. "Johnny called me when they got to Blackrock. They're staying with his family while everything... gets sorted out." He glanced at me, reading the unspoken question in my eyes. "They'll be back soon, but it's better if they have some distance for now."

I closed my eyes, letting his words sink in. "Do you think... do you think he'll hate me?"

Joey's arm wrapped around my shoulders, pulling me close. "Rory, he doesn't have it in him to hate you. He's been given every reason to hate the world, but that's just not who he is."

Tears blurred my vision, and I let them fall, my heart aching for the boy who had held so much pain inside and still managed to smile. "He's called me 'Princess' for years, Joe. But now, knowing everything, it feels wrong. He's the one who deserves that title- well prince or something. He's stronger than any of us."

Joey's gaze softened. "Yeah," he murmured. "I know what you mean."

I looked up at him, feeling a shiver run through me at the thought of the future, of what lay ahead. "When we go back to school... everything's going to be different, isn't it? But I'm with him, Joe. I'm all in. Whatever comes."

Joey's jaw tightened, and he nodded, understanding the depth of my commitment, the way it bound me to Gerard in a way nothing could undo. We both knew the road ahead was uncertain and would likely bring more pain, but there was no going back now.

And as I stood there beside Joey, I felt the fragile flicker of hope, quiet and tentative, and I held onto it with everything I had.